Chapter 13 Spelunking

Gilderoy watched as the Hogwarts Express disappeared down the tracks. The students, at least those going home for the holidays, were finally out of his way. He had a busy set of hols ahead, and having constantly to dodge inquisitive children would be problematic. And the staff would be wrapped up in end-of-term paperwork and watching for problems on the train, especially the Headmaster.

By tomorrow, the parents would hear about the Chamber of Secrets monster being a Basilisk. By Wednesday, the word would spread to their friends. They would think their children had exaggerated the situation, but the story would linger as gossip. Christmas would interfere a bit in that dissemination of news, but after Boxing Day, he believed the public would be more receptive to the revelation of his exploits. Yes, it was a perfect plan — the children unknowingly providing the groundwork for his headlines. Next Monday would provide a perfect headline to end the year. Everyone would be talking about Lockhart and the Basilisk at all the New Year's Parties. He expected invitations to many of those parties.

But in the meantime, he had work to do. He returned to the Castle.

"Mr. Potter," he said, catching the boy as he left the Great Hall after a late breakfast. Harry and Hermione, the only ones in Gryffindor staying for the holidays, had slept late, taking advantage of the fact the rest of the students were in a hurry to go home.

Fortunately, Ginny's situation had called for the entire Weasley family to return home for the hols, even Charlie and Bill from overseas. Harry/Gilderoy had insisted, not so subtly, that Arthur take the generous bag of galleons he had forced into Wizard's hands and use it to have the best Christmas they had ever had. "This," he had said, "is merely a down payment on what the school owes you for your daughter's suffering and healing." He paused watching the man's reaction. "Mr. Weasley, if you are hurt on the job, does not the Ministry pay the Healer's bills for you as well as your regular salary even though you cannot work?" The man nodded frowning. "Well, consider this to be the same thing for your daughter. It is not charity, but the least that Hogwarts can do to apologize for the Headmaster's failure to protect your child." Reluctantly, the Weasley patriarch had agreed. So, Ginny, Ron, Fred, George, and Percy were all absent this Christmas.

"Come with me Harry, I have need of your special talents," Gilderoy said.

Harry looked at Hermione, shrugged, and said, "Sure."

"Excellent!" Gilderoy smiled happily. "With your help, we're going to see something that few have ever seen before and lived to tell the tale. Walk this way!" He turned and jauntily started walking. The two children followed him with justifiably worried expressions.

He stopped. "No, Harry," he said, faking exasperation with his hands elegantly on his hips, "Walk this way!" He demonstrated his jaunty confident walk and drilled the poor boy until he had it down right. Hermione watched with wide eyes, her fear of point's loss or a detention all that prevented her from laughing aloud at her friend's predicament, and Professor Lockhart. Gilderoy grinned widely as Harry attempted to stop himself from rolling his eyes at each repetition.

Once Gilderoy was satisfied with Harry's confident appearance, he turned to Hermione. "Now it's your turn, my dear." She stared at him like a deer caught in a Lorry's headlamps. It was Harry's turn to suppress his laughter as the Professor put her through the paces.

He told her, "I once asked my mum why she swayed so as she walked when others didn't. She told me, 'Honey, if your wrist doesn't hit your hip as you walk, you aren't walking right!' So, my dear, let's see you do it right!"

As she took a few steps, he said, "You'll feel horribly self-conscious, at first, thinking you look absolutely ridiculous, but after you make it a habit it will look quite gracious indeed!" He made her practice it for several minutes, walking up and down the corridor. It was difficult, really it was, not to burst out laughing at the two kids as they tried to follow his directions.

Finally, he led them on a circuitous route through the Castle, nattering on about his books and popularity, pausing when they were no longer in sight of paintings, sculptures, or armours. First, he cast a quick detection spell, explaining what it was and how it worked, and then removed all the tracking and listening charms on the two students. Both were suitably outraged at him finding the charms — he didn't mention that one on each of them was his. He not so subtly suggested Hermione learn the detection charms and begin a regular regimen of removing what they found. Second, he cast a disillusionment charm on both and had them follow him to their destination, admonishing them to keep practicing their walks even though none could see them. One wanted the way they walked to be an unconscious habit, didn't one?

