62 Chapter 62: Warmth and Car Seat
''Hello John!''
...How, why, what, when?
When the hell did Quelaan get to the shrine? How the hell did Quelaan get to the shrine? Why the hell did Quelaan get to the shrine? What the hell did Quelaan get to the shrine?
I was gone for at most 10 hours, maybe more with funky Lordran time madjick.
"Uh, yeah hi Quelaan. Question though, what?"
" ? "
She tilted her head and looked quite confused by my statement. I swear I could see the comical question mark above her head.
''I mean, why, how, and when did you get to the shrine?"
At my words, I could see the neurons in her head flaring as the question mark turned into a lightbulb.
I swear I'm going fucking Insane
[Mental Corruption lv.2]
"Oh! After discussing it with my sisters I decided to come here! To be with you! I simply walked here, following the traces of your soul. And I came about an hour ago.''
I- whuh?
What? Why? Why did she just... leave her sisters to... adventure with me!? I- I don't what? Why does she look so proud and smug!?!? Is she...?
No fucking way.
What-
Before I could even begin to unravel the complex ball of yarn that was my mind I felt some warm arms embrace me and lift me up like a plushie. I felt my whole body being smooshed into absolute blissful warmness that I could recognize from anywhere.
''Welcome back John.''
''I uh yeah."
Right, romance. Feelings. I think affection. What. Wat do I do? What do they want from me? We kissed, now what? Fuck it, I will just let Priscilla do what she wants, I just don't have a single clue about how to act about this situation.
As I was getting hugged like a teddy I saw Quelaan look at me with a pout.
!?
... Committing mass genocide is way easier than feelings.
How is interacting with people harder than slaying demigods and actual gods?
It's not like I dislike interacting with others. On the contrary I quite like it, it helps me keep away from the endless empty gaping hole in my soul.
While I was dealing with another one of my many existential crises's Priscilla finally let her hold on my go and I unceremoniously dropped to the ground. And as soon as I was free Quelaan came upto me like a puppy.
''John, John! Could you pat my head please!''
Whuh
I don't really have the slightest clue WHY she is so starved for interaction with me but I obliged nonetheless. At least she seemed to enjoy the head pats very much. But now Priscilla gave me a ...weird gaze!?
Just what the fuck is actually happening?
Honestly not much seemed to have changed after her confession, just that she is way more open with affection for now. Quelaan I had no fucking idea. I mean I have an idea but it is a stupid one.
Whelp, guess it's time to whip out one of the only miscellaneous things that doesn't directly correlate to murder that I'm good at. Cooking.
''Hey girls, how about we eat first? I am starving. Plus I have a new meal I want to try out.''
The moment the word food came out of my mouth it seemed like Priscilla's eyes doubled in size.
''YES! I-I mean yes, I would quite like that.''
" '▵' "
Priscilla quickly turned a shade of crimson I didn't even know existed and looked away while trying to whistle as Quelaan looked at her with a confused expression.
''How about you Quelaan?''
"Umm, sure. I would like to taste your cooking John!"
"Gotcha. You won't be disappointed."
After all, you won't find many people in this world with the exaggerated swagger of an Intermediate lv. 5 cooking skill.
I whipped out some Taurus meat before pummeling that stiff piece of meat into several tender steaks Then with a chunk of butter and some veggies I threw that bad boy on the pan while I controlled the heat to an optimal temperature.
I basted it with butter at the right times as I added spices and stuff until 10 extra large Taurus steaks were done. 3 for us and 7 for the rest of the camp who had gathered together to watch the infamous monster of lordran cook the absolute shit out of some steak.
After plating them I gave them to everyone. Safe to say everyone was beyond satisfied with the steaks. Juicy and tender to the point where it melts in your mouth with the perfect amount of spice.
"Honestly, it's rather baffling how you can cook this well while being such a... sca- ''Intımidating" person."
"For your sake, I'm taking that as a compliment Patches."
"Thank you M'lord."
Patches had taken to calling me Lord now. Mostly because of flattery, the man might have the biggest hate boner I have seen for a group of people but he is really good at sucking up to people. And while we talked like that the others just watched the scene in humor.
I like this.
I could even taste my food a little.
...
