Pez dispenser

You know they say the chances of a giant psychotic biologically enhanced cannibal Demi god climbing through your window of a night time to kill and eat you and your family are astronomically small, but i am living proof that it's never 0, as the lord of this little island is about to find out..

I made my way from my new ships to the shore quickly and quietly avoiding anyone who was out and about on the coast.

It was easy enough sticking to the scarce scrub and shadows that littered the island

The night was set in pretty well, I would say it's closer to 11 than 10 o clock if I had to give a number, I don't have exact time, but it's not important because most people are in bed when the sun goes down..

There was a pub that was open and seemed pretty lively but that won't be important until after I finish off the lord and his band of merry men..

I slip around undetected still to where I was finally met with a stone wall about 20 feet high with a few guards overlooking the village, not that they were doing a great job, they were just drinking and laughing about whatever iron born laugh about, killing baby's or whatever they do for sport probably, I didn't care enough to listen..

I waited a little over an hour watching the guard rotations to see if anything could fuck this little operation up….but it was fine, looks like the guards weren't shifting any time soon…I waited a little more for them to finally move on before slowly scaling the wall….there wasn't really any foot holds to get a grip on so I had to dig my fingers into the stone to create my own..

Honestly I could have probably just jumped, but with my track record of jumping around the iron born I was to paranoid to risk it, and I made it up with little to no sound…

The moon was covered by clouds tonight so it was especially dark which wasn't a problem for me, but for the guards who were relying on torch light to see….well that was going to be a problem..

I skulked up to the first set of guards in the darkness listening to them talking about how well they made off on their last raid, and I was going to try the anime neck chop to knock 'em out for a bit of a laugh, what's the point of all this if you can't have a little fun right?….but turns out the human body doesn't work that way…

*CRUNCHH*

I went for the double neck chop, and their head just folded backwards and what I assume was their spines nearly pushed their way out the their Adam's apple….both looking like humanoid Pez dispensers….

Ooooo thats fucking morbid…..well at least it's a bloodless and quick death I suppose….kinda ruins my plans a little though but ....maybe…..

Just a little bit of an adjustment….here….and….a bit of a skewer up there and …..voilà!

Ok that'll work….hopefully…..from a distance they just look to be leaning on the battlements…maybe they drunk to much?….but up close?…looks like someone has broken their necks and shoved spears up their assholes to keep 'em standing like some sort of grim tripod….

Ok not a great start…..

I've never been a planner, more of a drop pod into heavy combat zones kinda guy….man I miss my bolter….not because anything on planetos is hard to deal with….but it was kind of my safety blanket for over 5 centuries….kinda like kids had a teddy bear to scare off monsters that were just manifestations of their fears…. And except my fears were very real and my "teddy" did more than just scare them off…

But enough reminiscing about the good ol days, I got pirates to kill….

I take just a little chunk of brain as I dug my fingers into his eye sockets to get some info, and a mouthful later I was privy to guard rotations and men stationed in the castle..

Easy enough….10 on the wall, 10 in the castle, lord ankorsmont with his wife and 3 kids and just a gaggle of servants

I move along the walls and snap the necks of everyone on the wall without being seen before impaling them on their spears to keep them upright as I finally finish off the outer defensive stationed men….

I don't waste much time in jumping down into the courtyard making sure to be especially quiet on my landing before walking over to the gates and slightly and oh so slowly bending the metal brace holding the big wooden gates closed so it can't be opened….don't need any strays getting away if I fuck this up somehow….

I slowly make my way through the servants "houses" which are pretty much huts in the training yard and without a whisper, sneak through the windows to break the necks of everyone living outside the "main castle"

These people were probably just thralls and salt wives, but the fact that they served the lord made me unable give them an out…they weren't just small folk, they were lord servants…..they would know to much to bring with me…

There were children as well…

I lived in the 40k verse for a good stretch of time and dealt with an odd rebellion here and there so I was used to having to do dirty work like this, but it didn't mean I had to like it…

But I killed their parents, it wasn't worth keeping them around to plot and fuck things up for me later in revenge because I felt bad for them…..so I took care of that before it could become a problem later on….

But with that out of the way, everyone outside of the main castle was dead, I made 3 rounds to make sure I didn't miss anything….I didn't ….there were a few barking dogs I had to silence in between routes though…

And finally standing before the poorly lit and frankly poorly constructed main castle I was ready to finish up the first half of my expedition….the second being the town itself..