When he stopped outside Moaning Myrtle's First Floor Toilets, Gilderoy could almost feel their sudden panic. Was he about to reveal their Polyjuice Potion and demand answers?

He swept inside and halted in front of the very stall in which the cauldron was simmering. Dobby was keeping an eye on it behind the scenes to make sure the potion turned out properly. There was even a supply in Lockhart's office to switch out the contents of the cauldron in case Hermione's potion was substandard. So far, it was nearly perfect.

He dismissed the disillusionment charm and frowned down at them, increasing their obvious agitation. Both Gryffindors were staring at him, pale and wide-eyed, anticipating a severe dressing down.

He smiled at them, and turned to face the sink. "Have you discussed with Moaning Myrtle how she died?" He had hinted enough times during Harry's detentions that they should have managed to do that by now. He would be so disappointed if they hadn't. He watched them from the corners of his eyes as they relaxed ever so slightly.

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Then you know that I'd like you to say 'open' in Parseltongue, right Mr. Potter?"

The boy started sweating and turned to stare at the sink. He wet his lips with his tongue. "Um, I need to see a snake."

"Look closely at the tap," Gilderoy said, "I think you'll see one embossed on it. If that is insufficient, close your eyes and picture a snake in your mind's eye." He tapped the special crystal in his pocket, recording what Harry said. Now that he, as Gilderoy Lockhart, officially couldn't speak or understand Parseltongue, he needed another way to gain entry whenever he wanted in. The recording crystal would hide his Parseltongue ability. That it could record vibrations as well as sound made it perfect for his needs.

Moments later, the sink and wall had moved to reveal the entrance. A rank musty odor wafted out at them.

"This, my dears, is the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets." He looked into the inky blackness of the long tunnel. He pointed his wand inside and said, "SCOURGIFY!" A bright light swept down the pipe before them, leaving a gleaming clean surface. "There now, that's better." He didn't want to get his clothes messed up with that gunk lining the pipe. He pulled three small items out of his pocket and restored them to their normal size — brooms. He handed one to each of them.

"Follow my lead, we're not in a real hurry here. Don't worry about the Basilisk. I, Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award, and your beloved Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor shall ensure you are at all times safe and secure!" He could see them trying to prevent themselves from rolling their eyes. "Besides, I'm sure it's asleep right now." He watched as they got on their brooms, Harry confidently and Hermione gingerly, and slowly followed him into the pipe. He started down, his wand lit with lumos to light their way. "At least, I hope it is," he said loudly before plummeting down. He thought he heard a panicked "Eep!" from Hermione as his Follow-Me spell dragged their brooms behind him.

They didn't travel nearly as fast as he had originally, but still probably too fast for Hermione's comfort considering her anxiety regarding broom-riding. Still, he was rather surprised that it seemed to take as long as it did. He had always assumed his half-panicked slide had distorted his sense of time. Apparently not. He rather thought that there were stairs built into the pipe as he couldn't see Tom taking the inelegant slide every time, but the slide, and riding broomsticks, was so much faster. And fun.

Trying to go down, and back up, over a thousand feet or more of stairs as they led under the lake to the Chamber was not something he would want to do! Not when there was such a fun way to do it instead.

The corridor was just as filthy and disgusting as he remembered. And the smell was enough to knock you over. Three quick Bubble-head charms fixed that problem, though. Hermione and Harry were quite relieved.

For a moment, he considered cleaning the messy floor, but decided it would be better to leave the skeletal debris for the atmosphere it gave their expedition. Yes, he could work with this, "the disturbing crunching of bones under my feet accompanied every step I took as I progressed down the dimly lit tunnel under the lake. Who knew where the dreaded monster was hiding, waiting, perhaps, to kill us without warning." It also would give Bozo a photo opportunity and added a realism to his book that the others lacked.

