The Uneasy Past

The inhale and exhale of breath. A process every being repeated involuntarily had never felt that effortful before even when she was beaten and starved in this library. Philip had always sat on the seat Len was sitting on. 

He seemed to be busy with his tasks but she knew his eyes were always looking at her, enjoying her demise and getting pleasure from destroying her life.

Now Len sat there and looked at her coldly. She felt the feeling of loathing and hatred returning. Even when she knew this was not the man who deserved it.

Why not? A dark part of her mind spoke. He was the reason behind your demise. If only he had married you.. The letter had burnt her soul that night.

But she would never reveal it to him. She would never let him have the satisfaction of her hatred.

"I have told you to stay in your room." he spoke in an icy tone and then his eyes scanned her body. She was wearing a black dress than an old woman would have chosen for mourning. But then she had made a strange slit to it that showed part of her legs below her knees whenever she took a step and the amount of makeup that she had applied on her face looked like she was trying to be one with it.

It was hard for others to stop laughing. It must be their gentlemanly behavior but he was not sure how long it would continue. 

"You have to leave." he warned but she thinned her lips and did not move.

"I have already told you that I can not run the estate from a closed room. Now that we lack staff, I have to make sure that the manor does not stop working." he raised a brow at that.

His hands moving involuntarily on the files he and his men found in the search.

"Managing the manor you say?" she felt the change of his voice, the tone in it and her heart thudded viciously in her chest. "I have found an interesting fact while looking for the treason of your husband." he passed the file to her.

She did not move to hold it. But her treacherous eyes still lingered on the cover. It was the file Linda had made. She gulped as she had never thought she would ever find something related to her anymore.

The woman had disappeared in the middle of the night to never return again. She had heard rumors that it was her husband who had defiled her. And she had run away to save herself. 

A different version stated that she had stolen from the manor and ran in the middle of the night. But then, Philp never reported the woman. Even when she asked, he ignored the question. And she knew how much she had the right to press him. But that woman was kind. She had helped Elara when needed. Even if it was only limited to an hour when she let Elara leave the manor from the doghole. It had helped her survive for a year.

She missed that kind woman. Never had she felt that she would hold affection for a woman who looked at her disgustingly. 

"Who is this woman?" he asked, bringing her back to the present. She blinked and her face went blank again.

"I do not understand your question. Which woman are you talking about?" his eyes grew colder. The look of disgust in his eyes mirrored hers for a second.

"Ha! You must have grown into a completely different person in the time being." The jab hit her right at her chest where her heart was. She felt it bleeding, and ignored it.

"Everyone grows with time, my lord. I am surprised that you believed I would not." she took the seat despite the glare he showed to her. And scanned his table again.

If he had already found the letter she was supposed to look for, she would have nothing to bargain with. Who knew Philp had asked others to do the same task. What if his men kill him to get the parchment and she would be accused of it.

She shook her head. Her mind must be making wild thoughts after two days of not sleeping or meeting Philip in the dark woods.

"I have never thought about you. Why would I care if you have grown up or not." he spat with poison dripping in his voice. She laughed at that. Of course, why would he think about her when he had a new woman warming his bed every night.

He must have found better women, more skilled than hers. How was she supposed to seduce him then? With her tongue, she hoped.

"Oh, I am glad that you have good company, my lord. But I am not here to gain your attention. I am here to perform my duties." she repeated, hoping the opposite theory would work on him too.

Last time, she had invited him and he had locked her. She could not repeat the process. Yet, she strained her neck hoping that he would notice her bareback. There was a time when he was fascinated by that part of her body. He loved kissing her and biting her there.

Her dress had gone tighter with time, when she stretched, a part of her cleavage could be seen too. His eyes darkened at once. Here she was… trying to exhibit herself again to a room full of men. She had no shame left. The voice of her servants kept ringing in his ears.

She needed a new man each night. Each night, she slept in the strong arms of a man. It did not matter who he was. 

He had investigated her last night. She was in the stables. With the only servant who had not spoken ill about her. The thought burnt him anew and his rage rose.

"You meant you wanted to pretend to work when someone else would do the task in your stead, my lady?"