1 Alicia, The Girl Next Door

He watched her as she ate her breakfast, it's already 11 am so he guess it is not a breakfast anymore—it's a brunch. He had no idea what is wrong with this bleached-hair-girl who always asking him to take her anywhere.

"Water please," she said while chewing her food.

He rolled his eyes and pour a glass of water from the pitcher to the clear glass.

"Stop rolling your eyes dude, seriously are you gay?" She bluntly said.

He want to punch the woman in-front of him because of spitting out those words. He is seriously not a gay, not a single chance.

She's always like that, she's too loud, she talks what and when she wants. She doesn't care if you get offended, the important thing is, she got to say what's running inside her messy brain.

Sometimes—all the times—that personality of her is really annoying to him, but also sometimes, he wished to possess the same brave mouth as hers, so that he can be vocal for what he's feeling.

But this girl is just too much, sometimes.

"Stop talking when your mouth is full," He said.

But the girl is sure about not losing to his lecture.

"Stop nagging and lecturing when I'm eating," she replied and chewed the food loudly to annoy him more.

He unconsciously shook his head and decided not to open any conversation.

What's the point anyway? She's very persistent with herself, she's not an obedient person. Not at all.

After feeding her—yes, he paid the bill, he can actually leave her and let her pay on her own but he decided not to, he can't understand his own self sometimes because he's letting this crazy woman to do unordinary things to him.

So after feeding her, she asked him if he could walk her home because it's too boring and sad to walk alone—according to her.

Some people might get the wrong idea, they might thought that they were dating, and it's a big no.

He has a girlfriend for two years and their relationship is very stable, they didn't fight over the small things like others. To be honest they had only one fight since then.

It was because when he called her in the middle of the night, very drunk, he said a lot of weird things to her. She got mad because she hates alcohol for the reason that it is not good in the body, she's a medical student that's why.

And Alicia is the very opposite for what he likes for a girl. She's too noisy and clumsy, on the other hand, Jocelyn, her girlfriend is very shy and timid. He loves hearing her soft chuckles rather than hearing the rude laugh of Alicia.

He really had no idea what's gotten into him for hanging out with such a manner less girl.

Maybe because Alicia is that someone who reminds him for what he hates. Alicia's purpose is for him to realize the things that he really dislike.

And maybe—just maybe, to make him realize and to embrace and accept the things that he deprecates.

It was seven pm and he just got home from the usual dinner date with Jocelyn. He lives at a medium sized apartment and Alicia lives next to him.

Speaking of the girl, she just knocked on his door and invited him to hang out on the rooftop, he said no because he was tired, but Alicia being Alicia, he is now leaning on the cold railings with her.

"Lyndon I'm cold," Alicia said while rubbing her skin.

"Then use your jacket," he said and eyed the jacket tied on her waist.

"This jacket is not for that," she frowned, "This jacket is a matchy with my outfit,"

He examined her clothes and she's wearing a gray tank top and a black pants, and the denim jacket on her waist.

"I think it is more fashionable if you're going to use your jacket,"

"Whatever, this is my outfit. Period," she crossed her arms and furrowed her brows to him.

He sighed.

"I'm not wearing any jacket, what do you want me to do?" He asked.

He didn't know that he's fighting her again over her rubbish things.

"Hug me you jerk," and rolled her eyes to him. "Faster."

He let out a deep sigh and hug her from behind, he rolled her eyes because the brat has won again. He just don't want to argue over the silliest things like this.

They've known each other for a year now and Alicia is very clingy to him, she's aware that he's taken but she doesn't give a damn. They just hug, no more things.

Alicia is leaning her back against his chest and she's clinging on his arm above her chest and his other arm around her waist. He's far more taller than her so he put his chin on the top of her head.

There's a time that he warned Alicia for being so demanding and touchy when it comes to him because he had a feeling that he's definitely cheating but Alicia only said—'who cares, we're not doing anything. Is it cheating if you're hugging your mom or sis?'

He refused, many times, but then he thought that Alicia was right. He was faithful to Jocelyn, he might be hugging Alicia right now but it was only a friendly hug. His heart and soul still belongs to Jocelyn.