"Ew, ew, ew," Hermione said when she realized what was crunching with her every step. She looked at the broom in her hand, then the floor, and then hopped back on the broom. Some things were just too gross. Harry followed her lead. Gilderoy considered, then did the same. He'd leave that part out, though. He had the feel of it, but now he didn't want to dirty his robes and shoes with it any more than he had to.

They moved much faster this way and soon came into sight of the tremendous shed snakeskin.

"Blimey!" Harry said in a whisper, awed, after gulping. Hermione just stared, wide-eyed.

"Just think, children, the Basilisk is even bigger than that, now." He savoured the horrified looks they gave him. With them as witnesses, none would be able to gainsay what happened down here. "Never fear, though, for I, Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award, and Hogwarts' beloved Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor, will keep you both as safe as if you were in your beds in your dormitories!" From their expressions, he could tell that they dearly wished they were in their dormitories and in their beds — preferably under the covers! They were too scared even to roll their eyes at his ridiculously long self-description. Ah, well, onward!

A minute later, they approached the wall blocking the tunnel. On it, as Harry remembered, were the two entwined snakes with green gems for eyes that seemed to turn to watch their every move.

"Behold," Gilderoy swept his arm dramatically, posing in front of them. "The Chamber of Secrets!" he intoned dramatically.

Harry audibly gulped. A faint whimper came from Hermione.

"There really is nothing to fear, my children," the Wizard said consolingly. "The Basilisk is sleeping and completely harmless at the moment, and I, Gilderoy Lockhart, et cetera, et cetera," he said, "am here to protect you." He turned to Harry. "Now, Harry, listen closely. When I give you this signal," he pointed his right-hand index finger at the boy, "I want you to say 'open' to the snakes embossed on this wall. It will split in the middle and open. I will look inside the Chamber to see if the Basilisk is in his sleeping den or on the floor. If the Basilisk isn't in the Chamber, you and I will walk inside a short ways. When I give this signal," he again pointed at the boy, but this time using his right-hand index and middle fingers spread in a "V", "loudly say, 'Speak to me, Slytherin, greatest of the Hogwarts four.' Understand?" Hand signals would prevent them from noticing his voice wavering when it came to action time.

Harry licked his lips, and nodded nervously.

"Give it a practice try, Harry."

He did.

"Then turn and walk quickly back to here and close the wall. You and Hermione wait out here until I yell to open the doors, and then you can open them again by saying 'open,' okay?"

The boy reluctantly nodded again.

Gilderoy made him repeat the summoning phrase several times until he said it perfectly.

"Finally — listen carefully, both of you — if I don't signal you to open the doors in a reasonable amount of time, say ten minutes, go get the Headmaster!"

After exchanging a look, they both nodded fearfully.

"Excellent." Gilderoy pulled out the glasses he had made. He had taken four right-angle prisms, each long enough to stretch from the tip of his thumb to the tip of his little finger when he spread his fingers as wide as possible, and arranged the prisms into a double periscope, one reversing the other.

If seeing a single reflection reduced the death glare of the Basilisk to mere petrification, then using four reflections should make it completely harmless. The first prism reflected up to the second, the second reflected to the third, the third reflected back down to the fourth, which reflected into his eyes. He used magic to shape the four into a pair of wrap-around glasses only an eighth of an inch thick. The glasses looked somewhat odd with the top two prisms completely hiding his eyebrows, but they worked just fine. As an additional protection, the prisms only reflected red light and infrared (also known as heat). Everything else they ignored, meaning he never saw anything but reflected heat rays, and red light, converted up to normal eyesight range.

Muggle scientists had discovered, Gilderoy knew, that the higher frequency you went in light, the more damage it did to you, hence why people used sunscreen at the beach to protect themselves from ultraviolet (beyond blue) sunlight. Gilderoy assumed that the Basilisk's deadly vision was the same sort of situation. At a worst case, only the reflections would protect him. He hoped.

