Isn't Cultivating Basically Cooking with Strange Stuff?

I was sleeping peacefully. I did not mind the green snake who acted as a scarf around my neck. Life was-

Harrk!

...

A young Xiao Yan (Manhua) rested in a branch of a tree. He did not want to be called 'trash' after his people who praised him turned their backs on him. Lazily lying on the branch, he opened his eyes and saw the clouds slowly moving calmly.

"AAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" A unholy scream of deathly murderous rage suddenly cried out from the forest. It cried from the heavens and the earth as a very, pissed individual cried out in murder. Xiao Yan jumped from the branch from the amount of murderous rage.

"What the hell was that?! Did God sent something after to kill me or somthing?!" He asked himself.

...

"YOU PIECE OF-" The fucking snake bit me again! Grabbing the slithering little shit by the neck, I threw the damn snake away from me.

"JESUS CHIRST, fuuuuuuu...." I hissed in pain as I held my neck with my hand. THE FUCKING SNAKE BIT ME WHEN I WAS SLEEPING!

"OW.... Jesus Chirst, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BITE ME IN THE NECK?!" I shouted at the snake. Said snake glared at my ass as if I'd told her whole family were a bunch of pricks. Wait, her?

"Arrogant human, how dare you underestimate the Mysterious Poisonous Jade Snake as if were a pest?! Die!" She hissed and lunged at me. But, I grabbed her in mid-air before she could do anything.

"Fuck you, bitch! And fuck off!" I unconsciously cursed in parseltongue, the snake's red eyes widening as I yeeted the snake away from the top of the tree. I groaned as the sudden pain from my neck got worse. SHE INJECTED THE POISONS TO MY NECK!

...

"Hassay-Esseytha-Hass-Ayaahath-Haaaaaah-Ayaeeh-Esseytha, Ethaa-Aayaa-Ssseyaa-Hass-Seethaa!" Xiao Yan heard slurring and hissing in the forest. It was human, and male. He also had no idea why the man slurred in... Another language?...

...

"Fucking, OW!" I shouted as the pain got worse. My neck started to smoke in green. The poison itself was deadly, and I knew that very well as my body fought off from the poison by INCINERATING THE WHOLE THING. GOOD TO KNOW THAT MY BODY INCINERATES POISON!!!

It was like a burning leesh made of chains. ROUGH TEXTURED CHAINS OF HELL FIRE.

I screamed myself out of unconsciousness. Everything went black, AGAIN.

I knew that blackouts in my past experiences pissed me off...

...

Xiao Yan stared dumbly at the fallen man's body. His neck was burnt from the inside out, emitting green poisonous smoke. What he assumed that the man fell from his tree and got bitten by a snake.

He poked the man with a stick. He wasn't sure if the man was explosive, and he wasn't going to take that risk. He wasn't going to lose his life a second time. As moments passed, no reaction came out, as the man was fully knocked out.

"Well, this is just so weird... Do people scream gibberish when they get bitten by snakes?..." He sweatdropped. He widened his eyes in shock as he noticed something very crucial about the man. His clothes. Brown blazer, Grey T-shirt, Navy blue pants, and Black shoes.

"All of his clothes came from Earth... B-but that's impossible! I'm the only one that's from Earth!" He spluttered in shock.

Shocked from the knowledge that the man came from Earth, his thoughts were in turnmoil, as a man, from EARTH, IS HERE...

He was surprised when later the man's body emitted white foggy smoke.

"Wait, is he going to explode?! Wha?!" Running to the opposite direction from the man's (possible) exploding body, he hid himself behind a tree and waited for the explosion to impact.

But no sounds of an explosion came. He poked his head from the tree. "E-eh?!" But a de-aged body of the man, or a kid laid down.

"This is some weird stuff going around here..." He muttered to himself. He saw the kid was turned to 15, as his face were younger and his body was smaller than before.

"Uhhh...." The kid groaned.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked carefully.

"Define: 'okay'... Does getting bit by a poisonous snake and getting de-aged into 15 look 'okay' to you?..." The kid groaned.

Xiao Yan developed a tick mark on his temples. "Well, aren't you a smartass?" He commented.

"I'm the best in that role... Excuse me before I pass out again... I'mma gonna die from the poison..." The kid passed out. Xiao Yan thought what to do about the kid from Earth. He stared back at him again.

"I'm going to regret this later on..." He muttered as he began to carry the kid's body.

...

"Xun-Er! I need your help, this kid got bitten by a poisonous snake!" Xiao Yan called out in desperation. His childhood friend ran for help.

"Xiao Yan Ge-Ge! Oh no, this is bad. I'll carry him!" She said, and Xiao Yan nodded. She carried the kid gently and moved her to his bedroom.

She gently placed the kid on the bed. "Xiao Yan Ge-Ge! I'll call the Patriarch for help!" She ran back to the room.

Now he was alone with the kid.

"She' your girlfriend?" The kid suddenly asked.

"Longtime childhood friend. She's basically like a sister..." He answered. The kid hummed in acknowledgement.

"I'm... Mark. Markus 'Mark' Underwell." 'Mark' introduced himself. Xiao Yan raised an eyebrow. Mark sounded very foreign and English.

"From what I can tell, I'm in a cultivation world, where arrogant idiots exist, the 'Weak die, the Strong lives' bullshit, and you're the MC, right?" Mark pointed at Xiao Yan. Xiao Yan was shocked.

"I've dealt this kind of world before. I'mma the multiversal traveler that got forced into this madness. Welcome to hell... Good luck on being strong than others, and don't be too arrogant... By the way, I haven't got your name yet." Mark asked.

"Uhh... I'm Xiao Yan." He introduced himself unsurely.

