Session 1

My use of the internet may be short compared to others of my generation, but in the short span of time, I've used it I've been exposed to a lot

The internet can be used as a tool to collect information but the extensive use of it since the age of around 6 creates a perception of reality the

caused and still to this day causes me bouts of depression, anxiety, extreme nihilism.

I know that the internet has shaped me as a person along with my personal experiences making me have a level of knowledge I feel no person should ever

have to bear, I see others living ignorantly to all of the sins and atrocities happening every day.

The human race is a blemish on the earth a stain that I am sadly apart of.

Sometimes I wish for freedom from this painful existence then realize that freedom is only an ideal no matter what you seek freedom in whether it be death or

release of financial burdens you will always be plagued by a yearning for more.

In that sense freedom is just an ideal made by the human race to name an ideal that is truly impossible.

The human race is shackled by the never-ending cycle of life and death.

There are few that we as humans can actually control including ourselves, we are controlled by how to live, what to live like, what we can and can't do,

who we listen to, and even basic human limitations the plague us every day.

Certainly, that would mean everything is meaningless and that everything is out of our control, which isn't completely wrong but who cares if everything is meaningless or you have

to follow a set of rules laid down by other people or the universe itself because at the end of the day it's all the same we live, we die.

So what about that part though because what matters isn't the rules that we must follow what matters is what we do with the time and space we are provided.

Everything may be meaningless but what you do with this meaninglessness is all yours to think of, you must make something out of nothing and with that something enjoy

ever second every waking moment of what you do because you have no idea what will happen next but what you can be sure of is if your happy of

course there will be good days there will be bad days but at the end of the day it's up to you to control how you let everything affect you.

Will you choose to wallow in sadness and hopelessness when you can choose to be happy.

I watched my mother get stabbed and killed in front of me at the age of 11, As I grew I desensitized myself to not feel emotional pain and

instead used humor and video games as a coping mechanism.

The internet did not help all of the bad things I could see in a short span of time fueled my self-destructive nature and at the time acted like

an abyss, that no matter what I couldn't stop myself from staring right back into.

The feelings of hopelessness and depression had overtaken me and what was left was darkness a feeling of calm nothing.

The problem with me was being raised by a single mother and then having days when I was with my dad and stepmother was a very weird predicament for

me because all other their negativity and the internet together helped to build me into a perceptive child I would say all of this lead to me being depressed at

an early age even threatening to kill my self in second grade.

Knowledge didn't lead younger me too happiness just despair now knowledge is my sanctuary at the age of 15.

Throughout middle school I had existential crisis' wondering the meaning of living and looking for a reason to live when eventually I stopped caring and nothing mattered but not

in the good way everything had lost meaning the only thing I enjoyed was playing games with my friends and reading.

When my mom died I went from a too notch student to someone with little aim and ambition to this day that still affects me with a perpetual feeling of aimlessness.

One thing that has always been constant for me is music because of matter where you were who you're with or what you're doing music cant betray or leave you.

Music is a window someone opens to release a piece of your soul for you to heal and for others to enjoy and attempt to understand.

I used to write lyrics as a form of expression, I free-styled to sharpen my rhyming skills, I even recorded a song once off my crappy laptop and Xbox.

This is the end of my session you've been allowed into my psyche respect my thoughts and feels enjoy.