Alone

*In my mind there is an on-going movie strip playing . *

*It plays over and over and over.*

*My body aches, my tears build up,*

*My stress and anger rises.*

*The thought of him will not go away.*

*Those millions of pieces are filled with crazy memories.

Memories of which I will miss.*

*My heart has been broken,*

*but it has never been shattered.*

*I don't know what to do,*

*I don't know how to piece it back together. *

*Do i move on ?*

*Will there ever be another chance?*

*I'm lost and confused.*

*I don't know where to start.*

* *

"Mama, I'm sorry,please don't go, don't leave me,I.. I will go ,I will go and tell them that I lied, it was all a lie ,mama please,I will be all alone"Allison begged as she dragged the bags in her mother's hands

"Oh really, it's too late now,what did you think would happen, you would send your father to prison and I will seat by and laugh ,then we would go to the movies????" Her mother spoke sarcastically with hatred in her voice

She looked at Allison with digust in her eyes"I begged you,I told you,I would speak to him,but what did you do,what?????"she shouted as she pushed Allison away from her

The pitiful girl flew backwards and hit her head on the wall and slipped to the ground

Her mother looked at her without remorse in her eyes and turned to walk out of the open door.

Allison watched with red puffy eyes as the figure walked off in the distance and her eyes began to close.

She called out one last time "MAMA" and finally fell unconscious .

After a long time,her eyes finally flickered,as she opened her eyes,a shadow appeared in her sight and tapped her gently

"Alisson,.. Alisson, ALISSON!!!" The lady driving the car screamed as she turned back to glance at Allison sitting in the back seat.

Allison opened her beautiful emerald eyes slowly as she removed the eyepiece from her ears.

"Could you please stop shouting?"She finally spoke up

Dressed in a blue hoodie with her brown hair coming out of both sides,she looked at the woman who was driving

With a sigh the woman spoke up again "Allison, please just try ,can you?.

"This is your ninth school in six months,I don't know how much of this I can take anymore,I got you into this school through a friend"

"I never did anything to anyone "Allison said in a low voice as she looked at her laps

A cardboard box sat open on Allison's lap, a note her mother had given her 5 years ago on her 13th birthday lay tucked away inside amongst other things.

She picked up the letter and read it again

Dear Allison,

Happy birthday to my darling daughter on her 13th birthday as she finally becomes a teenager

Though I can't be here with you today,I made sure to get you a present before I left .

You start junior high in a few weeks . The least I could do is get you a few supplies and a little something to make sure you always look like the little angel you are . It helps that the hair clip matches your eyes.

Light blue

I'll be back soon darling.

Kisses, my little angel

Love,mama

Allison ran her thumb over the words,her mum's writing,5 years later and she still keeps the letters hoping her mama would come back.

She had kept whatever happened that night a secret to protect her mother and her marriage.

Her mother wasn't exceptionally beautiful or smart but she was hardworking and in love, a devoted christian she was.

She loved God and she loved her husband and child.

Allison used to believe in God until that day. She kept asking questions but got no answers.

If God really existed why did he watch her suffer and do nothing?

Why did he watch her get hurt yet didn't stop it?

Why did he watch everyone around her leave and do nothing?

Or maybe she was the problem,she was the problem in all their lives even God couldn't be bothered to care anymore.

She had heard both her uncles speak with her aunt over the kitchen counter a week before .

"I won't let her stay with me anymore,she too much of a bad influence on my kids "her oldest uncle had said.He sounded like he wanted to help but his hands were tied but Allison knew better .

His wife had argued with him over Allison staying with them a few weeks earlier using the completely different words.

She had called her possessed,

Her younger uncle said she couldn't stay with him since he travelled a lot and he couldn't leave her alone in his home, so staying with him was out of the options

Her aunt had just gotten married and staying with her was completely out of the option she had said

Darlin was the best option,a college all the way at the other side of the country

She held the hair clip tighter until it began to pierce her flesh and blood ran down her palm yet she showed no signs of the pain

She lifted her hand up and as she watched her palm bleed ,she spoke

"I won't be a problem anymore,I promise aunty"

"I think I'm okay with that for now,thank you darling " A smile spread across her face finally "You know we love you"