"Lyndon," she said.

"Hmmm."

"In my next life I want to be something useful."

"Useful? Like a vacuum cleaner?"

She laughed and it vibrated against his skin, he can't help but to laugh because she's producing a very weird sound, like a pig.

"Yea, so I can clean your mess, so you won't have any bacteria like you always do."

And now, she's starting again. He can imagine her crinkling her nose.

He move his chin upward and downward to make a big impact on the top of her head, Alicia stopped laughing and bit his arms.

"Aliciaaaaaa!!" He shouted and try to pull his arms from her but the girl is still holding him tight.

"Your pointy chin—no let me rephrase that," finally she stopped biting, she turned to face him.

He groaned when she started pinching his cheeks and his chin, "This chin of yours is very deadly, you can use it to kill, do you want to kill me?"

"Stop Alicia! Your teeth are far more dangerous than my chin—ouch! Stop it!"

She gave him a deadly look and pinch harder, "Don't talk back!"

And then she started laughing, she hugs her stomach while laughing to death and she's clueless that he's now free from her, he unconsciously rubbed his cheeks and chin.

This woman is sure to be very brutal and violent.

"Why would you even want to be a vacuum cleaner anyway?" He asked when Alicia is finally normal— He means, she's not normal at all but more lighter than earlier.

"Nothing, I just want to try and know how it feels to clean the mess of people," she shrugged.

Here they go again, the random talks.

Alicia always stray the topics, they at least had 10 topics in one sitting, because she was so talkative, even the tiniest matters.

"Why don't you clean right now? You can still clean messes while you're still a human, you have abilities that a vacuum cleaner can't do."

"I just want to have an specific aim, imagine," she explains, "If I am a vacuum cleaner, my duty is just to clean, nothing more nothing less, and even if I don't work anymore there's this one element they can replace for me, because I'm common."

He was speechless because Alicia wanted to be common, when in fact, he thought she loves her own unique personality.

"Why do you want to be common?" He suddenly asked.

But the girl just shrugged to him, "Don't know for sure," and smiled at him, "I just want to be a vacuum cleaner."

He didn't know but to get disappointed again. Alicia is always like that, open up a random topic and suddenly fall somewhere serious and then leave him hanging.

He didn't know why he gets too excited knowing that she's opening up but in the end, disappointment is all he have got, as always.

In the morning he saw Alicia on his doorstep looking messy, it's very obvious that she just got up of her bed because she's yawning.

"Mowning," she said in the middle of yawning and step inside his unit without his permission.

She sat down on his dining chair and started to rummage the food on the table, he watched her as she ties her bleached hair into a messy bun.

Her face is bare, actually she doesn't like putting make ups, but he thought that she'd be more beautiful if she does.

Alicia is beautiful, her skin is not that fair, she's skinny but her height is outstanding for a common height of a girl. Her face now is exactly her face yesterday.

When you saw her in the first time you'll not notice her attractive face because of her skin but as you look at her, you will realize that she's a real beauty. The more you look at her the more you'll see a beautiful dark skinned woman.

They ate breakfast and go to their own businesses. Lyndon was a graduate of political science and now taking law, same school as Jocelyn who's taking medicine, while Alicia is taking mass communication but not at the same school as him.

He's so used being bothered by Alicia, until it became a normal routine for him.

But then, it's been three days since he saw Alicia, it's very unusual because she's always visiting his unit everyday, like it was a habit. This is the first time Alicia didn't visit him.

He thought of visiting her unit but decided not to. Alicia never invited her to her unit and also it is not appropriate for a guy to visit a girl without her permission.

It was six in the morning and Alicia's still not showing up. He stared at the door next to him, is she sick that's why she's not asking him to hang out? Of course he cares for her because he can say that Alicia is his friend, a bestfriend perhaps.

"Oh Lyndon, are you looking for Alicia?" He heard someone talking behind his back.

He turn around and saw Miss Betty, the landlady. She was holding an empty box.

"Yea, it's been four days since the last time I saw her," He said.