They had taken some getting used to, everything was shades of red, but they worked. That was all that mattered. Whether they worked the way he wanted them to, though, was another thing entirely.

He put them on and took a deep breath. It was show time, but a very different kind than normal. He pointed his finger at Harry.

Harry hissed at the wall.

He recorded the boy's command on another crystal. If the wall was soundproof he didn't want to be trapped inside!

The wall split and slowly slid open, accompanied by the sound of stone sliding across stone, the floor shuddering slightly. As it did, Gilderoy motioned the two frightened students to move against the sidewall as the one in front of them moved. They could not see into the Chamber. He, on the other hand, looked carefully inside as the wall opened.

He was standing at the end of a very long, dimly lit chamber. Towering stone pillars entwined with carved serpents rose to support a ceiling lost in darkness, casting long, black shadows through the odd, greenish gloom that filled the place. There was no sign of the snake. The Chamber was just as it had appeared in his time.

He walked cautiously forward between the serpentine columns. Every careful footstep echoed loudly off the shadowy walls. The hollow eye sockets of the stone snakes seemed to be following him. He could hear water droplets splashing to the floor, eerily echoing. It was just as spooky as he remembered it being. "This . . . this is splendid! Even better then I remembered," Gilderoy whispered to himself.

At the last pair of pillars, a statue as high as the Chamber itself loomed into view, standing against the back wall. Salazar, when Gilderoy tilted his head back, was just as ugly as he remembered: a face that was ancient and monkeyish, with a long, thin beard that fell almost to the bottom of the wizard's sweeping stone robes, where two enormous grey feet stood on the smooth Chamber floor. Rather full of himself, he had been, Gilderoy thought. And he could appreciate that! He considered how imposing such a statue would appear in the entry hall of his Mansion.

The Wizard turned and headed back to the kids. "Okay, Harry, Hermione, it's safe to come in," he called out.

The two peered around the protruding bump that marked the retracted wall.

He waved them inside, smiling broadly and exuding confidence. "Come, come, look!"

With no small amount of awe, the two students carefully crept into the Chamber.

"Note the pillars and how the snakes' creepy eyes seem to follow you as you walk," he said.

The two huddled together as they joined him.

"Come, come, see this," he said, acting like a tour guide in London, "Walk this way." He suppressed the urge to sway his hips and adopt a mincing walk — they were too scared to appreciate the comedic aspects of his request at this point.

"That," he said as the came to the end of the columns, "is Salazar Slytherin. Not exactly a stunningly handsome fellow, wouldn't you agree?" Gilderoy shook his head. "He definitely should have used a few beauty charms before posing for that monstrosity!" And he would mention those charms in his book, too!

They stared around in surprise, gradually separating and examining the columns closer.

"Okay, my dears," Gilderoy said joyfully. "This is what we're going to do. Hermione, please go back to the hall outside the doors." He handed her an opaque scarf. "Put this over your eyes when you get there and face the wall." He turned to other Gryffindor. "Harry, I want you to wait with me and when I give you the second signal, say 'Speak to me, Slytherin, greatest of the Hogwarts four,' just as you practiced. Okay, off with you Hermione." He made little shooing motions with his hands. She took off at a fast walk. Gilderoy guided Harry as the two followed behind her about one-third of the way back and then stopped.

"Okay, Harry," Gilderoy crouched down to be at eye-level with the boy. "This is important, Harry. As soon as you say your lines, as loud as you can, I want you to walk — not run, I don't want you to trip in your excitement — and join Hermione. Then close the doors by saying 'close,' in Parseltongue. Remember to think about a snake when you say it. Got it?"

Harry, wide-eyed, nodded.

Gilderoy smiled at him, "Okay Harry. Take a deep breath, let it out, and . . . ."

Harry did as told, Gilderoy checked that Hermione wasn't in sight, and then gave him the signal.

Voice quavering slightly, Harry hissed quite loudly as Lockhart again recorded the boy.

