39 A different kind of attraction

I wake up with my face against something warm and something tickling my nose. I blow out a huff of breath and shake my face slightly to get it off of me, but it stays unmoving. I try to drift off back to sleep but it continues to tickle my nose and when I am on the verge of a sneeze, I groan and try to slap it off my face.

My fingers reach up and feel that it is hair, so my eyes open and widen to saucers when I see that I have nuzzled into the back of someone's neck and their hair is in my face. I slowly remember that it is Ryker sharing the bed with me, and I inhale sharply. I slap my hand over my mouth and stop myself from moving too quickly away from him, afraid that he will wake up and find me in this embarrassing position.

I start by moving my leg back, and when it touches the place on my bed where I should be sleeping, I turn to lay flat on my back before continuing the motion in a slow roll of my body. I hold my breath for a few seconds, listening to his breathing to see if I woke him up, but when all is still quiet I let out a long sigh of relief.

I reach out and grab my phone to check the time and I frown when I see that we slept in, leaving no time for a morning run. I put my phone back down quietly, close my eyes and try to quiet my racing heartbeat, but it's only a few seconds later that I hear Ryker start to stir from behind me. I pretend that his movements have woken me up, letting out a fake yawn so I just look tired rather than flustered, and hoping that he isn't perceptive enough to notice the difference.

I glance at him quickly out of the corner of my eye, and that small glimpse convinces me to scramble out of bed and away from the image of his shirt riding up, showing off his incredible abs and the amusement I see sparkling in his eyes.

My face warms, and I jacknife up from my horizontal position and then quickly swing my legs over the side of the bed and stumble before righting myself and hurrying to the bathroom. I don't look back and try to hide so he can��t see the blush on my face.

"Morning," I say hurriedly, before closing the bathroom door behind me and leaning against it on the other side. I look to the ceiling and try to shake the image of him from my head. I think sweatpants were made to be a temptation to women. The way it fits low on his hips, showing the v-shape muscle that leads to what's below...I bite my lip and shake my head.

I brush my teeth and hop in the shower to freshen up and clear my head. I'm eighteen, and although I have been hesitant to be intimate with others, it hasn't stopped my growing desire or willingness to explore the unknown.

I made a promise to myself to go out and experience things, to live in the light and to live life to the fullest. If I want something, should I go for it? If it's just between friends, there will be less pressure, and I wouldn't have to worry about it affecting a relationship or when it all falls apart afterwards.

I'm not interested in being in a relationship with him - I'm not attracted enough to him for that. But I do trust him more and more each day and our connection has grown, which is a different kind of attraction, if I'm honest.

I think over the massage he gave me last night, and I replay the disinterested look on his face over in my head. Who knows if he would even be interested in a friend with benefits. I groan and put myself under the stream of water again, turning the temperature to cold to hopefully put my body into shock and freeze my errant thoughts. Rubbing a hand down my face, I ready myself and turn off the water so I can start my day.

In my hurry, I didn't bring in a change of clothes, so I put my pajamas back on and leave the bathroom. I find Ryker still laying on the bed, his hands clasped behind his head and a smug grin on his face. I give him a blank look, already ready for his antics and not letting them rile me anymore this morning.

I walk up to the bed and throw a pillow at his face, and he laughs while pulling it off of him.

"Time to get ready," I tell him. "We slept in."

"So we did," he begins, sitting up on the bed and looking towards me. "I had a restful and deep slumber. It was so peaceful, it almost felt like I was being cuddled. How did you sleep?"

I swallow nervously. Does he know and is playing with me right now? "I slept like the dead," I say while giving him a tight smile. "Even though there was some jerk in my bed, who tricked me into getting there."

He gets off the bed and starts to walk slowly over to me while giving me a bright smile. "You're not still prickly about that, are you?" I narrow my eyes at him and cross my arms over my chest while his eyes sparkle with amusement and he stops walking when he stands right in front of me. "I already explained it to you, love. The deal wouldn't have struck if you hadn't already decided on it," he continues.

"I still feel cheated, though" I mutter with a pout on my lips. His eyes flicker to my lips and he purses his for a moment before looking away and walking past me.

With my arms still crossed, I turn around him and watch him as he heads to the bathroom. When he gets near the door, he turns around and catches me looking over his backside, so I clear my throat and look away in embarrassment, but I catch a smirk on his lips before I do.

Damn it.

I hear the door close, so I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and scrunch up my face to try and cool the heat licking through my cheeks in embarrassment. I was watching him in a platonic way, I promise. I know he has a great body, and I don't understand why it doesn't call to me as it should, especially considering he looks like a dream. My dream, to be exact.

Perhaps after my last failed relationship and attempt at intimacy, I am still too shattered to be able to entertain the notion of jumping into another sticky situation. Especially one that looks as good as he does, he probably has lines of women after him and I don't see how he would want me, even if it is for being friends with benefits. He could choose anyone he wants.

In the time I have known him, though, he has seemed detached and unapproachable around other people, especially women. Still, he has only treated me as a friend so I need to either stop overthinking things, or work up the courage to see if he is interested in benefits between friends.

I'm an adult, and I may be one with trust issues, but I can make decisions about my body and deal with the repercussions of my decisions if any come from it. Javier had no issue making that decision, and we're the same age. He sure doesn't seem to regret his decision for intimacy, considering he is laying with Sadie every night.

Thinking about the two of them turns my thoughts dark, so I open my eyes and search my room for the lilax concoction to help turn my roiling emotions quiescent. Any thoughts of Javier's duplicity grates on my nerves and threatens to detonate my already thin and brittle hold on the short fuse to the brutal nature consuming me on the inside.

It's not a pretty picture of what's festering and taking root inside of me, and I imagine that if Ryker was to see that he would second guess our friendship. Let alone the fleeting idea I had of exploring what more our relationship could be. A snort threatens to come up at the thought of my own idiocy, and I nearly choke on the lilax tea that is going smoothly down my throat.

The tea starts to take effect and I find it easier to shut myself off from my worries and cut myself off from the tangled web of complex emotions that bog down my mind and heart. I need to stay focused and decipher the problem at hand - who the hell at this academy is targeting me?