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Chapter 45

January 17th, 2019

Collège de St. Cyr

Serpens Hall

Moon in Gemini - Waxing Gibbous

I've been lying on this bed for hours, crying my eyes out like the stupid little shit I sometimes am. Terrified I've lost the two people I care most about, angry at them, conflicted in my resolve, my emotions. On the one hand, I wish Alec would come knock on my door and apologise for her words, so we can go back to being friends. On the other, she was mean and hurtful, which made me lash back with a meanness of my own I now regret. It's not like I meant what I said, but I know every word coming out of her lips was deeply heartfelt. I know how she feels for me, and what she thinks of me. I will never live up to her expectations, not while I cling to Ezra and my feelings for him.