1 Infant Thoughts

'it's Dark' That was the first thing I thought when I opened my eyes.

But something was different, the walls and the bed were not the same as before, and I see a wall entirely made of something I didn't know. I think they called it glass.

'Well, let's try to touch it and see'

I tried to move but I couldn't. Maybe I need to grow bigger to be able to move? No, I should be able to do it, right? I saw something smaller than me moving before, but this time I failed again. I started feeling strange.

'I think this is what they called feeling sad'

I wanted to know more about the new thing that appeared in my life but I couldn't because I didn't know how to move.

I know it was named glass because some of the things that move called it that, but at the time it was too far and I couldn't hope to reach it.

'I wonder if I will see them again, I wanted to ask at least how to move, and why they were so big'

I remember their hands brightening green. They would appear from time to time, approach me, and brighten their hands green.

Every time, filled with excitement, I would look at it and try my hardest to understand how it worked to be able to do it too.

While I was lost in my thoughts, a part of the wall suddenly disappeared and I was stupefied trying to reason how that worked.

A thing that moved entered the room, but it was different from the ones that I knew. The ones I remember were black and white, this one is just white. The room got bright and it approached me.

"How are you doing little baby, I will start the experiment " He said with a smile that reached its ears.

Then I started feeling something in my arm, and I recognized it.

'it's pain, my arm is being hurt'

I didn't like it, I tried to do something but I couldn't move. I looked at my arm and saw a tube and a red thing leaving my body. I started to feel pain in my other arm too. I turned my head and saw another tube but this time there was something gray being injected.

I started feeling pain all over my body increasing little by little, it felt like I was burning, and my body that couldn't move started twisting, as time passed the pain was becoming unbearable, and I fainted.

"Hey, if you faint now the experiment might fail"

Then he got a needle from somewhere and inserted it in my arm. The pain multiplied and I awoke brutally, my mouth that have never moved before started to open, and from there I made my first sound ever since my birth.

"AAAAHHH" A loud hollow scream filled with pain. What that thing called experiment lasted for a long time...

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I barely get to open my eyes, feeling like I lost all my will to live, looking at that same white roof and walls, a long time passed since the first experiment.

I discovered that I am something called human, the moving things are humans too, also it looks like I am the small one and they are not that big. The man that calls himself 'doctor' came to my room from time to time and did his experiments.

The time for the new experiment arrived and he entered the room, he brought something different this time, a giant cup with milk and a tube coming out of it.

"Hey boy, happy birthday! We have been together for a whole year now, it must have passed one year and some months since your birth, with my experiments, your body is stronger and it should be possible to walk and talk but you have no energy in your body"

"..."

"look how skinny you are! I know you can't eat properly but you don't have to worry, I will just need to make a hole in your stomach" He said with the most creepy smile, then some more time of torture started...

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I woke up and looked around, I was alone again in the white room, after so long I became used to the pain so the experiments didn't seem scary anymore.

I remembered what that man told me and tried to move. My fingers finally showed reaction and moved.

My eyes turned red, little drops of water fell from my eyes, and I started crying.

For the first time in my little life, I became happy about something,

I could move! Just the tip of my fingers but I was moving. A smile begins to form on my face. Then after an hour, I started moving my fingers, arms, head, feet, and legs.

'This is the happiest day of my life! Now I can touch wherever I want!'

The sense of touch is one of the greatest sources of information and I liked the feeling of controlling it. I rolled my body to the right.

*Thud* '...ouch'

I fell from the bed.

'I have to learn how to walk now, my goal is to reach the glass, I want to know how it feels to touch it'

So close, but so far away at the same time.

I used my arms to stand up and surprisingly I could stand, with a great step for me and a greater one for me too, I tried to walk. Then I lost balance and fell again.

*Thud*

After that, it was a very long journey of a baby standing up, walking two steps, and falling over and over again.

When I reached the glass, I realized that it wasn't something that great or interesting but it made me feel really good.

'I made it, I reached it, I did it!' I became very happy that I achieved my goal.

'Now let's test out what else I can do now that I can walk' I became excited.

Looking back at the bed I started to walk and realized I could walk faster, so I walked in circles, faster, faster, faster until I lost balance, my legs

intertwined with each other and my head had a lovely meeting with the wall.

*Bump*

'I have to be careful' My head had a tone of red on it.

The humans that were with me in the first month loved to talk about love and said it makes you red, but my head is red and it hurts.

'Strange, Doctor once told me that there are people who enjoy pain, maybe pain and love are the same things? It is red so it should be love but it hurts...'

The time passed and I learned how to jump, run, roll and make different sounds with my mouth. As I was starting to feel bored, Doctor came.

"Look at you, so full of energy, I know you want to thank me but there is no need, I am too kind for that. I am gonna start a new experiment now and you will be my first subject, now come with me"

We left the room and I became very excited, I had never been in a place bigger than the closed white room, and I was used to the pain so I didn't care about the experiment.

I looked around as we were walking, the walls, the roof, and the strange things were all white. We passed another door and walked down a very long hall, on both my left and right I saw many other rooms.

There were a lot of rooms and every one of them had someone in it, big, small, fat, slim, pointy ears, fluffy tails, red horns, all kinds of people.

We entered a large room with a bed in the middle and some lines with strange patterns painted on the walls and floor.

"Okay, now lay on the bed and we will start" He said as he left the room.

As I lay down on the bed, something quickly bonded me to it, my wrists, neck, and legs were now covered with a thick iron chain, struggling to leave the bed, I heard the Doctor's Voice.

"Relax, you will not die, I am not that evil and you have plenty of uses"

The lines started shining red light, the whole room started shaking. I started being electrocuted, the light getting brighter.

Pillars raised from the ground all around me and started glowing a black light. The black light overwhelmed all the red and started approaching me.

The deep black light slowly covered me from the foot to the head and when all I could see was black I started fainting.

'Is this all that life is? I tried hard to enjoy it, I keep getting the feeling that I will regret not doing so, but it looks like it keeps trying to make me sad, feel pain, and I don't even know why.'

*sigh* I could feel the pain from being electrocuted. But I was used to it and my body didn't have the strength to struggle anymore.

'Life seems to be such a dark place'