The Will To Become Something Greater
Alexander woke up with the sun hitting his face. It was the first time he ever woke up so late. Then he felt like something was missing. He moved his arms around and he couldn't feel Lili. She wasn't on the bed anymore so he got up as well.
He washed his face in the bathroom and went out of the room.
When he left the room, he found Lili in the kitchen, cooking. She looked happy as she hummed a song.
Alexander approached her and she saw him from the corner of her eye.
"Are you feeling better now?" She asked.
"Yes" He said while approaching her.
He saw that she was cooking rabbits, one of the things he taught her was how to cook. Suddenly, his gaze fixed on her back and he couldn't pull it away.
Almost by impulse, he walked up to her and hugged her from behind, placing his head on her shoulder.
"W-What are you doing?" She asked nervously.
"I don't know. I guess I miss the feeling from yesterday. You're a good pillow"
Lili started to blush and she turned around, but he pulled her back.
"I'm not a pillow" She tried to push him off her, but he didn't let go.
Lili felt her cheeks getting warm and she closed her eyes.
"What are you doing?" She asked again.
"Nothing. Just hugging you"
"I can't cook like this"
"It's fine, I can hold the pan for you"
"I don't want to burn the food"
"You won't. You're a great cook"
Lili was surprised by the sudden change in his attitude.
"Really? You were making fun of my cooking before"
"I don't remember doing that"
"You liar! You said it was barely edible a few days ago"
"I wasn't making fun of you. You completely burned the food that day, then you put so much spice that I couldn't feel my tongue after eating it"
"It's not my fault you can't handle spice. And I practiced a lot since then! You will see, I will make something good today..."
She placed the pan on the fire and continued cooking. Alexander noticed that she was getting nervous.
"It's okay. You are doing well"
Alexander tried to calm her down but she felt like he was messing with her.
"You better hope it is, you're eating it either way"
He only sighed in response and kept watching her.
After a few minutes, the food was ready. Lili was so concentrated on cooking that she forgot that Alexander was still hugging her.
"Until when do you plan to stay like this?"
Alexander didn't want to move but he found it too embarrassing to say it out loud, so he reluctantly stepped away.
Lili wanted to stay like that too but it was just too embarrassing. Then she started thinking about the books her sister gave her a long time ago, she read them in private and almost died of shame.
And of course, she never let Alexander get close to anything similar to that.
He sat at the table and Lili put food for him.
He started eating, he ate every bite slowly. Lili waited anxiously for his answer but seeing him eating as much as he was, was already a huge relief.
Alexander didn't know why, but as he ate, he started remembering a lot of memories from the time he spent with Evan.
He took a long time to finish all the food and he ate everything Lili made for him.
"It was delicious..." He said softly.
Lili became really happy about his praise until she saw that his face didn't look good at all.
She approached him but before she could say anything, he spoke.
"At the mountain... Ren, Mark, Vicky, Mark, Anna, and Hans. They all died"
"..." Lili was stunned. She thought he would go for a safe mission like always. But now everyone is dead?
"I... I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't fast enough, and I wasn't able to protect anyone of them..."
His face showed a lot of emotions, pain, grief, regret.
"...No... No, that's wrong, I was fast enough, I was strong enough... Those are just excuses. I could have done better, I should have been more careful, I shouldn't have left them alone...I-"
"STOP!" Lili interrupted him before he could say anything worse.
"It wasn't your fault, you couldn't possibly know that would happen. I don't know exactly what happened but I'm sure you made everything you could... So don't blame yourself like that"
"But it's the truth! If it wasn't my fault, and if I did everything I could, then why am I the only one alive?! Why am I the only one who survived and everyone else died?! Why can't I protect anyone?"
She embraced him and her hands held his.
"I don't know... But don't say that... You protected me, don't you remember? You saved me. I'm here next to you"
She placed his hand on her face and closed her eyes.
"When you found me, I was lost, afraid, sad, and so weak that I could break at any time. And I'm still not strong enough to protect myself, but I don't have to worry about it anymore because I know that you will protect me with everything you got... So please don't say that everyone is dead, I'm right here"
Tears fell from her eyes as she talked
"Lili..." His eyes widened as he realized what he said.
"I'm sorry. I... didn't mean to make you feel bad" Lili said as she tried to clean the tears in her eyes.
"No, You are right... How could I say something like this, I'm such an idiot"
"You are doing it again"
"...Sorry. But thank you Lili, you made me realize what is really important now"
He got up from the chair and wiped the tears from her face. Then he turned towards the door. He needed to get stronger, even stronger than his past self before he lost his curses.
"Where are you going?"
"Back to the mountain"
"Why?! Are you going to get revenge?! That's the opposite of what I want!"
"No, revenge isn't important right now. I'm going there for something else"
"Then tell me"
"I'm going there for the Exp"
"What?"