The Silver Stallion
[AGUST]
"Not today," a tired king Agust sighed, when he heard footsteps heading toward his office in the palace, making the person headed his way head back. It was what had been going on for the past five weeks and frankly, the Lycans were worried for their king.
Agust had not changed clothes since he had left his erasthai on that bed, defeated and in tears, begging for him to stay and hoping because Agust always found a way to make things better for him.
It was a truth that still haunted Agust to this day, because for the first time since he had become the most powerful king in the realm, and since he had broken free of his father and twin's restraints, Agust was a broken king.
His heart shattered for the most beautiful boy he had sworn to love and protect with everything he had and didn't have. He had managed to fail spectacularly and to this day he hadn't forgiven himself. He wouldn't.
No one knew what was going on in the king's mind, though if Kim So Hee were here she would have known that Agust was in mourning for his erasthai and their child. His Jiminie had a stillbirth, a child that had long died before he could say anything.
This wasn't how Agust had wanted to make a family with his erasthai. He had blamed himself and frankly, he still was blaming himself to this day. He had thought of the time he had pushed Jiminie off his bed and to the floor.
'Get off me, you smell like shit,' Agust had said to Jiminie that day. He had lied and broke his Erasthai's heart. He had watched his Jiminie bleed and he hadn't once done anything to make it right.
He should have… oh he should have.
"I'm so sorry, Jiminie," the drunk Helia king whimpered as he crawled across the floor, now that his legs were cramped up from sitting on the same spot for weeks. He hadn't moved an inch from where he was and he didn't even care about himself anymore.
Maybe if his Jiminie was here, he would have forced the Helia king to get up, take a shower, and face their reality together. His Jiminie would have found a way to make the king smile even if they were both in pain.
Agust missed Jiminie so much. His entire existence depended on that pretty alpha, but even with all that in mind, the king knew he was never going to get Jiminie back. Nothing was ever going to be the same.
King Agust had blamed himself for every little thing that happened to Jiminie and he hated himself for it. He was supposed to be the king who protected his erasthai and their child and yet again he had been bested by the same people who had taken his life from him.
He should have been careful when So Hee had mentioned Ming Chang Zhu's existence in the realm again. He should have reached his twin first and yet as he looked around the empty room he was reminded of his failure.
He knew who had forced Jiminie into heat like that. He hated that they had forced his erasthai to miscarry their child. He knew the person who had gotten his erasthai to his knees and it was eating him up that he failed again.
"I should have been a better Erasthai for you, my soul," Agust forced out as he struggled to chug down the remaining alcohol in the bottle. He had drunk all sorts of beer day and night till the only thing he could do was drink his sorrows away.
There were times when he wondered how Jiminie was doing, how his erasthai was holding on with the chaos that had taken place. He wondered whether Jiminie would ever forgive him for what had happened.
However each time he had that thought, the answer would always remain the same. The king knew Jiminie was never going to forgive him. Perhaps that was why he was drinking here like an old fool and had refused to fix the possibility of his alcohol poisoning.
He was alone. Completely and utterly alone, and there wasn't a thing he could do. Maybe he could go back to Jiminie and beg for forgiveness, but what good would that do for the both of them? His Jiminie was a marked target, one he hadn't saved.
He was the most powerful man with the largest of armies and yet before his twin, Ming Xiao Zhu had a weakness that had been explored. Agust wanted to find his way back to Kiyoto, but he couldn't do that.
'Forgive me, my soul,' he had said to Jiminie that evening, tears in his eyes as he disappeared from the love of his life.
"I'm so sorry my love," the great king whispered, the dried tears on his face lingering as fresh tears fell. It had been the same cycle, over and over and over. The crazy king was mourning his Erasthai's innocence and he was mourning everything.
He mourned the innocence he had taken, the innocence he had broken, and the innocence he had failed to protect. He had almost been a father with a family. He had almost had it all and yet as he lay slumped in his office floor, the king had nothing.
He had locked his side of the castle and had trapped himself in his office. He didn't have the strength to go to his room because it still smelled of Jiminie. Everything there reminded him of the kindest wolf in his life.
The only wolf however truly loved him and yet the wolf he had shamefully failed to protect. King Agust was fading and he knew it, but he kept reminding himself that he had put his Jiminie through hell so this was not even punishment enough.
"I will love you in every lifetime, Jiminie," the king whimpered defeatedly. Maybe if he loved Jiminie enough times, his erasthai would never be in pain. Maybe he would be out there defending him.
Jiminie had lost more than Agust and as scared as he was to go and see the alpha himself, Agust had wishes. Perhaps there would come a day when he would be courageous enough to see the love of his life, right?
"Your majesty," a familiar voice called out at the king's door.
"What part of not today did you not fucking understand? Do you want me to have your head? Because I would definitely feed on your heart like the animal I am and none of you lot will ever stop me," Agust growled slowly as he sniffled his tears.
He hated how pathetic he was and he hoped that everyone would just leave him the fuck alone. They had been pretty good at that for the past five weeks so today was not supposed to be different… except that it was.
"I'm coming in whether you like it or not," the voice insisted and Agust shrugged. Only one person was that audacious to defy him like that and he hoped it was who he was thinking of because he was going insane really.
"Whatever floats your boat, So Hee," Agust said as he floated in and out of consciousness. He wasn't sure he had anything to say to his best friend but right now, he was certain he needed So Hee more than he ever thought possible.
"Xiao Xiao…"