"Excellent," Gilderoy exclaimed, "Here's a scarf, now walk!" and gave the boy a nudge.

Harry needed no farther incentive and took off rapidly. For once, he had an adult along who seemed in control of the situation. Unlike his adventures last year!

Meanwhile, Slytherin's gigantic stone face was moving, stone on stone grinding loudly. Gilderoy could feel the floor beneath his feet vibrating slightly at the movement. His mouth was opening wider and wider to make a huge black hole. And something was stirring inside the statue's mouth. Something was slithering up from its depths.

Gilderoy stared, fascinated at the grotesque imagery. It was, actually quite disturbing on a variety of levels. Thank Merlin he had been too scared last time to notice, or the phallic symbolism might have left him scarred for life!

Gilderoy licked his lips. This was the nasty part, this was the part that was risky. He watched through the glasses as the snake came out of that hole. Behind him, the Wizard could hear the stonewall slowly closing, adding its slight vibrations to the floor. Good, the kids were safe.

If everything went completely pear-shaped, he was prepared. The parchment on his office desk had detailed instructions on the locations of the remaining horcruxes as well as how to destroy them. The Basilisk venom enhanced Goblin knife weighted it down. Dobby had strict instructions to take both to Madam Bones should Lockhart die, and to keep Harry and Hermione safe no matter what.

There would be no wandering in the wilderness while thousands died as someone fruitlessly searched for the vile things.

Similarly, unless he contacted them, the letter with Fleecem, Cheatem, and Beatem would be mailed to Madam Bones in two days detailing the who, what, where, when, and why of Scabbers and Peter Pettigrew. And the solicitors would begin the proceeding for freeing Sirius.

The floor shook as the massive snake hit it.

The Basilisk's eyes glittered and Gilderoy felt a shock as they focused on him. He tried not to look directly at the creatures eyes, despite his glasses. The creature hissed like the Hogwarts Express getting ready to leave. He thought he had remembered the snake being big, but holy mother of pearl, that thing was stonking! Time to leg it.

He reached into his pocket, pulled out a block of wood and dropped it on the ground. As soon as it left his hand, he shot his wand out of its holster and grabbed it. He shouted, "Finite Incantatem," while pointing at the block, now several steps behind him as he ran down the chamber towards the closed wall.

"Squawk!" cried the surprised rooster that appeared.

Okay, now crow damn you! Harry thought. The vendor had guaranteed that the roosters would crow. They had certainly been making enough noise in the stall!

Before the rooster could do that though, the bloody damn snake slid across it, not even noticing as it crushed the bird to paste.

"Bloody hell!"

Harry darted over to the columns as the snake quickly followed.

Thank Merlin Harry had decided to get more than just one rooster! The Wizard pulled out second block and dropped it. Again, he finited it, releasing another rooster. This one went "Errk?" Only Merlin knew why, but it turned and ran at the Basilisk just as the snake opened its mouth to hiss. The snake snapped its mouth shut in reflex on feeling something hit its tongue.

Harry stared, "Oh, come on!" He ran down the columns. The snake was close on his heels. He began weaving in and out of the columns. He wanted to confuse the beast. It didn't confuse easily, unfortunately. It did slow it down some as it wound its way around the columns.

He stopped between two columns. He was temporarily out of the snake's sight. He pulled out a third block. He dropped it as he nervously moved away. The snake should appear any second. He cast a finite. This had better work, he did not have an unlimited number of roosters!

The rooster appeared and peered around quietly, giving a soft, "murr?"

The Basilisk's head slid around the column.

"SQUAWK!" The rooster had fine instincts and lousy planning. It flapped its wings desperately, going for altitude.

The snake opened its mouth to strike at Harry. The bird flew straight in its mouth.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake!" The wizard dodged around the column and ran. He reached the front of the Chamber and ran out of columns. He crossed the chamber, firing a reducto at the snake to discourage it. It didn't even bother to dodge, although it flinched slightly.