"Good to meet you, Xiao Yan. Good luck on dealing with the constant bullshittery of cultivation..." Mark mused.

...

"Wait, wha?..." Xiao Yan became confused. I expected this, as a character in a cultivation novel, the poor kid doesn't know what he'll get himself into.

"You're life is going to be hard as it is going to be obnoxious. The worse part of it, is to deal with moral-less arrogant idiots who think that pedophism and racism is a common deal. You'll crush them, and take no regrets to kill them. It doesn't matter either way, as there's the reincarnation cycle or whatever." I explained.

"Wait, what? Why are you telling me about this?!" He shouted in frustration.

"Cause you're the Chosen One! Be the bane of the arrogant bastards of this world! Kill them ALL! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! AHHHH!!!!" I was a bit out of my mind as I exaggerated to the MC.

A moment of silence waved off to the two of us.

"..." Xiao Yan said nothing as he was very confused on whatever the hell was going on.

"Sorry, that was my concussion speaking... Can I call you Yan?" I asked.

He blinked. "Uh... Sure, I guess..." He replied, unsure on what was going on.

"Is everything alright?! Yan-Er, are you hurt anywhere?!" A old man bursted through the room in concern.

"I'm fine, father. Mark here needs some help as he was bitten by a poisonous snake and fell down from a tree. I found him in the forest." He told his father. Said father looked at me in seriousness.

"You are fortunate enough that you have been saved from my son. Doctor, treat his wounds." He ordered the doctor.

"What snake have you been bitten from?" He asked to me.

"I didn't know. I was sleeping while I got bitten. All I knew that it had sickly (it's the most basic word for toxic I came up from) green and jade like scales." I explained, while rubbing my neck from burn marks.

The doctor looked at me worriedly. "D-did it have red eyes?" He asked worryingly. I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, blood red eyes. Why?" I asked in curiousity. The doctor widened his eyes in shock.

"Young man... You've may have been bitten by the Mysterious Poisonous Jade Snake. No one has been able to survive from its poison, as is one of the deadliest poisons. Are you sure?..." He asked. I frowned. If I told them the truth, rumor would've gotten out. That would've been troublesome if I told them.

"I... don't think so. I'm alive, right? No one has survived the poison so, it might've been just a simple poisonous snake?" I lied. While I knew that the snake said she was the Mysterious Poisonous Jade Snake, so I used a convincing lie that applied logic to it.

The doctor nodded in agreement. He took the bait. "It might've been. A normal snake poison would've been harmless. Though, how did you get those burn marks?" He pointed at my neck.

Shit. How do I get out of this one?...

"He got them from me. I accidently burned his neck when I got startled." Yan made an excuse. While I did not show any signs of surprise on my face, the doctor had a different opinion.

"Xiao Yan, you burned his neck when you were startled? Hmph. Just expected like the failure you are." He said. Yan frowned.

"It's fine. I would've done something worse if I had been in his position..." I defended him. The doctor raised his eyebrow.

"Like what?" He asked.

"Punching or kicking the person in the nuts. It always works." I smiled. The men inside the room resisted the urge to cover their family jewels.

"My business here is done, goodbye!" The doctor ran away from the room.

Yan's father smiled at me. "Thank you for defending my son. Most of the people don't understand him because of his reputation." He complimented me. I shrugged in return. I'd known that Yan would've gotten his reputation from being a failure.

"It's common sense to help people that would've helped you in the first place. Xiao Yan is a good person to even help me." I complimented him in return.

"As you are, stranger. Please rest on the Xiao Sect in anytime." He left the room. I looked at Yan.

"You've got a good father. He cares for you a lot." I said. He simply smiled.

"Yeah, I know." He said.

All of the sudden, Yan's sister and oldest childhood friend, hugged me. I was confused at the hugging.

"I'm not sure I'm a hugging person, miss..." I didn't quite knew her name.

"Xiao Xun Er. Not much people be kind enough to Xiao Yan Ge-Ge. Thank you." She said. Okay, then?...

She ended the hugging and smiled.

"Hey, Xun-Er. Can you leave me with Mark for a moment? I need to talk with him privately." Yan said.

"Okay, Xiao Yan Ge-Ge!" Xun-Er left the room. Now it was with me and Yan.

"First of all, where did you come from? I know those clothes are foreign. Where did you come from?" Yan asked. I scratched the back of my head.

"It's a bit of a long story, fellow earthling..." Yan widened his eyes in surprise as I knew where he came from.

"Your reaction explains everything. How you walk, talk, or even act... Came from the modern era of Earth, am I right?" I deducted. Yan narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah. How the hell did you know all of that?" He asked.

"I'm a very observant person. Like a detective, you may ask." I said, shocking Yan.

"You're a detective?!" Yan said out loud in shock.

"I'm close in being one. But I don't want to be detective." I answered.

"I don't want to hurt anyone. I just got here, appeared in a random forest, and got bitten by a snake." I said. He raised his eyebrow.

"For some strange as you, no offense, but you seem oddly calm about all of this..." He commented. I shrugged.

"Meh, I dealt with this kind of shit before. But this, I'm new to it. Where am I? What is this place? And where can I find the nearest Iphone charger?" I said that out loud randomly. Yan raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"It's the concussion talking. No one speaks for Concussion!Mark. Let's get this straight. What do everyone seek out?" I ask. I saw him shook his head.

"They... seek out Dou-Qi, a combat energy inside us that powers us and makes everyone stronger." He explained.

"So it's basically like chakra, but some cultivation style..." He raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Chakra? Energy source of Naruto? Ring any bells?" I asked, and he shrugged.

I sighed. This is going to take a while...