Lonely Life

I am a teenager. I'm only 18 years old. Basically, adult age is 18. But in my opinion, 18 is the age where you started to know the world slowly.

Usually I am an introvert person. But whenever I'm with my friends I am an extreme levelled extrovert. I forgot the world's restrictions when I am with them.

Some things look super cool from outside, just like me. Yes, I look super cool from the outside. But inside I'm a loner.

I am known as a mood maker. Yes, I always make others mood. Whenever someone feels down, I used to make him/her happy. I love to make people happy. I love to make them smile. Coz I know how it feels to cry alone. I know how it feels when you want to hug someone and cry your lung out. I know more than you know.

Whenever I feel down, I wipe out my tears and say to myself, "Its okay, better luck next time."

Yes, I am a depressed girl. I have lots of friends, may be more than you. But still I'm a loner. I have no one who wants to stay beside me when I cry, who wants to hug me when I'm tear apart. I have no one. In this 18 years of my life, I have been harassed a lot if time.

It was 2015, 31st December. I was going to home with a good news. I cut a good marks in my exam. I was super happy. I was in the bus way to my home. Then a boy sat beside me. It was normal. I didn't pay any attention. But suddenly that person started to come close to me. I felt awkward and asked him to stay away from me. But then suddenly he started to force me. He started to sexually harassed me. I shouted for help but none came forward to help me. I somehow managed to kick his balls and jump from the bus. I got injured in my knees and hands. But it okay coz I wasn't ****. It was near to **** but I saved myself.

After that day, I forgot how to smile. I forgot how to trust someone. I started to have trust issues. I started to pretend that I am happy.

From then to now, I still pretend to be okay when I am broken all inside. People don't know that I'm pretending. They think that I am always a happy child. My own family members didn't help me. From that day, I started to scared from boys. I started to stay away from boys. Coz I don't want to get raped this time.

Slowly slowly my friends started to get bored from me. They just stayed with me coz I help them whenever they need help. They only communicate with me for my help. I started to find a new way to love myself. Coz I believe, If I don't love myself then I can't love another person.

From the my life become a lonely life...