Confusion, and Solving the Impossible

Despite all I said, the boy still needs desperately to figure for this impossible feeling and situation.

These feelings the boy holds are still utterly confusing not to mention how unfathomably hopeless the situation at hand is. The peaks and floors of these feelings, the thought of him it self means everything to the boy yet how to go about such a gorgeous existence is as if the boy has to scale mountains and take on a bear. The thought of scaring him off or harming him is terrifying to the boy, seeming clingy or desperate, being insensitive is entirely shameful to consider. On the other hand the boy cannot simply sit with such feelings for the reason of it hurting to not grow closer to him but as equally heart wrenching is to have these feelings fade into the reopened abyss in the boys heart from not getting the attention needed, consequently throwing the boy into back in his own way, utterly destroying him.

Each interaction leads to the gears of the boys mind grinding with much effort, the attention and thought out into every fathomable possiblity, to not miss step and give away this feeling early or to simply bother the object of the boys affection. To seem annoying or creepy, to make the mistake of giving the impression that the boy holds these feelings in this way would completely leave the boy in shambles.

Every feeling for him prior to this realization of love doesn't compare in the slightest to post realization, the scale and sheer mass of these feelings have been multiplying over and over, not letting up regardless of the ever intimidating barriers. The ever growing emotions, all of this experience in its entirety, has gotten so incredibly confusing, so impossible, there's good and bad feelings the boy feels simultaneously. The strain this has been put upon the boy with not a shred of relief is unimaginable.

The feeling of love cannot exist without the feeling of pain, the closer you are to another, the more you are bound to clash or harm each other. The act of growing closer is to become vulnerable and more so possible in harming each other, naturally so, painful it might be but beautiful nonetheless.

The love is to hurt, the fear of loss, the fear of harming or being harmed, possibility of betrayal, these are all apart of love. In this case rejection, fear of losing this current relationship, the anxiety of each interaction post realization, the need to grow closer are the main concerns to the boy.

There's so much to feel, consider, and to execute from here on. The boy must consider everything possible and work his hardest to meet his goals and hopefully become the most important to him as he is to the boy.

As of now the boy will continue his struggles and face them genuinely, I will certainly do so.

As always for eternity, this feeling of love, for you, surely will never cease to exist.