He pulled out his fourth block. He dropped it as he hid behind a pillar. This rooster just stared at him, blinking.

Gilderoy fired another reducto at the snake's eye's. It pulled back, flinching as the spell bounced off the armour between the eyes. Gilderoy took off down the pillar row, in the opposite direction. He glanced back just in time to see a small rain of rocks land on his rooster. His reducto had bounced off the snake. It had hit the ceiling, knocking loose three or four stone of rocks.

He swore vociferously. Harry pulled out another block, and finite'd it. He dodged around the pillars and started weaving through them again. He came around one just as the snake came around the other. The rooster saw it for the first time. It swayed a moment, and then fell over stiffly.

"Arrgh!" screamed Harry in frustration. The bloody damn rooster had either fainted or had a heart attack, probably the latter. He took off running again.

He pulled out his last block, and cast another finite. Merlin, he had thought he was being ridiculously pessimistic when he had bought six roosters, but still! This time he held on to the block as it became a rooster. He stared at it as it stared at him. "Well, come on you bloody bird, crow."

"Errk?"

"Crow, damn you!"

"Squawk!"

"CROW, DAMN YOU OR YOU'RE DINNER!"

He dropped the bird and pointed his wand at it.

It looked at him reproachfully, shook its wings, stretched its neck, and went "Cock-a-doodle-do!"

The Basilisk hissed like a steam locomotive, again.

The rooster jumped three feet into the air. It hit the ground running at a speed that would have done a Roadrunner proud. It disappeared down the columns.

"Come back here you coward!" yelled Harry. "Bloody damned bird." He stared after it. "Well, shite." He put his fists on his hips. "That was my last rooster, too. And conjured roosters just won't do."

A noise from above drew his attention.

"SHITE!" He practically threw himself after the bird as the Basilisk's head lunged down at him.

He couldn't run across the Chamber, that snake's bloody long tail still blocked the Chamber centre. He dodged left as the snake went right. The Wizard managed to double-back on the snake, confusing it for a moment when he didn't appear around the next column as expected.

He took a deep breath, "Fawkes!" he cried out. "I could use a little help here!" Nothing happened except the snake moving closer as it followed the vibrations of his voice. Harry ran down the long Chamber. He darted across to the other side, the snake's head turning to follow him, its body's coils still around the pillars slowing it down. "Fawkes! Bring me the Sorting Hat!" His voice cracked on the last word.

Still nothing. He ran back up the Chamber on the other side of the pillars. His lungs were beginning to burn with the effort. He swore to himself he would double his exercise regimen. He would need far more stamina in the coming years. Of course, the stamina would come in handy with the witches, too. That would make it easier to keep it up — pun intended, he thought to himself. He had to end this soon, he could feel his hair getting sweaty and stringy, his clothes beginning to stick to him uncomfortably and ruining their perfect custom-tailored appearance.

The Basilisk followed him. He resumed weaving back and forth between the columns. That forced the massive snake to slow down as it manoeuvred behind him. "Fawkes! I need the Sorting Hat!" He was getting a bit desperate.

Okay, maybe he would have to go to Plan C. Bloody hell, what was Plan C? Talk to the bloody damn snake? It hadn't even paused before attacking! Then he heard the faint sounds of music. Finally!

Moments later the Phoenix swooped down to Harry. It dropped the Sorting Hat on the floor as it landed on a stone snake on a nearby pillar. The Wizard scooped up the hat and ran down the Chamber. He jammed the Hat on his head thinking furiously "Sword! I need a Sword! To save the School I need a Sword!" He had no other thoughts. Gilderoy had vanished, terrified into hiding as deep into Harry's psyche as he could get.

Even though he knew it was going to happen, the thump as something very heavy and metallic hit his head almost made him see stars. "Bloody hell, Hat, couldn't you make it a bit lighter!" He stumbled as he yanked the Hat off his head, and pulled the Sword of Gryffindor out. He shoved the Hat in a pocket.