He saw the shock on her face, "Really? You didn't know that she already left?"

And now he's the surprised one, Alicia left? Since when?

"Left? What do you mean left?"

"She settled her payments last week, she said that her mom told her to stay in their hometown for good."

He's lost for words, the landlady excused herself because she's still fixing and cleaning Alicia's unit.

He thought that they were friends, even bestfriends but she didn't even bother telling him that she's leaving, and for good.

A life without the noisy Alicia has been good so far, he had a lot of time reading his lessons and had a lot of time for Jocelyn and of course, had a lot of time to sleep.

He didn't know that Alicia has been consuming a lot of time from him.

It's Friday and he's with Jocelyn, they were walking down the Crescent avenue to send her home. He was holding her smooth hands, he always liked holding her like this, like she was too fragile, because indeed she was fragile.

He never wanted to cause pain to her or her feeling hurt, he always want to stay by her side and protect her from all the pain that is possible to attack her.

He really love Jocelyn, without hesitation he pulled her close to him and hug her tight.

"Lyndon!" Jocelyn seems surprised for what he did.

"Let me just hug you," He whispered.

"I know, but we are in the public place, you can hug me later when we're alone," Jocelyn said and freed herself from his hug.

That made him froze and stop.

He thought girls love to be hugged, because Alicia's always looking for a hug. He feel so ashamed, he felt like he was too aggressive to have a skin contact with her.

"S-sorry," he mumbled.

"Let's go," Jocelyn said and held his hand.

Jocelyn is not a fan of PDAs that's why.

It was Saturday, he had nothing to do because he already finished his school works earlier than usual because there is no Alicia that's been bothering him.

He wanted to go out with Jocelyn but she was too busy with her requirements.

He lazily laid on his couch while watching basketball on sports channel, this is the first time that he'll watch without a nagging girl who always manipulating the remote control. This is good.

After watching the whole duration of the game, he took the remote to find an interesting channel. He stopped with a movie channel.

He remembered this movie, this is the movie Alicia always loved, he remembered Alicia asked her to download this movie for her to watch all over again.

"You're gonna miss me when I'm gone, when I'm gone," he also remembered that Alicia also loves to sing this song even though her voice is the worst, ever.

He didn't know but he felt something lonely inside of him. This movie is making him emotional, he decided to turn off the TV but before he could click the power button, his thumb touched something.

He examined the remote control and saw a letter carved on it. He brush his thumb through the letter A. That woman! She's always vandalizing!

He stood up and the remote control accidentally fell on the carpet, he sighed and lean to get it but before he could touch it, he saw another letter A carved on the carpet.

He wanted to scold Alicia for vandalizing his unit, he's a very organized person, he doesn't like vandalization, but Alicia wasn't here.

He go to the kitchen and pour a glass of water from the pitcher, he almost spit the water from his mouth when he saw another A carved on his mahogany table.

He decided to examine every stuff inside his unit, seeking for another A.

He saw A on the chairs, his books, his drawers, his favorite chessboard, his computer and even on the wall. Some A/s are not carved but written by either a crayon or a permanent marker.

He can't help himself but to laugh with frustration, that girl is really messy and untidy!

After a while he took a can of beer from his fridge, he remembered that Alicia is the one who's buying the beers for them to drink.

He sat on the chair on his veranda, one of their favorite spots. He silently stared at Alicia's chair beside him, she used to sat there and tell nonsense stories while snorting and later on laugh like a pig.

He didn't know why but he honestly misses Alicia's presence, sure Alicia is the most chaotic person he have met. He never knew that foolish stories from her can be an unforgettable moment for him.

Being alone while thinking unordinary things is making him feel empty without Alicia. With her, he can forget how composed he should be, with her he can laugh like it was the end of the world, and with her, he can show off his flaws without getting judgment from others.

And then, he touched another letter from his chair. But this time it was not just a letter anymore, it was words, he felt his chest clenched when he started to read it.

"Lyndon, my favorite soul,

-A"

Favorite soul? He was her favorite soul?

He could feel his heart thumping hard against his chest. He is now slowly admitting to himself that he misses Alicia so much, he really do.

