25 Penny

As I lay on my side in a fetal position staring into the dark and musty wall of the ships "captains quarters" doing my absolute best not to think about how much I want this ship to be on fire for keeping me upon its weathered hull of assholery whilst in a very bad mood

We were maybe 5 hours off making it back to "Newtown" and getting off this floating shithole….weeks upon endless weeks on this hellscape they call a ship…and only 5 more hours and I'm done..

I've been tempted multiple times to just swim back to land and leg it all the way back to my land instead of being on this fucking ship that has made it abundantly clear how much I hate sea travel

It's not the waves or the storms or the fact I'm stuck on a small piece of wood floating ever so slowly toward "home" with a bunch of mouth breathers that stink up the whole ship with their very presence asking "m'lord" this and "m'lord" that trying to sway favour with the big cheese in their new lives that are about to start

Not to mention we are all packed into these boats like sardines…..but that it's that bad I suppose as I've been to hive worlds and those places are pretty fucked in comparison….but I never had to stay longer than necessary…..and these people are breathing my air constantly and it's not sitting well with me…..I may be projecting a little bit here

No….none of that is the reason I'm so miserable on this ship right now, though it definitely doesn't help my mood…

No…..what's gotten me so down and in the dumps is….penny….

Penny is a chicken I befriended about a week into my journey home. A chicken who has bamboozled the people looking after the livestock on board more than once much to my amusement…

I named her penny after my favourite chicken place as a kid, henny penny

She keeps escaping her "cage" constantly and somehow ends up in my room much to the chagrin and fear of the man who was watching the chickens on the ship…but no matter what the simpleton did she just kept getting out.

And at one point it became funny to watch the man have a mini mental breakdown trying to outwit this chick only to constantly fail…and with his failure came the company of penny….

A few days ago I saw him kick penny before putting her back into her pen….and penny being my companion and all I was about 2 seconds away from ripping the man in half but I cooled myself down telling myself I needed the guy for back home…..

Not even an hour later penny was out and about again, but this time she was walking along the the railings of the deck almost tauntingly strutting around to get attention.

The man "watching" the chickens seeing this lost his shit and ran to intercept my feathery friend only to find himself outwitted and thrown into the watery abyss below with penny looking as smug as a chicken possibly could….and it was at that moment penny went from a temporary sea bound companion to a real friend…

She now slept in my "quarters" with her own little nest, she was clean and pretty quiet for a chicken, she kept close to me at all times….

I even started talking to penny about who I was and how I ended up here on planetos…she was the therapist I didn't know I needed…

I haven't put much thought into my experiences in the 40k verse and how much the whole thing actually effected me even with that "ROB" apparently washing away the trauma and brainwashing….

It feels more like my mind and soul were torn to shreds in the 40k verse and when I died in that ambush and was transported back….he ran whatever made "me" myself through a washing machine and patched the holes back up again…

I'm still me from before the 40k verse, but I'm more me and also less me….I don't know….it's hard to explain I guess….but penny "talked" me through it and it was pretty enlightening….well "talked" is strong word….she clucked me through it, and being the professional she was she also threw in the odd soul piercing clueless chicken stares as well

I wouldn't call myself crazy per se, but more like unhinged? Uninhibited maybe?, let's just say I don't think all my marbles made it through the rinse cycle…..like all those little thoughts I had in my old life of "imagine if I" came back to the surface and instead of mentally listing reasons I can't, I find nothing holding me back anymore

No fear of social alienation or self doubt holding the reins anymore….no one really powerful enough to truely kill me existing in this world….maybe if I really fucked up someone could hurt me with magic or something but I'm pretty safe I reckon…

It was at that moment I decided that I would name penny my adviser and second in command….Will would hate being second to a chicken….and that's hilarious to me….

So with a big announcement I named penny my second in command much to the confusion and shock of everyone on board….whispers of how I'm crazy floated around but I just didn't care….penny was my right hand….

And back to the original issue of why I'm laying in the dark in absolute devastation is because...penny beat me at tick tack toe…ME!!, a fucking big brain space marine just lost in a simple game of tick tack toe to a goddamn chicken….that chicken was my second in command which really shows my skills at appraising talent but nonetheless I lost to a chicken at a simple strategy game…AGAIN!!

