Beef and Tea

It was the day of reckoning. The final countdown. The moment of truth. The critical juncture. Push meet shove. The time had come. It was time for tea.

"I don't know if I can do this bro," whispered Auricularis to Calorie. Once more the two were back in Auricularis' room, but this time one of them was all dolled up and looking ready to party, or more accurately, tea party.

The princess was in a light blue piece with flowy, lace trimmed sleeves and a ruffled skirt. A thin ribbon wrapped around her waist and was tied in a bow at the back, which was set with a heart shaped bezel. Her vibrant pink hair had been pulled into a low chignon bun that was sprinkled with flowers, and around her neck hung delicate gold jewelry. She tugged slightly at her skirt and her mouth twisted.

"I miss gym shorts. I can't believe I'll never be able to wear gym shorts again."

"You'll be fine," huffed Calorie. "You're the princess. What are they going to do? Call you a bitchass cunt to your face? I'm pretty sure that'd get them the death penalty or something."

"I didn't know you could swear like that."

"Oh, you'd be surprised at what I can do. But anyways, I think as long as you smile and nod and I'm just a quiet background character of a maid we'll be fine."

"I hope so too man. Bro I haven't felt this nervous since…actually I can't remember the last time I felt this nervous. Our old lives feel like they were so long ago."

"Your Highness, are you ready?" called a maid.

Auricularis positioned herself in front of a mirror and looked herself up and down like she was a guy at a frat party checking out a girl with first rate cake.

"I think so," she called back. She turned to Calorie. "Let's rock and roll."

The two strolled out, and had one not known they were a highschool athlete and an extremely popular girl, it would have been impossible to guess they were anything other than a princess and her maid.

"You know, you're playing the part of a princess pretty well for someone I've only ever seen lift weights," remarked Calorie as they walked to the area in the garden where the tea party would be held.

"Well," began Auricularius, and then she stopped. Her brows furrowed and her face tilted up as if she was unsure if she should say what she was planning to. "Well, I actually read quite a lot of manga when I wasn't working out."

"What?" gasped Calorie, looking at the princess with widened eyes.

The princess shrugged. "Yup, and shoujo isekai mangas were my faves."

"I…you…what…?"

Auricularis' confessions had clearly killed off Calorie's last brain cell.

While Calorie was still trying to process what she had just learned, the two had arrived in a lovely clearing. In the center of the space was a large table covered with a white silk tablecloth surrounded by five ornate wooden chairs. The floor was a soft carpet of bright green grass and around them were rose bushes in a variety of colors.

"Looks like we're the first ones here," commented Auricularis. "Do I sit down or am I supposed to wait for the others?"

"I thought you read a bunch of shoujo isekai manga. Didn't they have these kinds of events?"

"Well yeah, but they never showed what happened before the tea party. They usually just showed the tea parties."

"Oh. Well, like, uh, I pretty much just played FPS games in my free time, so sorry but can't help you here girl."

A lady in a knee length dress with prominent white ruffles down the front that just so happened to also be light blue entered the clearing. Her dazzling silver hair was styled half-up half-down and her posture screamed high ranking aristocrat.

"Are we supposed to greet her?" mouthed Auricularis.

"I don't know? Girl, I literally know about as much about tea parties as I do about cleaning. Nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. I'm just going to go stand in the background now like how I think maids do, don't mind me."

Auricularis looked at Calorie with pleading eyes, but the maid had already steeled her heart and walked away to join the array of household staff waiting by the side.

Not really sure what else to do, the princess sat herself down and waved to the other lady who only sat after Auricularis herself was seated. Auricularis had no idea if the person before her was someone the original princess knew, which meant making conversation was going to be tough.

"Hi," began Auricularis. "How have you been?"

What she really wanted to ask was 'Who are you,' but she couldn't for obvious reasons. Her many years of reading manga told her this lady was probably going to show up again in the future because her silver hair meant she wasn't a totally irrelevant background character.

"I've been doing splendidly. And you, Your Highness?"

"Oh me? I'm doing pretty good, yeah. So good. So great." Now Auricularis could easily carry 100 pound weights, but for the life of her she could not carry a conversation.

As if they had heard her mental scream for help, the rest of the tea party attendees entered the scene. Their hair was nowhere near as colorful as the silver haired lady. All three of them just so happened to have the same shade of golden hair.

"Greetings, Your Highness, My Lady," the first one said, curtsying not half as deep as she was supposed to. Not that it was anything Auricularis was aware of, but the silver haired lady's eyes narrowed at the slight.

The other two ladies followed suit, but only the third one curtsied deep enough to properly demonstrate her respect for the princess.

"Good day," the silver haired lady nodded in acknowledgement.

"It really is a nice day," Auricularis tried.

