Chapter 7, The Vault Hunter, The Handsome, And The Lying Bitch
Unfortunately for David, fast travel doesn't exist in this universe, so instead of instantly arriving at Three horns divide, they spent nearly 4 days sailing. While Claptrap happily sang for the most part of those days, David on the other hand, gritted his teeth trying to resist the urge to absolutely throw the robot off the ship.
"Are we there yet?" asked David impatiently.
"Not yet" replied Claptrap.
"Are we there yet?"
"Not yet"
"Are we there yet?"
"Not... yet"
David continued to pester the robot for hours on end, trying to see if he could make the robot throw himself overboard or overheat his circuits.
"Are we there y-"
"Please stop." interrupted a tired Claptrap.
(Arrival at the shore at Three Horns Divide)
"Are we there yet?"
"YES WE ARE, NOW CAN YOU STOP!?" Claptrap shouted.
"Alright fine" replied David, getting off the boat.
"We're near Sanctuary, buddy. you go on ahead -- tell the locals what we'll require for my 'welcome back' party. I'll stay here and give 'em time to get what we need. Number one: ladies. Obvious. Number two: dudes. But hideous ones, we're talkin' morbidly obese, we're talkin' body odor, we're talkin' acne scars. The ladies'll take one look at these uggos and BAM! I start lookin' pretty good! Suddenly, it's not "ew, you get away from me you pervy little robot, you're creeping me out, why are you crying. I didn't even know robots could cry, look, if I give you a hug will you stop crying, alright, but keep that disc tray inside, OH (my) GOD WHAT IS THIS, MOTOR OIL?" It'll be more like, 'Claptrap, rescue me from these uggos and hump my leg.' which I WILL. Number three: we'll need booze, in case that other stuff doesn't work. Number four: streamers. Number fi-- are you writing all this down? Minion? Are you even-- you even here? Still? Lonely. "
While Claptrap was reciting his script, David had already left the shore and was staring at the bridge, waiting for something. When suddenly, the sound of cars, approaching the bridge at high speed, could be heard. David heard a voice coming from one of the cars, that had passed the bridge and destroyed it by launching a rocket at it. Both cars were Techincals from the Borderlands universe, with painted green and red on the sides.
"Sanctuary's off limits. You Bloodshots can stay in your hole. " The voice said.
Corporal Reiss, was the person behind the voice, he was one of the best soldiers the crimson raiders, a.k.a the resistance had. Well, he was until his very soon demise trying to get a new power core for Sanctuary's shield.
Undeterred by the comment, the Bloodshots in the other car, jumped over the gap, where the bridge once was.
"I SEEEEE YOUUUUU!" shouted one of the bloodshots.
"Awesome... why don't you boys run on back to your camp?" sighed Reiss.
"Oh! Good idea! I think we'll just turn around and head on back to our -- DIIIIIIE!" said another bloodshot before the sound of multiple gunshots were heard.
(Moments later)
After a few minutes of silence, David concluded that both cars had finished fighting, and well, the bloodshots won. David grumbled to himself knowing he would need to get back the power core Reiss had to enter Sanctuary.
When Suddenly, "Pandora is a violent and dangerous place. Sanctuary is...slightly less so. You'll need a car to reach the city gate. Get to the Catch-A-Ride." said Angel, appearing once again.
"Yes, my goddess of truth, a being such as yourself would never lie to me!" David sarcastically responded to Angel, making her extremely uncomfortable.
After the voice left, David made his way to the catch-a-ride-machine, while chucking modded grenades left and right at the Bullymongs appearing from the wilderness. Every time David killed something, he could feel his anger and hatred growing stronger, enough to come to another conclusion of his. Although David was someone else, he still was at the end of day, Anakin Skywalker, which was probably the reason behind the "Sith corruption" and all the strong emotions David felt. In his past life, David never really had strong emotions, his anger, hatred, love was like a calming ocean deep within him, unlike currently which felt like a tsunami of hate hitting him.
When David was approaching the catch-a-ride machine, still deep in thoughts when Angel interrupted. "This machine will digitally construct a vehicle for you. Give it a try."
Not saying anything this time, David attempted to spawn a car, from the machine that looked like a vending machine. After a few attempted in vain, a voice appeared from the machine.
"Whoa, unauthorized user up in my grill! You trying to hack my Catch-A-Riiiide?! Uncool bro, uncooool. " Said a southern American voice, probably belonging to Scouter.
"Damnit! Oh, sorry... darn it. A man named Scooter controls these Catch-A-Ride machines -- he may be short a few chromosomes, but he's a savant when it comes to vehicles. He's locked this station to prevent the bandits from using it, but I'm reading an inactive Hyperion bot in the Bloodshot camp. If you can attach its interface adapter to the Catch-A-Ride, I can hack the machine and get you a car. " exclaimed Angel with surprisingly real frustration.
"yeah, no, I'm not entering a bloodshots camp." Replied an angered David.
"But, this is the way to reach Sanctuary." Responded Angel.
"What are you, a Mandalorian ?" sarcastically said David.
"..." confused at the question, Angel stopped talking.
"Fine, have it your way, b*tch" David mumbled under his breath.
-----------------------------------
(On Helios)
Listening to Angels and Davids conversations, Handsome Jack was almost chocking on a horrendous pretzel from laughing to much.
Since the very beginning, Jack was listening to David by hacking into his Echo Communicator.