I now stood inside the Duke's Archives as I took a breath of fresh air. The smell of the freshly spilt blood from the hog I pulverized was still in the air.
'Back in my element baby.'
Although I enjoyed hanging out with my friends and love interests very much, being able to bust into some place and commit indiscriminate mass murder just helped me calm my nerves.
Plus it was considerably easier fighting for my life than trying to navigate relationships.
I thought as I dodged a slash from a crystal soldier and popped his head like a balloon with one hand. I limited myself to only my physical body for this place. But I seriously enjoyed tossing crystal soldiers like they were made of paper mache.
As I have said before, there is no opponent left in lordran that can properly challenge me other than Nito and maybe Seath.
But man if there is something Seath beats the rest of lordran at that is hygiene. I mean, look at this place! It is relatively clean and not incredibly disturbing. Other than the giant crystals.
But to be honest, the criteria for which I'm judging this place is literally just: Would this place instantly kill the modern person if they stepped in it because of diseases?
Yes? Unclean.
No? Clean.
On the note of cleanliness, I started wearing more... normal clothes now. I have stopped wearing my armor everywhere on the request of Priscilla. Since the armor limited my ability to floof her tail.
Jokes on her though I wear it literally everywhere else that I'm not with her. After all, that armor makes me feel safe and...
It is fucking ridiculous what this armor became after suffering nearly as much abuse as I did.
< Noir >
A set of armor broken and repaired countless times and bathed in the blood of thousands. Made to perfectly fit the **** ** ********. Like its user it is ever-changing and everlasting even after being broken hundreds of times.
Options:
{Flexible}: This armor is unusually flexible compared to its material.
{Undying} This armor is nearly impossible to destroy completely.
{Intermediate Fire Resistance}
{Basic Elemental Resistance}
{Basic Stamina Enhancement}
{Basic Vitality Enchancement}
{Basic Stamina Recovery Enhancement}
{Basic... }
...
Yeah, I think some of the ring's powers I absorbed have slipped into my armor as well. resulting in this ungodly abomination of a juggernaut. And it STILL gets sliced into ribbons despite its power.
Remind ya of anyone?
Anyway, the books in the archives were... half and half. Some were genuinely interesting like the origin of sorceries and then some were about children's fairytales. I only took the ones of interest as my inventory was cluttered enough.
I also found the upgrade to my great heal which was bountiful sunlight alongside some embers. Unfortunately, I also found what was left of Reah here. Shame. Thankfully I didn't know her well enough so no "Armageddon Blade" here.
I'm still tearing that bastard to shreds though.
But it revealed some things to me about magic that I would have to test later. But now it was time to deal with that "Immortal" dragon. I wanna see if I could really kill him without breaking his precious crystal.
< You have received the quest {Challenge: Seath} >
----------------------------------------------------------
< Challenge: Seath >
Condition: Kill Seath without destroying his immortality crystal.
Reward: Moonlight Greatsword, Seath's Insight Into Magic.
----------------------------------------------------------
Nice, I still got it. Plus both of the rewards are things I'm curious about. Alright, I will do this fast.
*Boof!*
I kicked down the fog and entered the bike seat's crystal dungeon place. Immediately he started sprouting crystals from the ground while trying to hit me with his breath attack but thanks to his insanity he was incredibly easy to predict and maneuver around.
At first, I tried just attacking normally but even when I cut off limbs they turned to dust and regrew within a second. Then I got a devious Idea.
My pyromancies are far stronger than traditional ones thanks to armageddon blade. Then how about the poison ones? I was able to replicate them effectively. Which resulted in the entire room being covered in multiple fogs of poison as Seath writhed in agony.
It made sense, even I was getting irritated from the poison, toxic, acid, corrosive darkness, and everything else in the air. Normally I would pity my foe, even demons but I held less than zero sympathy for Car Seat.
I also set him aflame. I used every single damage over time I could think of. And after about 10 hours or so of me wailing on him with the dragonslayer spear, he finally reached his limit as he didn't regenerate anymore.
'Huh, I guess the crystal had a limit.'
Regardless I shook my head and pointed down while looking at Seath's pathetic desecrated corpse. As my last gesture of disrespect.
A pathetic end for a truly pathetic being.
[VICTORY ACHIEVED]
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