July 8th, 2018

Sundays are the easiest for me to wake up. It's weird because they are the days you are supposed to sleep in, but I never can seem to help myself. I am a morning person and that will always stick. I got up before the alarm clock went off and went to the bathroom with my hair\makeup stuff and got ready to face another day. When I got back to the cabin all the girls were buzzing with how close the dance was and that reminded me of the note, I had been so sure to give the night before. Just thinking about it made my stomach go inside out but I wanted something more than just daydreams this time, so I shoved the note into my back pocket of my shorts and took a deep breath. When my friends were done, we all walked together to the Pavillion and waited outside. We sang Oh Canada while the flag was raising and then we all headed inside to eat. After we were done, I talked to my friends and my eyes caught Alex's. He smiled and I smiled back. The letter felt like it was burning a hole into my pocket. I took a deep breath and took it out. Out of nowhere, Jory scooped it up and out of my hands reading it. She looked up at me with a wicked grin on her face and bolted to Alex. I groaned and turned away not wanting to look as she gave the letter away.

"Hey Chloe" Alex said. I whipped around to look at him face to face and tried my best to smile without looking nervous.

"Yes, what do you need" I felt like I was going to puke.

"Did you really write this?" He said, bringing the letter to my eye level. The smile on my face slowly disappeared and I answered,

"Yes" He frowned and threw it away.

"No" and with that he was gone. All I could think about was how this wasn't how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to say yes. I felt like I was going to cry. I looked around and saw Mac and Cheese sitting by herself and I walked away from my friends to her.

"Can I go to my cabin. I forgot something" I said to her trying to look really happy. I was an actor after all now. I could be another person if I wanted to.

"Of course. Just be quick. We are going to give out warm fuzzies soon" she said. I smiled and walked out of the Pavillion. When I got into my cabin I let go. The tears began to fall and I was more angry than sad. I really thought this was going to be the one. Every time I let my hopes get too high the world crushes them again and again. I wasn't going to let this one boy ruin my whole week at camp. I looked at cutie and smiled. That teddy was my whole world and if it would stay with me till I died then why did I need a stupid boy that I would probably never stay with. I walked out of my cabin and back to the Pavilion. I found my friends and they looked worried. I smiled letting them know I was fine. We went back to the group that was always laughing and smiling. Then we were all ushered outside and told to get into a circle. I glanced up to find Alex looking at me. And with his eyes on me, I went back to my zoned-out life. Alex was the only thing in my zoned-out world.

All of a sudden, I was pushed into the circle with everyone clapping. Was I still dreaming? And then I saw Bunz and in her hands was a beautiful warm fuzzy. It was red, pink, and white. I walked forward and a smile appeared on my face. Somehow getting my warm fuzzies had changed my whole mood. I hugged all the counsellors and literally ran back to my spot in the circle. Did I mention I hate it when I am the center of attention? I glanced back at Alex, and he was smiling at me. He was staring at me. Me. I looked back down and after a little while we were done, and it was free time. I went back to my cabin and smiled at my warm fuzzies. I finally got my warm fuzzies. When I was done, we all went to the Pavillion. There they told us we were going to have to decide between hiking and canoeing. The first thing that came into my mind was Meegan saying that if I ever got a chance, I would go canoeing but I wasn't Meegan. I chose hiking because I loved to do it. Then we were told everything we needed to hike and sent to change. I put on shorts and a light shirt. I took my warm fuzzies off and my name tag. Then I linked arms with my three best friends, and we walked to the back porch of the Pavillion. When everyone was there, we all started walking down the steps. As we walked around the lake we were surrounded by nature. My favorite thing. I went into an easy conversation with Izzy and the only reason it was easy because it was fake. I wasn't being the real me and no one knew that but me. She started to drone on about how I should be more confident and how I needed to show Alex that I was better off without him. I just gave up listening to her because I didn't care. The walk ended faster than I wanted it to, but I was happy we were back at camp. I realized it had been an hour and a half and now it was time to go to the Seminar.

Life right now has been pretty easy. I had amazing friends, and my mind was already making story plots. I looked up and everyone was getting up and dispersing so I assumed we were going to our committees. Right before I left, I felt an arm pull me back. I met eyes with Jory.

"I probably should have told you this earlier, but Alex said that if you wanted him to reconsider his answer to the banquet you would have to ask him in person." she whispered. I smiled and watched as she walked away from me. When I got to my committee room, I grabbed a camera and smiled at Seanzie. He gave me a nod and I was out of the room camera in hand ready to find Alex and ask him in person.

As I walked to the Pavillion my hands started getting sweaty and shaking. I got to the door and opened it hesitantly then slipped in. I took my shoes off and found Alex walking so he could put his shoes on. He had a chocolate bar in one hand and a pop in the other. I almost chickened out when he looked at me and kept walking. After what felt like forever, I took a deep breath and let the words spill out of my mouth.

"Alex will you please go to the banquet with me" after a few seconds he looked up at me shocked that I had actually asked him again.

"Why do you want to go with me," He asked. I never really thought about it. I wasn't physically attracted to him, but there was something that made me smile whenever I thought about him. Something that made me feel safe when he was with me, and something that couldn't stop me from liking him even when I wanted to.

