Chapter 6

[Cecilia]

So the day begins, so it shall end. From nightmarish memory, to the time I went back to bed my day was bad, boring, or uneventful. And now just flat out frustrating.

I sigh as I climb into bed. I miss the days, walking in the rose garden... No, I can't think of him anymore. It only hurts me. I sigh again. Why can't I just get over him? Why can't I just live my life without him? Why is it, that the very thought of him has my heart pounding faster and breaking at the same time? I just want some answers! I just want to live my life in peace without a broken heart! I don't want to live like this, always in pain! Why? Why did I have to be the one to go through this? No. No, no, no, no, no! I can't think of him!

Every thought. Every stupid, lovesick, thought. Of him. It's so frustrating! I just want to rip my heart right out of my chest and run away from it. Distance myself from the hurtful thing as far as I can. My stupid heart. After all that I've been through I should have known better. I should have known that it would just hurt me! That with how my life has been, there would be no happiness! Every shred of hope I have ever had, ripped away! For once in my life, why couldn't I have been happy? I just want hope. That's all. A little hope that I might one day be happy. Is that really too much to ask for. Just a little hope? Will I ever find it? Will I ever get over him? Will I ever be happy? I want to be happy. I was once, and then I had to mess it up by falling in love. A stupid mistake.

bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong...bong.

I count out how many times the clock chimes. It's eleven. I have a long night ahead of me. I have a feeling I won't get much sleep...

[Cahalle]

I feel like such an idiot. I should have told her. I can never focus on what I'm doing because I'm always thinking of her. I wonder what she's going through right now. I wonder if she thinks of me, and if she's as hurt as I am. I wonder if, had I told her how I feel, she would've stayed. Questions without answers constantly swirling in my mind, all because of one stupid mistake, one very stupid mistake.

I stand up. I will find her. No matter the consequences. I will find her.