33 Progression Analysis [4]

I calmly walked up toward the chair under the eyes of all the cadets. 

'In the end, I ended up being the last.' 

I didn't mind it. Rather, it helped me to more or less understand better how the test worked and understand what things wouldn't work well. One such example would be tongue-biting. 

During the trial, one cadet ended up biting their tongue off while training to keep themselves from screaming. 

They ended up going to the infirmary. 

"Put on the bracelet. I'll start when you're ready." 

Click—

I felt my body tingle the moment the bracelet closed on my wrist. 

'....How weird.' 

It felt rather heavy. 

"Hue." 

I took a small breath and looked toward the assistant professor. Even now, I still didn't understand the reasoning behind his displeasure. 

However, such things were trivial to me. 

My thoughts quickly focused on the examination at hand. 

'I wonder....'

I once again looked at the assistant professor and turned to look at the bracelet on me. 

'....How much pain must I go through in my life before finally becoming immune to it?'

I felt the corner of my lips pull up at the thought as I mouthed. 

"I'm ready." 

Was I even close to such a point? 

"I can start." 

* 

The pain started off as mild at first. 

It tickled my body. Almost as if a current of low-voltage electricity was coursing through my body. From the bottom of my feet, all the way up toward my head. 

The sensation coursed through every corner of my body. 

"0.1" 

The assistant professor's voice echoed in the background. 

The pain intensified. 

But... 

'Is this it...?' 

I looked around. Everyone was staring at me. Closely observing me as I sat down on the chair while the assistant professor announced the score.

"0.2" 

There was still hardly any pain. This wasn't pain. I was familiar with pain. It didn't feel so weak. 

"0.3" 

The tingling intensified, but it was still tolerable. 

Uncomfortable would be the right word to describe the current situation. 

Yeah...

Uncomfortable. 

"0.4" 

My chest felt a little tighter, but that was still tolerable. 

"0.5" 

"0.6" 

"0.7" 

Finally, I felt a familiar sensation. Pain. It was finally starting. 

It wasn't intense just yet, but it was there. Lingering toward the deepest part of my mind, it was starting to claw its way up into my mind. 

"...." 

The entire time my eyes had been open, taking in my surroundings without once closing them. 

I wanted to make sure I was conscious. 

"H-huh..." 

At some point, I realized...

Breathing was becoming more and more difficult. 

"0.8" 

"0.9" 

The higher the numbers, the harder it became for me to breathe. 

I still persisted. 

This much was... 

"1.0" 

"Ukh...!" 

A groan escaped my lips. 

The pain was sharp and different. Unlike before, when it felt like electricity was running through my body, the sensation changed. It was now more akin to me getting stabbed from all sorts of spots. 

"1.1" 

A stab in the chest. 

"Ukh!" 

"1.2" 

A stab in the arm. 

"...khhh!" 

"1.3" 

A stab in the leg. 

"....Kaugkh!" 

"1.4" 

The pain focused on a singular point and was less spread apart. Such pain was a lot harder on the mind than the previous one. Especially since it became sharper and stronger with each call. 

"1.5" 

"1.6" 

"Khak...!" 

The count continued, and with each count, the pain intensified. I thought I'd be able to tolerate it given how much pain I had been able to sustain throughout my entire life, but that had been a naive thought of mine. 

Pain...

I was still not used to it. 

My lips trembled at the thought as I managed a mumble. 

"Kh... B-bullshit...!" 

'So you're telling me that after all this time, I'm still a slave to pain...?'

"H-ha...!" 

"1.8" 

How could that be? 

"1.9" 

"Kh....!!!" 

How could that be....!! 

"2.0" 

".....!!!!!" 

I almost faltered as I felt my body tremble and my arms shake unsteadily. 

The pain had changed yet again. It was no longer stabbing at me from every corner. It now felt as though I was being literally squeezed alive.

As if a massive boulder was resting on my shoulders, gradually growing heavier with each passing second. 

But even in such a situation...

I persisted. 

"2.1" 

"Ah—!" 

I almost screamed then. 

I was close. So very close. But I held myself back. 

'No, not yet...' 

2.1 was high. It sure was... but I expected more of myself. 

How could I be satisfied with such a score? 

Me...

Who bragged about knowing pain? 

"2.2" 

How comparable was this to the pain I felt when my parents died? 