"I don't know. I just do." It was the truth. I didn't know why. I just did. "Please"

I felt like I was begging but I couldn't let this chance get away from me. I needed to be different than what I was at home. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I just stayed the same.

"I'll think about it" and with that, he was gone. I still had a chance. Committee time ended quicker than I would have liked but it was now lunchtime and who didn't like food. I went to Bunz to ask a question, but she found me first.

"Your secret friend wants you to go in the front of the line, but your color group is on lunch so either way, you're in the front." I smiled thinking who could be my secret friend.

"Could you also get Quinn to have a cinnamon bun hug from his secret friend" I asked

"Of course," she said with a smile. She and I have come really close since she gave me my warm fuzzies. I walked to the front of the line with the rest of purple and we said grace. When it was all done, we grabbed our food, and I met my friends at our table. We ate and the regular kids had to run around the table and even some people had to sing. After lunch, we headed to the Sem to have another session. We all sat down and Seanzie went to the front. He started to talk about self-confidence, and I smiled. I finally got some when I asked Alex in person. I was on my way there. Step by step. After 45 minutes he was done, and we did an energizer. Then we all plopped down and Lady Zoe and Micky got up to the front. They directed us into two groups and made a circle with chairs. We all got handed a canvas and a colored pen. I picked a green one because I love green. We then wrote our names on it. After everyone was ready,

we were told to write a word that reminded us of the person. Then we started handing them to the person on our right. It felt like it was 5 minutes but as soon as we got ours back it was an hour and a half.

After we got an hour more to work on what we were going to say at the amphitheater. I had everything written out already so I just started to daydream and write things that I would love to happen in a story. The hour went by fairly quickly. Then we had 10 minutes to get ready for Lula night. I had nothing so I just put on more makeup and my friend gave me a flower to put in my hair. When my friends were ready we walked to the back of the Pavillion. We say grace and everyone gets their food. I was one of the first people to get their food and snagged a long table for all of my friends. I started eating and didn't notice when everyone else sat down. When they were all seated we got into an easy conversation but then in the corner of my eye I saw something unexpected. Alex was sitting at the end of my table laughing with us. He was here. I couldn't help but smile. I actually had a chance. We were allowed to put our elbows on the table because we couldn't run around the Pavillion and it drove Jory insane. She loved calling people and this time she was powerless.

When supper was done, we all went back to the Seminar. I was still a little shocked that Alex sat with us. I hopped my chances of him saying yes was getting bigger and bigger. We all moved to the Seminar. There, we sang the theme song and wrote down in the green book.

My Personal Daily Reflection - Day Four

Sunday, July 8th

Three things I learned today:

Bella likes Alex

You need self-esteem in your life

I have a nice smile

Notes about progress towards my goals: Nothing

How I feel about the group: They are fine

Something I learned about myself today: I'm insecure

I've been thinking a lot about: Alex

A skill I learned/practiced today: I can do things, I just have the courage

Overall, today was: Okay but not perfect

"If you dream and you allow yourself to dream you can do anything!"

*Clara Hughes, Olympic Medalist (Summer & Winter)

Then we all went to the sweet Charlotte bell and went into a circle. L-smack went to the middle of the circle and made Quinn come to the middle of it. I smiled knowing that he would be getting his huge, big Cinnabon hug. We all linked hands and ran around him. Then we all squeezed and then it was over. We sang the tap song, and the flag gets lowered to the ground. Now was the time to go to the amphitheater. I could feel my heart speeding up as the thought of saying things, hearing things come out of my mouth that weren't true. How could I believe that someone like Izzy was my friend? She was just a leech that only left when she was sure all of the blood was sucked out. But I wasn't about to let her ruin my only chance of happiness after Hayden broke my heart. I needed Alex.

We all sat on the logs and the councilors gave us the instructions of what had to be done. Then it was time to start. One by one group stood up and said their piece. After a good chunk of people went, I looked at my group and said we had to go soon. I didn't want to be the last one, but I definitely didn't want to be the first. When we were all ready and agreed to go, we stood up and went.

When we were all done, I smiled as Bunz gave me a huge smile. She was proud and I had made her proud of me. For the rest of it, I zoned out. I was so nervous about what Alex was going to say. As I thought about it more and more, I wasn't sure I wanted an answer. It was a 50\50 chance that I got what I wanted. But then again did I want this or did I just want to cover my feelings for Hayden.

When we all got back to our cabins and the councilors gave us our goodnight hugs it was time to go to bed. They then left and like usual we never listened. The flashlights went on and girls crawled into other girl's beds. I went to Jory's because I was bored, and I really didn't want to go to bed right yet. Also, I was confused about my feelings about Alex. We started a conversation easily.

"Did Izzy tell you who she likes now?" I spoke

"No. Who is it" Said, Jory

"Alex. Out of all the boys it had to be Alex," I said

"I honestly can't believe her. I thought she was your friend." Jory said

"Honestly so did I," I said

We kept the conversation going about other little things that didn't really matter. She could always see when I wanted one conversation to end. We talked for hours and didn't realize when Mac and Cheese opened the door. Everyone was silent and I fell asleep in Jory's bed because I didn't want to get caught not being in my own bed.