1 1 We Couldn't Get a Pulse Back

Madison Sinclair sat in a rather uncomfortable seat in a place she never wanted to find herself – unless of course it was to give birth to Gerard Way's baby…or to find out she was pregnant with Patrick Stump's child – nope, not even those fluffy, nowhere thoughts could help dampen the mood in the waiting room of the Long Beach Community Hospital. Madison was fine. Her mother was fine. It was her father. Her mother had received a call while they were chilling at Madison's uncle's house, from another woman, telling her that Kaiden had grabbed his chest before falling over.

Her uncle had told her that it was probably just kidney stones, and she rolled her eyes, then why did her dad grab his chest? Madison knew he was probably just trying to make her feel better, but it had only succeeded to piss her off, why did her family see her as some dumb kid? She was fourteen for crying out loud! She knew the kidneys weren't in the damn chest. Her father, Kaiden, was fat – he probably had a heart attack – or maybe her father and the woman were dumber than they let on, and he had a stroke. The hospital wasn't Kaiser, so maybe, they could revive him.

But Madison was yanked from her thoughts by her mother placing her hand upon her fish net covered leg and suddenly, there was a heavy, loaded feeling in Maddi's stomach that told her that the theme park food she had consumed hours earlier would be coming up soon. "Maddi, your dad's going to be okay, right?" She swallowed hard, it always terrified her when an adult looked to her for comfort. They were supposed to comfort her; she was only seventeen! "You're right, if he died, a doctor would have come and taken us to a private room to break the bad news!"

Madison knew her mother was just nervous and anxious and scared, and she fed off that like a newborn baby suckling on their mama's tit. Maddi gave her mother a smile, but it was a pale smile, just a ghost of the real thing, barren of amusement. God, Maddi needed to plunge her body in a cold bath, the water would of course would be darkened with her own blood. Maddi pushed herself up and out of the chair and hurried to the bathroom – another sudden feeling of sick had washed over her…more like trampled over her like a steam roller.

The bathroom was a dim place that made a tight, breathless feeling of claustrophobia wash over her. She stared at herself in the mirror beneath the flickering light and she swallowed hard again. Madison hated vomiting, but she hadn't rushed to the bathroom to vomit, rather to pray.

Pray her dad would survive whatever had happened. Pray she would still have a family. On the drive over to the hospital, her mother was already chewing him out – why did a woman call her? Madison tried to reason with her, that maybe she was simply a passerby, a good Samaritan. She scowled at her reflection, Maddi's face had gone so utterly white that it looked transparent and God awful.

She came out after saying amen and wiggled her nose, the hospital reeked of death, and she watched as the automatic doors to the hospital open, outside seemed and looked so surreal, the colors too bright to be real, and in walked her uncle – not the one who tried to sell her grabbing the chest is a sign of kidney stones, but rather, Kaiden's brother, Matthew. Madison wanted to run to him and hug him, and neither of them were huggers, but neither of them ever foresaw this happening, especially in a hospital so sleazy, calling it a Kaiser would be insult to Kaisers everywhere.

Madison was pretty sure she'd be married to a scene king and have a baby on her hip before either parent dropped dead. "Has there been any word, Julie?" he asked breathlessly. Madison swayed a little, closed her eyes, then opened them again, and started towards her mom and uncle.

"No, they just told us to wait here," said Julie, her mother and her heavily lined face went back to staring at the barren wall. That was about an hour ago, it felt like a day ago if you asked the both of them. Madison had called her uncle Matthew in case they called them back, Julie wanted to be there when it happened. Madison had let a few tears slip on the phone, which added to her uncle Matthew's fear, and she felt bad about that.

"Sinclair?" came the voice of a female, and the three of them turned and looked as a nurse made herself known. She was a young woman, around thirty years old with her blonde hair pinned upon her head. "Would you please follow me?" Just those simple words left Maddi with a strong feeling of deformity.

"Is he alright?" demanded Julie. The nurse said nothing as she led them into the hospital. They turned away from the bank of elevators, walked down a hall that seemed to go on for miles before taking another turn where a bank of empty rooms stood and at once a feeling of oddness and distortion swept over Maddi, she felt – what? Dizzy? No; not dizzy, but far. As if part of Maddi had been lifted out of her body and swept away. Not hospital rooms, rooms with a couch, and a table, and a chair. Rooms with murals. Rooms with water bottles and cookies and they turned into a room.

"Please take a seat, the doctor should be speaking with you in a few moments," smiled the nurse.

Julie took a seat in the leather chair, and Matthew sat himself upon the sofa, and began to bounce his knee, and Madison turned away from that. She didn't want to associate a bouncing knee with this day because it was a safe image for her of Mikey Way bouncing their child upon his knee. She turned and saw the mural they got, a mural memorializing 911, a saluting solider and a massive American flag – very patriotic. "Matthew why are we here?" asked Julie.

"Maybe he needs emergency surgery and they need someone to sign off on it?" he said.

"Sinclair family?" asked a male voice. The three of them gave him their attention. He was an older man, not old, but not young, in that sweet spot, where that thinning hair had a few more years of being atop of a head and those cheeks would stay up before gravity over took them, turning them into wobbling jowls. "Kaiden Sinclair was at Olivia Kennedy's apartment when he grabbed his chest and fell, paramedics arrived and started CPR. He arrived with no pulse. We tried here. There's no pulse. I'm so sorry."

Madison Sinclair had seen it too many times in the movies – a character's hearing goes out and there's a high pitched whine – and now she was experiencing it. Her mother melted out of the chair she was sitting in, falling to the floor beneath her. Her face twisted with tears and snot and even drool. Her uncle's face had been swallowed by his hands as he had body wracking sobs. Madison's hearing came back and she stamped her foot. "No, no, your mistaken," she said.

The doctor frowned, and told them something he had probably said countless times before to other families. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

Madison tried to pluck words from her cloudy brain. "No, there was no loss!"

"We couldn't get a pulse back."

Maddi felt the tears threating to spill and she felt her cheeks become soaked. "No, no, no!" she screamed as she curled into a squat. What the almighty fuck was going on!? Madison crawled under the table. The nurse tried to offer her cookie from the table she was under but she slapped the hand away and screamed.

"If you need anyone, please find a nurse and ask them to page me, Dr. Harper." And the doctor and nurse left the room, left the three of them broken and crying, all three of their world's drastically changed.