He felt so honored knowing that he was her favorite, he didn't know if Alicia has some friends because they were always together alone. But he is sure that Alicia really treasured their friendship.

They were friends, but why in the world Alicia didn't inform him that she's leaving.

He stared at his wrist watch and it says that it is already 1:34 am, he stalked all accounts of Alicia on social media to find hints about her location but the girl deactivated all her accounts.

Maybe, she never wanted to be found, but then he wanted to thank her and tell her that she is also his favorite soul. If Alicia really want to be alone, then he'll support her, he just wanted to hang out with her one last time.

He thought about calling her but Alicia and him didn't exchanged numbers, and now he's blaming himself.

He snapped his fingers when he remembered something, Alicia's always blabbering about her personal blog site, where she's writing her poetries, he never believed it because Alicia is not the type of girl who is eloquent.

But this is the most useful tool to find her. He recalled Alicia's noisiness to remember the name of the site and then he almost jump when he finally remembered, the perks of having a sharp memory.

He typed aliciaschaos.com. He waited till the page load.

He never expected that this blog site is produced by Alicia, he never knew that Alicia also loves classic things, damn, how dare he call himself her bestfriend if he didn't even now about this side of her.

He scrolled the page, it has no pictures of her showing her face, he read a lot of feedbacks and comments from the viewers and most of them are suffering from heartbreak and depression.

"Bingo," he mumbled when he read something.

"This place is making me lonely and it was too damn good—at Sta. Lucia,"

Feeling lonely can make her feel good? She's too impossible.

Before searching Sta. Lucia, he enjoyed himself reading her blog site. Sometimes you will think twice if Alicia is really the author of those words, because they were too deep, maybe he really don't know her inner self, and it's making him feel hurt and betrayed.

Because everything that he showed to her is genuine but then, Alicia chose to show different side of her.

"He's touching his ears when he's embarrassed,"

What? Is she pertaining to him?

Later on he noticed himself touching his ears, really? She really did notice that? He's not even aware that he's doing that.

He kept on scrolling to find something interesting or something about him.

He found a folder entitled ALL ABOUT HIM. He knew he's too assuming for opening that folder but even though it's not really all about him he still wanted to read and know what's inside.

Everything is written in bullet type, unlike other writings, it was too formal and organized, a matchy with his personality.

He read the first bullet and his mouth gaped open.

* I know L that you are probably reading this, I want to thank you for finally believing me about this! Tadaaaah I know you are too amazed to react, and please close your mouth.

"Crazy as ever," he laughed while reading.

* He has a big crush on Iron Man.

What? Iron Man is definitely not his crush! It's just his favorite marvel hero!

* Don't even dare to give him romantic novels and made him watch romantic movies because surely, he will burn those.

Yea, she is probably right, they were always fighting on what movie to watch!

* He's allergic to seafoods, he'll turn red and he will cry like a baby when you made him eat those.

He can't keep himself from smiling because everything that's written on that folder are facts, some are just too overemphasizing but all in all, it was all true.

Alicia's been observing him the whole time, even the smallest things, and he can't help but to feel something warm inside his chest because he knew that there is someone acknowledging his existence.

The next day he picked up Jocelyn because they will be having a lunch date for their third anniversary in their favorite restaurant, actually Jocelyn's favorite restaurant.

He let Jocelyn to order food for him, he always let her on hand, he doesn't want to go against her in all means, it may look like he's under from her heels, but he doesn't care, he just wanted her to be happy.

"Happy anniversary love," Jocelyn smiled at him that made him smile too.

He always love seeing that sweet smile.

"Happy anniversary love," He replied and kissed her hands, it was quick because Jocelyn is not comfortable with those gestures.

"I have something for you," Jocelyn said while handing him a box wrapped with an elegant wrapper.

"Love, I told you, no need for these," He said but Jocelyn only smiled.

"Love, it's our anniversary today, take that as a reward for being such a good boyfriend to me," and she sweetly smiled.

Jocelyn can be really sweet doing things like this. He smiled back at her and took her present for him.