And boy, was Jack having the time of his life, since most Vault Hunters either were dumb as a Brick, or were smarty pants like the betraying bitch of a Lilith. And yet, a new Vault Hunter appeared, one smart enough to come up with military strategies, sarcastic comments and had the same combat skills as Jack.
But this one, this Vault Hunter wasn't interested in money, power, or vaults for the matter of fact, he was only interested in one thing, Order to the Borderlands of Pandora.
That, that goal, made Jack extremely curious about the Vault Hunter, and since Hyperion didn't have any Data on him, the only thing Jack could do at the moment is use him for his current goal. Taking down Sanctuary's shield.
------------------------------------
(Into the Bloodshots camp)
A few things were noticeable when entering the camp, namely the huge skull serving as entrance to the camp and the few bandits impaled on sticks.
In the camp itself, they were again more impaled bandits but also ripped tents covered in blood, not wanting to fight off every Psycho currently in the camp, David simply used Decepti0n and collected the adapter. But on his way out of the camp, the skill's timer ran out.
"Well shit" came out of David's mouth while watching every psycho turning their heads to him. Tucking the adapter into his pocket, David used his other hand to whip out his Tinderbox from the holster and aimed it to a Psycho's head.
"Flavor me fancy, but you really put the pants in panting!" said the Psycho, staring at David.
BAAM!
The Psycho's skull exploded into flames while his body fell backwards. The rest of the Psychos, now wanting to eat David's brains, charged at David without any weapons and some without... cloths.
"How is it bigger than mine...?" David asked outloud while throwing all of his grenades into the air. Before the fuse timer ran out, David did a 180 turn and ran. Making it just in time out of the camp, the grenades split into smaller grenades and blew up all with all the Psychos in the camp, to say the least, it was a bloody party.
Not wanting to smell black pounder mixed with a lot of blood, David made his way back to the vending machine.
---------------------------------------
(Back to the Catch-A-Ride Station)
Finally after collecting the adapter, mass murdering the psychos and puking a few times. David shoved the adapter into the machine with enough force to make the earth around him shake.
"Executing phase shift. " said Angel, still confused at David.
"Authorized user accepted. Enjoy the ride and there's a pimento taco -- a "Pimentaco" -- in the glove box. " Said Scouter's voice from the machine.
"Cool. Try requesting another car. " Said the female voice to the Vault Hunter.
"Wow, seeing this in reality is way different from the games." Thought David, with his eyebrows raised, betraying his calm yet angered demeanor. The car which was digi-structed in front of him, was a buggy from the games, it had sand colored sides with a metallic machine gun mounted on top.
"Thanks for using Scooter's Catch-A-Ride, beeyotch!" said the machine.
"Real charmer, that one. You should now be able to digi-struct a car from any Catch-A-Ride station. Now use one to jump that gap." Angel told the Jedi Knight.
Jumping into the car with the horse power of Lamborghini Murcielago and looking just as good as the old trusty Toyota Camry. David remembered something, what was it again, oh right, he doesn't know how to f*cking drive. Well, there's always a first time for everything.
After a few hours of listening to Tokyo drift and destroying cars, and digi-structing new ones, David finally got the grasp of driving and jumped over the gap, promptly making his way to Sanctuary's Gate.
"Great! Now head to Sanctuary and find Roland. He'll want to meet the Vault Hunter who stared down Handsome Jack and lived." Said Angel.
---------------------------------
(approaching the entrance to Sanctuary)
"Sometimes I envy you bandits. You're so... unburdened with things like intelligence, culture, morality, honor, ambition, good looks... I could go on but I won't. But I could." Jack said through Davids Echo device.
"Ah, dignity! Almost forgot to mention dignity. *a horse whinnies in the background* Easy Butt Stallion! Easy! " Said Jack as he stopped the call.
David, angry at the fact he didn't have sunglasses to go with his car, finally arrived at the entrance to Sanctuary and descended his car to use the itercom.
"You're never getting into Sanctuary, you Bloodshot skaglicks -- oh, hold up. You're a Vault Hunter. Just a sec, Roland wanted to talk to you! Lemme ECHO him!" Said a guard through the Intercom.
"Alright but make it quick." Replied an annoyed David.
"Ah, so you're the one I've been hearin' all this radio chatter about. Name's Roland. I used to be a Vault Hunter like you, until I formed the Crimson Raiders. We'll catch up when I get back to Sanctuary --for now, I need your help. My men tell me Corporal Reiss hasn't returned the power core we need to keep the city's shields running. Bring Reiss back to Sanctuary, and you'll have earned your place in the Raiders. " Said Roland through David's Echo device.
---------------------------------------
After David climbed back into his car and made his way to the Mark on his mini-map, Angel spoke up.
"Roland's contacted you? Good. Listen to what he says. He can help us defeat Jack."
"Really now, really, HE's the one that can help US defeat jack?" Replied David with a sarcastic tone.
"Yes, he can." Replied Angel.
"AND WHEN DID I SAY I WANTED TO DEFEAT JACK YA DUMB GOOF!?" Shouted David at the top of his lungs.
"..." Angel did not know how to respond to that, Jack and Angel never thought of the possibility of the Vault Hunter not wanting to get revenge or be a hero, for something he wasn't even a part of.
"What, did the cat take your tongue away or what bitch? You've been telling me I'm a hero and I'm going to save Pandora, but do I look like I give a shit? No, I don't, and you want me to defeat Jack?! You told me you were a fucking A.I! Why would you care about life, eh?!" Continued David.
"Well..." was all that Angel said before disappearing.
---------------------------
(A/N: I know his task is to save pandora, he just wanted something more for the *drama*.)