It was incomparable. It was a different pain, but it was a pain that took the breath out of me and kept it that way for months. 

Each day... Knowing that they were gone, never to be seen again... 

The hollowness that it brought. 

"H-ha..." 

It stung my heart. 

'It's milder than that pain...!' 

So.... What reason was there for me to not be able to withstand such pain? 

What reason...!? 

"2.3"

"Kh...!" 

What about when compared to the pain I felt when I was told I was going to die early? 

That I had no future to look forward to? That I was supposed to just give up and live the rest of what remained of my life. 

Bullshit! 

Bullshit...! 

Bullshit....!!! 

How was this comparable to that....! 

Who the hell are you making fun of?! 

"2.4" 

....And what about the pain I felt when I watched my little brother almost kill himself in the vision? 

"Kh...!" 

And the pain from my repetitive failure in trying to understand a single spell? 

How about that?!? 

Fucking bullshit! 

Bulshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! 

'Ahhh...!' 

Unknowingly, the world around me had long turned black and the noise outside disappeared.

It took me a while to realize, and when I did, I no longer screamed. 

There was no longer a need to. 

I wasn't alone anymore. 

It was just me and the pain now. 

Right... 

Once more, it was just the two of us. 

Even in this life, it still haunts me. 

Yet, simultaneously, walks beside me. 

I yearn to rid myself of it, yet I can't summon the strength to cast it aside.

Why is that?

It was a silly question when I thought about it. 

In the end, pain is the one that remains by my side, never truly leaving me.

My one and only companion. 

Which is why..... I know I can't get rid of it. 

'Haha...' 

Such is my life. 

"Huaaa....!" 

Light returned to my eyes as I felt my head roll back. 

"Khh...! Kh...! Kaht!" 

My body started moving on its own and my arms flayed around. 

Kata! Kata! Kata! 

Unknowingly, I had lost control of my body as it started to trash around on its own, the chair rattling widely at my movements. 

Amidst the chaos, I felt something trickle down my eyes as I locked gazes with the assistant professor who was staring at me with wide-open eyes. 

While I lost control of my body, I hadn't lost control of my mind. 

Even as it flayed and spasmed, not once did I take my eyes away from the assistant professor. 

Not once... 

"Kk...!" 

'Why...?'

This persisted for several more seconds until my body eventually started to calm down. 

Kata... Kata...

"...." 

Silence persisted over the surroundings as I continued to stare at the assistant professor. 

Something boiled in my chest as I stared at him. 

It threatened to spill at any second as my jaw clenched tightly and I tightly gripped the arms of the chair I was on. 

"....Why did you stop it?" 

To the point where I found myself gnawing at him. 

"The test..." 

I spat each word through my clenched teeth. 

"Why. did. you. stop. it." 

It was hard to describe the type of rage that I was currently feeling right now. 

It wasn't one that was born out of frustration. It was different. A lot more vicious than that. 

Hatred...

Yes, that was the right word. 

"W-why...?" 

Yet again... This man! 

My chest heaved. 

"You...!" 

"Stop it right there, cadet." 

A voice descended down on me, stopping me mid-sentence. A familiar figure walked in, her heels clicking against the ground as she walked to stand in front of me. 

Professor Kelson. 

"He-he stopped me...! He..." 

"I stopped you." 

The Professor cut in all of a sudden, shocking me as my mouth shut.

She stopped me…?

Bringing her hand forward, she touched my cheeks and pulled her hand back, showing me her finger. 

"....This is why I stopped you." 

Only then did I realize the severity of the situation. 

"Blood...?" 

"Your blood." 

"....Ah." 

What was bleeding? 

"Your eyes are bleeding. I had no choice but to stop the test. If I had kept it going on for longer, you might've gone permanently blind." 

".....I see." 

So in the end... My body had failed me. If only... 

"You still don't get the reality of the situation, do you?" 

When I heard the Professor's voice again, I looked up and tilted my head. Only for me to hold my breath upon realizing something...

Everyone. 

Be it those from my group, and those in the other groups. 

They were all staring at me. 

Unlike before, they all wore similar expressions to one another. 

The reason why became clear to me shortly after. 

"5.04" 

The Professor said in a low tone while staring deeply into my eyes. 

".....That's your final score." 

*** 

This is the first chapter of today. There will be another one at the usual time.