Chapter .63.

The woods are lovely,

dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

and miles to go before I sleep,

and miles to go before I sleep.

- Robert Frost

* * *

Happiness like this cannot be achieved they told me.

Happiness like this cannot be given unless they are planning to take something away from you. Like the universe is some cosmic scale of how much light and darkness you can bear.

They tell you this, but they never put a limit to the amount of darkness you can achieve.

They never tell you that you can only be this sad. You can only achieve this much hatred, or this much pain before you're bound for joy.

The workings of the world seemed to be pessimistic in itself, but my viewpoint didn't help.

I wanted to be Alpha.

I almost laugh at my wish for more when I used those words to hide my true feelings or what I wanted.

Don't we all just want to feel whole?