After a few minutes the waiter put the foods on their table. It was a lot than usual, Jocelyn usually balanced their food for their proper diet, maybe today is exceptional because today is a special day.

"Love," he called her when he noticed the kind of foods on the table.

"Yes love,"

"Didn't I tell you that I'm allergic to seafoods?"

Because the foods are mostly edible marine fish.

"Really? I didn't know," Jocelyn said, apologetically.

But Alicia did know.

He doesn't want to compare because they were both completely different persons.

"I have an allergy from seafoods," he simply said.

He didn't know but his mood are slowly turning into irritation, he doesn't want to fight over that little matter but he can't help it.

They had no proper conversation after that.

When he got home he started doing his school papers because the deadline is already waving to him. Making his self busy is somewhat helpful for diverting his attention from being irritated.

6:30 pm when he decided to take a break, he just ate early dinner and after that he turned on the tv to watch some news.

When he saw the gift from Jocelyn on his coffee table he immediately took it and opened the wrapper.

If it wasn't his love for Jocelyn he already burned the book in front of him.

Romeo and Juliet. He knew that someone out there are really gasping for this book, but he wasn't the type of person who's a fan of romance.

Jocelyn has been bombarding him to read her favorite books, he tried, believe him, he really did, but it's just don't work out like that.

And Alicia knew that, he loves and treasured all the gifts from Jocelyn even if it's all about romantic books, but he's just not really in the mood to be an understanding boyfriend right now.

The whole week has been very busy, he's always tired because of doing requirements and because of advance readings.

He slept early than usual and he woke up at exactly 10 pm. He craves from hang outs and random talks, if Alicia was only here. He sighed and dialed Jocelyn's number, she's probably awake because med school is very demanding when it comes to time. He should be busy too, he has a lot of cases to read but he just feel so exhausted.

After a few rings, she picked up the phone.

"Hey Love, what's up?" Jocelyn.

"Nothing, I just want to talk," and then He sighed.

"Are you serious? Lyndon, you knew that I don't have much time for these and I'm sorry for that, not now please, I'm busy."

"You're always fucking busy,"

Even him got shocked to the words that just came out from his mouth.

"Pardon?" Jocelyn's voice is shaking.

She hates curses, oh no.

"Sorry love, I didn't mean to���,"

"Shut up Lyndon!" He's so nervous right now, it's been so long since he heard his name from her mouth.

He knew that Jocelyn is mad right now. Very mad.

"Stop being childish! We both knew how hard and demanding this profession for me! You're a law student! You should've known!"

"I know, I'm sorry, please love I didn't mean to offend you—"

"But you already did! Why? Are you getting sick because I'm not always there by your side? Clinging to you? You're a busy person too, but you never heard any stipulation from me."

"That's not what I mean, I just need someone to talk to," he waited her reply but she didn't so he continued.

"Have you ever heard me complaining about you being so busy? You knew how supportive I am to your dreams," he can't believe that they're fighting over this. They're both matured to argue with this.

"I just want a little time and a little talk to breathe, I'm sorry," and then without thinking twice he ended the call.

He felt so bad fighting with her over that small thing. He just wanted to escape the tiredness from school, and his unclassified feelings since Alicia's gone.

They were both busy, and because of that, there's no much time left for them.

Is it bad asking for some time? Asking for small stalks? He just need a break.

"I'm fucking crazy," he said to himself as he entered the Sta. Lucia's boundary.

He can't help but to laugh with himself, he can't believe that he really did go here.

This is his first time visiting Sta. Lucia and he didn't expect that this town is such a huge place! It's been hour since he touched down here, but he's still looking for her.

Good thing he didn't bought his car because he will consume a lot of gas if he did, but he's tired of walking!

"Lyndon?" He heard someone from his back, the voice is too familiar that he automatically turned his back.

His mouth gaped open when he saw a girl with black short hair, if it is weren't her eyes he will not recognize her.

"Alicia?" He mumbles, "You look—,"

"Different, I know," she said and comb her hair with her fingers.

"It's a good different," he said.

"Really?" He just nodded as an answer.

