43 Get Over It, Already (I)

I step a little farther away from Keiran and his overly friendly smile. "I haven't run into too much trouble," I say, not wanting to tell him that even the thought of accepting his help makes my skin break out into hives.

A friend request pops up, and I hit no without thinking.

Keiran laughs. "I'm not going to bombard you with messages. I just like helping people out." He sends it again.

I have the feeling he'll just keep sending a request until I give in. He seems like the kind of guy who wears down his prey.

I accept his friend request with a sigh.

"It's nice to meet you. Maybe our paths will cross again soon, Aria." He lets my name roll off his tongue once more, low and intimate.

With a wink, he turns and saunters back over to his companions. I shudder once he leaves, rubbing my arms briskly to get rid of the goosebumps.

"What a flirt," I mutter as Darius and I head back to our patiently waiting horse.

"You seem to accrue them faster than exp," Darius says. "Hopefully he isn't as bad as Gryphon." His lips twist when he says Gryphon's name; he's still upset over the incident in my room.

I snort. "I don't think anyone can be as bad as Gryphon." Though, as I think back to that day—

[Administrator has interfered.]

[Administrator is overriding the system.]

[Quest: Get Over It, Already (SPECIAL)

Description: The Administrator is frustrated with your slow progress. Until you let go of the past, you will never be able to move forward.

Objective:

- Appreciate your second chance.

Rewards:

???]

Darius looks at the quest popup in confusion. "What is this?"

I stare at the quest notification in annoyance. When I try to get it to disappear, it doesn't, stubbornly hanging around in my periphery.

"Hey, Administrator!"

[Administrator has interfered.]

[Administrator is overriding the system.]

[The System Administrator cannot stay long.]

[The System Administrator wishes for you to live without holding onto the past.]

[The System Administrator advises to try enjoying what's in front of you, rather than judging past actions.]

[The System Administrator suggests that there's more to life that you're missing.]

[The System Administrator blushes and coughs.]

[The System Administrator mentions that Keiran Dulan is handsome.]

[The System Administrator doesn't mind a little drama, if it helps you get out of your rut.]

[The System Administrator can appreciate how competition can motivate a man.]

[The System Administrator winks suggestively.]

[The System Administrator waves goodbye.]

[^_^]

I stare at the notifications in disbelief, my jaw hanging open. The Administrator's audacity leaves me speechless for a long moment.

Darius turns to me, his brows furrowed in concern. "Aria, can you explain what's going on? I've tried not to push and let you have your secrets, but... for an Administrator to be involved..."

My cheeks burn at the suggestion of Keiran. As if I'd ever be interested in someone so smarmy! The Administrator doesn't know me at all if they think flattering me with a handsome face will work.

"That insufferable Administrator is trying to push me in a direction I don't want to go," I snap, glaring at the lingering quest notification. "They keep insisting I let go of the past, but how can I?"

Darius rests a hand on her shoulder. "Calm down. Let's sit and rest for a bit while we talk."

I exhale in a rush of breath, running shaky fingers through my hair. I'm frustrated, and the idea of liberating my secrets gives me a sense of relief. "You're right, we should sit for a moment."

We find a shaded spot under a large tree and I lean back against the rough bark, stretching out my legs. Darius sits cross-legged beside me, his eyes full of patient understanding.

"In my past life, I worked at the Magic Tower in Antaros. I worked in the research department…"

Darius doesn't bat an eye, encouraging me to continue. So I do. I explain my past life, and the strange players who appeared before me. I tell him about their quest, and how I died. I tell him about the strange windows that appeared after my death, and how I woke up here, as a player.

My hands clench into fists at the memory of the searing pain and humiliation.

"When I woke up in this new reality, I vowed to get strong enough to make those players pay for underestimating me." I stare off into the distance, my jaw set. "That's why I want to duel Gryphon. He's one of them. He's the one who killed me."

Darius is silent for a long moment, processing my words. "I see now why you were so shaken by him. And why you've been so singularly focused on leveling up and getting stronger."

I nod, the ember of anger in my chest flaring up again. "Precisely. So you can understand my frustration when this meddling Administrator keeps insisting I just move on. How can I possibly do that after what happened?"

"Aria..." Darius says gently. "I don't think the Administrator means you should pretend it never occurred. You've been here long enough to know that what they did to you is nothing they did out of malice."

I look away. Yes, I'd realized that a long time ago. But…

"What I think they mean," Darius continues, "is that you have an incredible opportunity here—a chance to truly live freely as yourself, without being bound by your origins or past self. You were unhappy before, right?"

I nod, a jerky movement of my head. I'm not thrilled by his words, but I'm listening.

He smiles wistfully. "I may be an NPC guide, but I envy the freedom you players have to shape your own stories and destinies. You're not constrained by predetermined fates anymore."

I swallow hard at the reminder that he doesn't get a choice.

I do.

I've been gifted that.

I've been so focused on avenging my death that I haven't stopped to appreciate that fact. I had a choice, but I threw that choice down the path of vengeance without a second thought, thinking I needed a purpose to live for.

Thinking without revenge, I'd have nothing…

But how can there be nothing?

I was never told that my fate was vengeance.

I was told that my last life ended without fulfilling whatever destiny I was meant to have. Surely it wasn't my destiny to live and die in misery?

I stare at my hands, Darius' words ringing in my head. A chance to truly live freely as myself, without being bound by my origins or past self. It's a concept I've never thought too deeply into, convinced that everything about my second chance is tied into my past life. Like this life isn't my real one.

And yet, the weight of my past is exhausting. Is this how I want to live my second life? I think I see, now, what the Administrator means by not appreciating the chance I was given.

I'm dead there, and living here.

This is my life now. I'm me, right now. I don't need a purpose, do I? Did I have one in my past life? No. I just lived, struggling to keep on for another day.

I think back to Gryphon, to the way he looked at me with such intensity and longing. Can I imagine just forgiving him, after what he did to me? The thought makes my stomach churn.

But at the same time... I'm tired. And today's Gryphon is not yesterday's Gryphon. Granted, the man has his issues, but—

Appreciate your second chance, it says.

I think of Jeniss, of her earnest friendship and the way she's always trying to include me in things. Of how I can't accept her friendship wholeheartedly because I keep thinking about how much I want to hurt her brother.

I think of the thrill of mastering a new skill, of the satisfaction that comes with completing a challenging quest. Of how I always think about how getting stronger means I'm a step closer to revenge.

I think of the way the sun feels on my skin, the taste of a perfectly cooked meal, the joy of discovering a hidden treasure. All the little moments that make life worth living, that I haven't even noticed in my quest for vengeance.

I've been too blind, haven't I?

I open my eyes, meeting Darius' patient gaze. "I think... I think I understand what you're saying," I say slowly. "And what the Administrator is trying to tell me, too."

* * *

[Quest: Get Over It, Already (SPECIAL)

Description: The Administrator is frustrated with your slow progress. Until you let go of the past, you will never be able to move forward.

Objective:

- Appreciate your second chance.

Rewards:

A sense of self-worth.]