The distraction was almost his undoing. The Basilisk had skipped one weave. It almost got him when he came around the next column.

Time to quit fannying around.

He again doubled back, using the snake's coils around the columns to help hide him. The coil was moving around him as the snake pulled more and more of its body out of the weave Harry had tricked it into doing around the columns. He stared at the Sword. Was it going to be like that again? Would he be able to pull it off a second time? He hoped Fawkes was still around.

"Cock-a-doodle-do! Cock-a-doodle-do!" There was a tremendous hissing. "Cock-a-doodle-do! Cock-a-doodle-do!" There was by a THUD and the floor shook. Only his laboured breathing and the sound of dripping water broke the silence.

Harry almost collapsed in shock. "Oh thank Merlin!"

He slowly made his way to the wall, taking only a moment to look at the Basilisk's head, laying sideways against the columns. Its mouth hung partially open. Its eyes were devoid of the light that had formerly filled them.

"Cock-a-doodle-do!"

YES! The Basilisk was dead. He took off his glasses and stored them in a pocket. He cautiously walked up to its head and examined the fangs. He took the sword and slowly drew it along the closest fang. A thin line of clear venom appeared on the sword and gradually disappeared, soaking into the metal.

He paused a moment, thinking, then grinned. He posed as if he were using the sword to attack the basilisk in a last ditch effort to kill it. He carefully used a banishing charm to drive the sword up through the snake's upper palate and into its brain while he held the grip. He slowly pulled it back out.

He turned and started walking towards the wall.

"Cock-a-doodle-do!"

"Shut it, already!" Gilderoy yelled, "It's dead you stupid cluck!"

In late January, after the revelation of the Chamber of Secrets, he would announce he had "discovered" the Sword, and garner another headline.

"Accio roosters!" He vanished the dead ones, then reduced the live one back to a small block of wood and put it in his pocket. He would make sure it had a nice long relaxing retirement at one of the Potter farms, with lots of hens for company.

He stared at the sword for a moment, then shrugged and kept it out. It would be okay for the kids to see it.

He yelled at the wall, "OKAY, HARRY, OPEN THE WALL!"

He waited a moment. "HARRY, OPEN THE WALL!"

Just as Harry/Gilderoy was about to yell again, there was a grinding noise and the wall slid open.

He smiled, tiredly. That running had taken more out of him than he had thought. "Take a look, children. Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award, and your beloved Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor has done it yet again! One basilisk, King of the Snakes — no longer a danger to anyone. Heh, guess I'll have to add Slayer of Basilisks to my accomplishments, right?"

They walked over and examined the massive snake. Harry and Hermione stared at the dead Basilisk for several moments. He had them turn and look back towards the entrance while he struck a heroic pose behind them, sword prominently held up in triumph. Hermione cleared her throat. "Maybe we should go back, Professor. You look tired."

Gilderoy looked at her. "You're a good Witch, Hermione. Harry is lucky to have you by his side. I had as loyal a friend when I was at Hogwarts, I couldn't have survived without her. I lost her in the war." For a moment, the tears almost overcame him. He drew a shuddering breath and struggled for composure. His close encounter with death, Gilderoy's real first, had shaken him more than he had expected. He would pretend the two didn't notice his shaky voice and slightly trembling arms.

He reached into a pocket and pulled out a silk bag. He opened it and slid the Sword of Gryffindor inside. Gotta love those undetectable expansion charms.

He looked at the Wizard. "Harry, if you know what's good for you, don't let Hermione get away. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you do."

He shepherded them out of the Chamber. "Come, let's go back upstairs. I wanted to get this done while there weren't any students in school who might have been hurt if things had gone wonky. I'll deal with this tomorrow. Please keep it a secret until I say it's safe to talk about. Okay? There are many things that have to be done first before we can tell anyone."

