25

This time, I'm definitely going to kill him. Again.

When I woke that morning, I'd woken up alone in bed without knowing why. Normally, Aziraphale would be lying beside me and snoring loudly, his arm draped lazily across my waist with his legs tangled with mine. Instead, I saw only cold sheets and an empty spot beside me.

I rolled over and pushed myself up onto my elbows as I frowned in confusion. Was something wrong? Had I had a nightmare? I tried to remember, but I couldn't recall anything, no nightmares. Everything was peaceful and blissful. Why wouldn't I have slept peacefully?

Then I remembered.

Last night.

A lot of memories flooded into my mind, making me feel sick. It took everything in me not to burst into tears as I slowly dragged myself up into a sitting position, staring at the floor blankly.

Aziraphale.

He kissed me last night.

Why did I kiss him back? It made absolutely no sense whatsoever… We hadn't spoken to each other for the past week or so; it shouldn't have surprised me that he would want to forget about it in order to spend time with me… But somehow, I found myself wishing he had kissed me back.

Suddenly, there was a soft knock on my door followed by a gentle call from my husband,"Are you awake yet, love?"

He sounded worried and it broke my heart.

I climbed out of bed and trudged across the room to the door and opened it, pulling Aziraphale inside immediately afterwards, wrapping his arms tightly around him.

"Thank you for staying with me last night," he murmured softly into my ear as I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly against me.

"Of course I stayed with you, angel. Of course I did. You don't have to thank me for staying. You know how I feel about you. You mean the world to me," I mumbled, running my fingers gently through his silky black curls, loving how the sensation seemed to calm him instantly.

"But I didn't ask you to stay... I knew how difficult that must have been for you... You didn't have to stay with me…"

I shrugged, burying my face against his shoulder, "It was nice. It made me feel good to have someone care about me, especially after the whole… situation with my ex-wife and her new boyfriend... You can never be too careful after the past few weeks with him."

That's not true, I care about you a lot, Crowley." He insisted stubbornly, although he sounded more resigned than convinced.

I tightened my hold around him, kissing the side of his neck tenderly, "But not enough to make me stay with you, I'm afraid…"

"Don't say that! Of course I care about you!"

"No… You don't." I countered sadly, "And I don't blame you. I can see how scared and lonely you are… I should never have brought up your ex-wife. I'm sorry."

"Crowley…", he whined, pulling away from me slightly so that he could turn and look at me properly, "Please don't say that. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable…"

He looked so sad and vulnerable standing opposite me, and it broke my heart to see him like this. As much as I tried to hide it, I'd always cared deeply for Aziraphale. Even now, after all that had happened and he'd turned out to be an absolute idiot (a stupid, beautiful idiot), I loved him so much. How long had it taken me to realize how truly amazing and pure he was? I didn' deserve him...

"You don't have anything to apologize for... And if I really had meant it when I promised that I'd stay with you, I would have..." I replied, trailing off, trying to figure out what to say next.

"Crowley, don't lie to me. Please. We both know it's a lie…" He sighed frustratedly, tugging on one of my hands that held his own, "Please, I love you… You're the most important person in my life, you have to believe that. I love you so much, Aziraphale. All I've ever wanted is to keep you safe and happy. I don't need anyone else. No one except you." His voice softened a bit, turning sincere as he spoke the words softly, looking directly into my eyes with his bright, innocent blue ones and reaching for my chin with the free hand as he continued to hold my other hand. I was frozen in shock. Never before in my entire life had he shown such devotion to anyone besides himself, especially me.

"You're the best thing to ever happen to me... I'm so sorry if I made you feel like you weren't good enough. I've been doing everything I can to prove that I am, even though it isn't easy.