It should be so simple…but she keeps psyching me out with her cunning stupidity and clutching wins

And penny was just being a real smug bitch about it strutting around like a peacock pretending to look stupid to taunt me, and you know what?….it was working

"FUCK YOU PENNY, YOU CHEATED!!"

"Baaawwwk baaawwwk bawk"

"YOU KNOW I DONT HAVE PROOF!"

"Bawk"

"INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY ISNT A THING HERE PENNY!! IM THE LORD SO IF I SAID YOU CHEATED THAN YOU CHEATED!"

"Bawwwwwk"

"Wow…..low blow penny, I told you that in confidence and you just through back in my face"

*BANG*

The door to my quarters suddenly bursts open and 5 men holding various weapon stumble in with vigilance on their faces ready to fight…

"MY LORD ARE YOU OK!?"

"Yeah guys it's fine….I was just having an argument with penny, nothing to worry about….I'm sorry you had to hear that….but….PENNY GET THAT GODDAMN SMUG LOOK OFF YOUR FACE BEFORE I DO SOMETHING WE WILL BOTH REGRET!"

Penny was still strutting around pretending she has no idea what I'm talking about making me look like I'm the bad guy here….

Mannnn…..maybe I am crazy?

No….it's penny…..she did this…..I'll have to figure out a way to humiliate her in front of the other chickens at a later date

"M'lord? That chick-"

I glare at him

"....lord penny…..clearly doesn't have any idea of what's going on m'lord?…..maybe you should step outside for some fresh air….we're only a few hours off shore….maybe a break from....lord penny...would do your mind some good"

I look to penny who's clucking and scratching the ground like nothing happened, completely oblivious to my breakdown at being mentally bested by a gallus gallus demesticus….

" *siiiigggghhhh* maybe you're right….being stuck on this floating coffin has made me a little stir crazy I guess…..maybe a bit of fresh air and sunshine will get me out of my funk….come penny let us avail ourselves"

Penny turns to me and flaps her little flightless wings with a jump and launches her self onto my shoulder to take her perch as we make our way outside the doors that were honestly to small for me….it's probably one of the reasons I felt so suffocated on these ships….everything is so small…

We make it outside to fresh air and sunshine and men and women moving about with purpose as I make my way to the bow of the ship and see familiar landmass on the horizon almost eager to greet us home..

The fresh air fills all 3 of my lungs as the sunshine beats down on my face with a nice relaxing warmth..

I turn to look at penny on my shoulder and think about how insane people are going to think I am and how I can use that to my advantage..

Penny is going to be one of my greatest weapons when it comes to meeting other lords around westeros and possibly beyond….what self respecting lord would humour me and call her lord penny and possibly insult me and her lordship as well…

And I can fix em good and pretty much rob them openly once they do with 3 magic little words….

Trial by combat….

You want to insult me for having a chicken as my 2nd in command? Well now my feelings are hurt…..TRIAL BY COMBAT!!!….

Oh? You think penny is just some sort of clever political scheme and you're insulted that a mere chicken has more political power in her left wing feather ends than your entire house, so you attempt to assassinate her character by making jokes about her honour?...TRIAL BY COMBAT!!…

You are roast chicken last night for dinner? TRIAL BY COMBAT MOTHER FUCKER!!! LET THE 7 DECIDE WHO'S RIGHT!! AND HOW MUCH OF YOUR STUFF I CAN HAVE LEGALLY.

As I'm in my own little world, quietly cackling and scheming on how to make the most out of my newest ally and possible best friend penny the hours roll by and we finally make it back into spitting distance of the shore...I really gotta get some proper docks built….after the sewer system I suppose….

All of the crew is lined up watching the shore approach and pretty much the whole town welcoming us home….I see Will standing out front trying to smother a big gin, probably due to my safe return….or possibly the fleet of ships I bring back with me....oh looks like Thor and Loki have grown a little in my absence…..I'll be honest, I kinda forgot they existed…

Will looks a little TO happy…..I'll have to nock him down a peg, so with a big smile on my face I wave and shout

"HEYYY WILLLLL!?"

He smiles at my acknowledgment and waves back

"YES M'LORD!?"

"YOU'VE BEEN DEMOTED TO MY 3RD IN COMMAND!!"

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