He didn't know why he's feeling excited knowing that Alicia is in front of him. She looks more decent now than before, her hair is clean, but he also love how she looked back then.

He didn't know why does his heart is melting when Alicia smiled at him, it illuminates her face. Such a beauty.

Sta. Lucia is such a good place, there's a lot of tourist attractions around plus he was guided by a funny and crazy tourist guide. They spend a lot of time wandering around the place.

"Why did you cut your hair?" He suddenly asked while they are having their early dinner on a famous diner in the town.

Alicia shrugged, "Nothing, I just want something new in myself."

He wanted to open up the topic about her blog site but he thought that it might get awkward knowing that Alicia wrote something about him.

Maybe Alicia has an idea that he already read her blogs because she never asked him how in the world he knew that Alicia would be here.

Or maybe she expected that he will might be here.

"So how are you?" He started to ask.

"Me? Well I'm fine as always and the environment here is far more better than the city," She said.

The answer was too plain for him, he wanted another answer like why did she left? Why did she cut her hair? Why in the world she's not asking him to what is he doing here? And he wanted to ask about the blog site so fucking much.

"Why did you leave really?" He can't contain his curiosity anymore.

He looked at Alicia's reaction but she was just plainly chewing her food, like it was just a normal question.

"The life there is getting boring," she simply said.

"Boring?"

"Uhuh, I don't see my future living there anymore," she said.

"What about your dream to become a sensational news caster?"

Alicia's always boasting her dream to him, that she's going to be a fantastic reporter the world has ever seen.

"It's still my dream but I have another plans now, change of direction," she said like she's sure about what she's saying.

He wanted to ask more but there is something that's stopping him, he didn't know what it was, or maybe it is his own self prohibiting him from asking because he just wanted a normal day with Alicia.

It's 10 o'clock in the evening, he's with Alicia, sitting on the bench, waiting for a bus that will take him back to the city. He wanted to stay longer, he's not sure how long but he just wanted to stop time and savor every moment.

He didn't know if he's romantically attached to Alicia because Jocelyn is very important to him, he can see his future with her, having kids with her and he loves Jocelyn, he really do.

"When can I see you?" He asked bluntly.

He saw Alicia smiled bitterly, "You can see me anytime, anywhere, it's just up to you if you want to see me."

"So you're just here? Or you're going somewhere else?"

"That's not what I mean, but partly yes, I'll be staying here for good, that's sure."

So she wanted to see him too?

"Is it true?" He swallowed the lump in his throat after spiting out those words.

"That I'm your favorite soul?" He added.

He looked at Alicia and he was startled that she's already staring at him, giving him a look, a look that he's never seen before, it's not an Alicia vibe, it's too emotional, like he can easily see what she's feeling right now. Those expressions are so predictable but he never wanted to assume things.

"Yes," she whispered, "Yes Lyndon, you're my favorite soul." And he melted away the moment she smiled at him.

"You will always be my favorite soul, always remember that." Every word she said felt like an answer key to every question in his mind.

"Thanks for being my sanctuary in the middle of this shady world, for being a buddy, for being a listener and for being a good friend and a good soul, I will never forget you,"

He was about to say something but a bus stopped in-front of them. Alicia stood up and he followed her near the bus.

They were both staring at each other, like they are waiting for something to happen but Alicia just wrapped her arms around him.

"If you can't find me anymore in this world," and then she touched his chest, "We both know that I'm just here right?"

He hugs Alicia like he wanted to break her every limb, he doesn't want to let go.

"Promise me that you'll marry Jocelyn, have kids with her, just don't raise them like nerds," she laughed.

He closed his eyes, he knew what she meant, he knew what she feels, they just both decided to left the words unspoken.

The bus driver beeps the horn, a signal that it's time to leave.

Alicia break the hug but he leaned to touch his forehead to her. He can see sadness and longing in her eyes, and it hurts him.

"You're my favorite soul too, Alicia," he whispered. "Forever and always."

"Goodbye Lyndon,"

He leaned and kissed her forehead.

"Goodbye Alicia."

—————

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