"What a sound description, Your Highness. I admire your way with words." The first blonde lady, who Auricularis privately dubbed B1, lifted a fan to her face to hide a sneer.

The third blonde lady, or as Auricularis saw her, B3, snapped open her own fan.

"I'm sure you would. They really don't teach things the way they ought to outside the Royal Academy, do they?" B3 remarked snidely.

B1 flushed red behind her fan.

"Your Highness, if you would care to begin the tea service?" The silver haired lady interjected.

Auricularis panicked internally. She glanced desperately over at Calorie, who was looking away and twiddling her thumbs.

"Uh, yeah sure?" Auricularis cringed. She could practically feel her arms curling in. Oh what she would have given to be a clam with the ability to retreat into its shell in times of danger. Behind her, she could've sworn she heard Calorie wince.

One of the other, more professional maids standing to the side rolled out a tray laden with pastries and a tea set and began placing them.

B2, who had been silent until then, decided to pick up the conversation. "Your maids are very skilled, Your Highness."

"Indeed. The palace chefs also seem to boast considerable skill from what I can see with these pastries," agreed the silver haired lady.

"Thanks." Auricularis helped herself to a pastry under the scrutinizing gazes of the other four ladies. She had decided to say as little as possible in order to limit any potential slips of the tongue, and one of the more enjoyable ways she could think of to keep herself occupied was to stuff her face.

B3 reached out to help herself to a pastry, saving Auricularis from being the only one there eating.

"Oh, these pastries are a delight!" B3 exclaimed.

The rest of the ladies joined her in eating, each picking out a pastry of their own. B1 eyed her pastry suspiciously.

"These berries are very high quality. How did you manage to procure them? If I recall correctly, they're out of season," B1 asked.

"I believe that we have His Majesty to thank for the agreement between our lovely kingdom Heareh and our neighbor the kingdom of Theiyreh that gives us access to more fresh produce," replied the silver haired lady before Auricularis could say anything.

"Oh my, is that it? Lady Bolita, I must applaud your knowledge regarding matters of the state," B2 simpered.

"To think Lady Bolita's education is on par with royalty despite her not having access to the same resources. I'd expect nothing less from the heir to the Schmancy dukedom," praised B1.

B1 and B2 turned to Lady Bolita as if they were expecting a word of thanks or at least some acknowledgement toward their blatant attempt at currying favor. However, the duchess to-be did not seem nearly as fond of them as they were of her and instead seemed a little cross.

"I would think nobles of a rank such as yourselves would know your place better. To speak so crudely in the presence of Her Highness is most unbecoming." Though Lady Bolita looked as if she meant every word she said, something about her delivery made Calorie and Auricularis suspect the lady wasn't used to being so forward.

"Please forgive us, Your Highness," said B1 in a tone that could not have been less sincere. She helped herself to another pastry.

"I do hope we aren't boring you, Your Highness," added B2. "It almost appears as if you think these desserts are more interesting than us. And Lady Citrine, I hope your estate isn't doing too poorly. I notice your plate also seems to be quite full."

As dense as Auricularis was, she wasn't so dense that she didn't notice the clear attack on her and the only blonde who appeared to be on her side.

"Well maybe you are boring me," snapped Auricularis who was starting to feel peeved at all the jabs. She loathed the princess's body for being weak. If she were in her own body she would have had no problem picking up either of the snickering ladies and hurling them like a discus. "Maybe if you guys knew how to hold a civil conversation I wouldn't be trying to imagine you two as cakes so I could look at you guys without vomiting."

"I quite agree, Your Highness," interjected Lady Citrine, slightly taken aback at Auricularis' harsh words but in support of her opinion nonetheless. "One would think your noble estates were lacking in funds since you seem to lack even the most basic of etiquette. Or is it that their reputations are so legendary that not a single tutor dared knock at your gates? If Lady Bolita had the sense to wait for Her Highness I'm sure she would have responded just as excellently, if not more so."

"Lady Citrine, are you suggesting that I am ill-mannered?" frowned Lady Bolita, her fleshy flaps of protective coverage for her eyeballs lowering over garnet tinted globular ocular organs.

"I would not dare, My Lady."

"So you say Lady Citrine," smiled B1, lifting her chin provocatively. "I suppose we shall all forgive any earlier comments made by either side."

"You need not praise Her Highness so, Lady Citrine. We are all well aware of her literary prowess and your repeated emphasis on common knowledge will not win you any favors," added B2 smugly. She looked toward Lady Bolita as if expecting the silver haired aristocrat to join the tirade against Lady Citrine who was now glaring intensely at her cup of tea.

The table was silent for a second.

"I- oH MY GOODNESS," gasped Lady Bolita whose perfect demeanor could not hold up in the face of boiling hot tea being spilled across her skirt. She was unfortunately not the only victim, for B1 and B3 who sat beside her were splashed as well.