I slowly lurched my way up the stone exterior to the third story which I knew was the lords room thanks to an unwanted meal I force fed myself….I mean I'm used to cannibalism by now, but I REALLY wish I didn't have to eat people for info….but such is life I guess…

I hear moaning and slapping sounds coming from the window above, clearly the lord is entertaining company..

I make it up and peek through the shoddily built wooden shutters they take as windows to see a small ugly man on top of a decent looking redhead who I'm sure isn't his wife, flopping about like a fish out of water…

Thankfully they weren't looking toward the window, but they could change any second…so I reach up and try to open the wooden cover slowly but it's locked from the inside….well guess I'll just have to rip it off and bum rush em..

So I dig my fingers into the wood a little, grip my toes into the stone before ripping off the cover and squeezing into the window and rushing the lord and his mistress as fast as I could….and being who I was, that was pretty fucking fast….before they could turn around to see the horror that just burst through 3rd story window in the middle of the night, a large hand was already gripped around each of their throats, and with a quick squeeze and a snap it was done…

Before anything else I ran toward the only entrance of the room and waited….just incase some guard heard that and decided he wanted to check on his lords well being

Nothing of the sort happened…..

So I didn't bother checking out the room before walking over to the lord, pushing my thumbs into the top of his skull to pop it open and grab probably the last bit of info I'll need while I'm here…

Ok let's see here….gold and anything valuable his guys looted are in the basement "vault"….raiding ships will be gone for a month or so more…..his family are 3 rooms away….his trusted guards are probably drinking on the next floor down ….the room next door has a few servants ready to answer his call…hmmm….that really all I need to know…

So without much fuss I take off to the servants room and finish em and the family off a quickly and painlessly as was possibly….they were all asleep so it worked out pretty well…

I descended the castle massacring the guards as I went until everyone in this little island castle was nothing but a memory….

I made my way down to the basement "vault" which was just a stone room with a wooden gate/door…..it's basically just a room…. I guess he called it a vault to feel important?

I let myself in with the key I managed to pilfer off his clothes he left on the floor, I opened the door to find it was a decent haul….I mean I "knew" what he had in here already but knowing and see was different….

Plenty of chests of gold, materials looted from merchants travelling between westeros and essos and wines ready for the taking….. the lord always took the lions share of raided loot if it was his ships carrying the raiders

Thankfully I had the forethought to empty my inventory before I came for this little escapade so there's plenty of room to stock it all…

I spent maybe 40 minutes looting the treasury before making my way back out and looting everything this castle had to offer….basically everything that isn't nailed down….Carpets, desks, paper and ink, clothes…whatever I could get my grubby mitts on

The armoury was…meh….leather armour and iron axes mostly, couples swords but nothing to write home about…. Some sigils on certain things I'll have to remove sooner rather than later

After a speed run of gutting out the castle I make my way out of the place and start heading toward the town, ready to unleash some stealthy preemptive self defence upon the resting sea pirates…

And still being completely dark I set about start my grim work as I go from house to house, shushing any screams of "thralls" and "salt wives" while I permanently silence their "masters" and explaining why I'm here and if they were willing to join me…

The ones that didn't look too confident in joining met the same fate as their captors….

The tavern had settled down quite a bit, so making my way in from the back and clearing the place was easy enough….the 5 men still drinking went down to a couple quick axe chops as they didn't even check to see who was coming from the back rooms….

By morning, I'd successfully assassinated more than 700 people without a single alarm being sounded…. with about 300 more willing and eager to join my growing population out of pure gratitude for having freed them from servitude…I didn't take much stock to learns names or anything of that nature as it could come later….

As the sun rose and what I'd done was starting to come into the light the ex "not slaves" saw just what I'd accomplished in the span of a single night as it was their jobs to gather bodies for burning and collect up anything valuable left in the town..

Not half an hour later the ships carrying my crew docked into the bay with a lot of them splitting off to see the ships anchored in the bay, getting ready to sail as soon as possible…

The ex slaves were in awe of the fact one man had basically killed an entire island of people in one night with not a sound and made it look easy, there was no murmurs of possible mutiny or whispers of possible betrayals, ….only men, women and children gathering livestock, food and valuables while others gather bodies and fuel to light this whole island on fire..

We all worked like a well oiled machine, about 4 hours before the castle was looted of food, all bodies were in burning buildings and the last of the new residents of Newtown were boarded on the last boat heading toward their new home…

It was a single night of bloodshed that would haunt the iron islands for years to come…