He used magic to put a small stone sill the width of the Chamber opening, preventing the wall from closing it off from the tunnel. The ride back up the pipe to Myrtle's toilets took much longer than the ride down. Once they reached the top, Gilderoy had Harry close the opening, recording the command as he did so. A Notice-Me-Not on it would help prevent anyone from experimenting with the broken tap. Myrtle's toilets would become a major tourist attraction at Hogwarts this summer, and in the future, and this would prevent any but those he desired from finding the Chamber of Secrets before then.

Another Notice-Me-Not on the door to the toilets provided additional temporary protection for the secret.

"Thank you for your help. Both of you. Harry, Hermione, we'll need to come up with a suitably exciting story for our fans. Okay? If we make it look too easy, they won't believe we really did anything special. Think about it tonight, all right?"

Gilderoy left the two and made his way to his rooms. He planned to kip until suppertime. And notify his solicitors that they needn't send that missive to Madam Bones. The sword he would keep in his trunk until later.

(◎_⊙)

"Rita," he exclaimed, as he entered The Three Broomsticks' front door and made his way to the table where she waited. "How are you this fine Tuesday morning? Are you ready for another scoop the like of which you have never seen?"

She watched him approach with narrowed eyes. "Scoop?"

"Yes. You know the story behind the lost Chamber of Secrets and its monster, do you not?" He had warned her to do a bit of research on the subject, but to hold her silence until he contacted her again.

She nodded.

"Well, how would you like to see the dead monster?" Does a kid want candy?

The rest of the meeting went fabulously, as far as Gilderoy was concerned.

While Harry hadn't really wanted any exposure, Gilderoy had convinced him that this was the best way to handle the situation, getting word of Harry's Parseltongue abilities out to the Wizarding public in the most positive way possible. The boy, after much prodding by Gilderoy, had even provided a memory of their experiences from the toilets to the entrance wall. The picture of the three posed in front of the Basilisk's head with the body stretching off to the side guaranteed a sell-out issue!

Harry/Gilderoy was pretty sure that Rita was almost orgasmic at recording the story of how The-Boy-Who-Lived had helped the illustrious Lockhart confront and destroy the great beast terrorizing Hogwarts' students and staff. The exact details of the battle, of course, were going to be divulged in his forthcoming book — Burrowing with a Basilisk.

He had convinced Rita that the best time to release the story was Monday, after Christmas, the holiday parties would be over and nothing would be planned until New Year's Day, giving them a fantastic five-day window to milk the story for all it was worth. Monday to place a teaser with a picture of the Chamber of Secrets closed wall and a giant question-mark beside the two embossed snakes and describing the Chamber's history, including Myrtle's death and Hagrid's expulsion. Tuesday to mention Potter's significant part with a picture of them in front of the entrance wall describing how they got to that point. Wednesday for the story inside the chamber, suitably exaggerated. Thursday for more pictures of the snake and chamber, and Friday for reactions. As for this week? They could run special advertisements regarding a breaking story at Hogwarts that would rock the Wizarding world on its heels.

And the stories would have many questions on why the Great Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was unable to solve the puzzle over the last fifty years when Gilderoy had figured it out so quickly. "I know I'm extremely clever, all you have to do is read my published works about my exploits. However, I find it difficult to believe that I am that much smarter than the Headmaster, who has had fifty years to research the question," Gilderoy said. "And my D.A.D.A defence classes all figured it out in less than two months!" Which really made the Headmaster look bad. And make the readers ask, 'just how safe is Hogwarts, anyway?'

Dumbledore would be in deep shite over that. If he admitted that he knew what the creature was and the entrance's location, then why hadn't he sealed it off to protect the children, at the very least? If he said he didn't know the nature of the creature or the location of the entrance, he looked incompetent! Dumbledore's stock of goodwill with the Wizarding public would continue to drop, especially among the parents of students. No matter what he said, his reputation suffered.

Yes, it was a good plan. And with the good Headmaster currently wrapped up in politicking with his friends in the Wizenmaggots and dealing with the ongoing power-vacuum Malfoy's demise had created, he wouldn't notice the Goblins rendering a rather large Basilisk into its components.