Past Daggers

"......." the words were never meant to be said out aloud. It shocked her more than it shocked him. She blinked and then looked away, afraid as if his eyes were going to burn her again and again.

"You overestimate your value in my life, madam. I neither love you or hate you." he whispered with an amused laughter that she felt embarrassed. Suddenly the touch of his skin felt too much to bear.

A man claimed that he did not have any interest in her yet he was holding her closely in his arms as he walked toward the horse. Was she wrong to assume things?

 Nails dug deeper in her palm behind his head, her skin crawling. Why had she said such a thing? Did she wish him to comfort her? When she knew he would not. Yet… a part of her heart. She wanted to burn that part! So, she did.

"I mean you do not need to carry me to show that you are concerned for a noble woman. There is no one to watch your show and I find myself disinterested in your childish games." his face went grim at once. But if the comment hurt him, he did not show it on his face.

"I would have held any injured woman in my keep." how many had he held? The question was like a parasite consuming her mind completely. 

She was really a fool! She should be worried about her survival. About her cold husband who was out there lurking and the death impending on her. Yet she was thinking about his past lovers and how gentle he was with them! To treat her as if he had treated any other woman.

She closed her eyes. Perhaps that was the truth of that kiss too. When he had kissed her in the past there was love. But now the kiss had no meaning to it. He was a man in need and she was an available woman. He had touched her the way he had touched any other woman.

But why did that thought hurt her so much? She did not need his love when she was married to someone else. Her husband would burn her and he would be disgraced because of her. She tried to think about other things as she closed her eyes. But she could only feel the strong muscles beneath her touch. She had never been so aware of a man's body. 

He had such a strong body. If only it had belonged to someone else. That she would not have been interested in it. Or she would not have cared if the man had kissed her in the grooves. With her husband, she had done all a woman was supposed to do. But she felt nothing. She laid there like a dead fish when he consumed every part of her.

She had realized the harsh truth that she would never feel anything toward any man except him. Him.. 

He made a disgusted sound when she did not reply for so long and then.. As if he had suddenly realized the reason for her words, he looked at her body as if it was an object he was observing for making a decision whether to buy it or abandon it. The thought brought another wave of shame drowning in her heart. But her body heated at his intense gaze.

"Well, you can not blame me for kissing you when you were so willing." he laughed coldly, mockingly. "If you control yourself next time, it won't happen. Would it?" it was the confirmation of her thoughts. But she didn't feel proud about it.

But it was like a dagger piercing her soul. How she wanted him to say that he still loved her. How she was different, special perhaps. No, he kissed her because she was a willing woman like any other woman in the Galatia kingdom.

He placed her on the sofa like a ragged doll she was and mounted in front of her. As if he did not want to see her anymore. Her presence wanted to avoid that he did not sit behind her like a gentleman would. 

As they rode out of the grove, he felt like he had been intoxicated for a long time. His head throbbing with pain while his vision and other senses were blurred. And his mind ragging at his own stupidity. How did he kiss her? Why did he whisper such words!

He had placed her behind him so that he did not need to look at her face. So hurt and pained. How he wanted to assure her that he would protect her when he was here for the completely opposite reason. No, he would ignore her from now on. He gritted his teeth. How easy to say then done. How could he ignore her when her shoulder nudged his spine with each stride. Her thigh pressed against his lower back, full and soft beneath her skirts.

How he had forgotten that touch for a long time. It was returning like a child's nightmare when he had been to the same place again. This woman… she had left him to die when she found a better man.

A violent feeling hit his chest, loathing for her to do so and for him to still care for her after so much had happened between them. He was nothing more than a dog she had abandoned after playing yet, he wanted to grovel under her feet to take him back. She had rejected him time and again. How many lessons would it take to educate him?

Her question was like a harsh reminder that he needed to control his feelings and punish her. That was the only reason he had come here.

"I will attend to someone else to follow you since I have other important tasks to handle here. But remember… my eyes are always on you Elara. One mistake and you would be in the prison again and this time it will not be your room."