1 CH1- Elise

Mirrors are daunting. They frighten me like no other. Through it I can see my reflections, and for the most part they're never good. That's why if I am ever nervous to do something, I avoid mirrors like the plague. What I see in the mirror never reassures, in fact it does the exact opposite, it makes me even more nervous. However, this morning was different because I knew I had to look in the mirror.

It was my first day of work at a new office. I took deep breaths.

My legs wobbled when I tried to stand up and my eyes instinctively closed coming into contact with sunshine. Huh, I guess that's what you get for not sleeping last night. Arms soaring upwards, my mouth opened and let out a bellowing yawn. Repeating that process, I trudged my way to the bathroom where my roommate was showering.

As I step inside the bathroom, I make sure to keep my eyes looking down. Then I remind myself I have to look presentable, so against my wishes my eyes raise up. What I see isn't the best image of myself. Long, tangled black hair and puffy eyes were returning my stare. I sighed. Maybe I was just born with the natural beauty of a ghost.

I turn on the sink and the water starts flowing. At the same time, the shower turns off.

"I'm coming out now." The shower curtains pull back to reveal my long time roommate and friend, Jennie. Her wet brown hair was stuck to her back and it was visible on her face that she, like me, got no rest last night.

"Woah Elise, why you looking in the mirror? It's been awhile since you last did it first thing in the morning. Don't you usually wait a bit." She said as she picked up her hairbrush, her tone clearly gesturing to my under eye-bags.

I pointed to my eyes. "It's because of that, I can't go into work without seeing how bad they were."

Her brown eyes widen. "You call those bad?" She drops the hairbrush on the counter and points both fingers to her eye bags. "These are what I call luxury brand eye circles."

I giggled at her comment.

"Let me guess, you got no sleep because you were either binge watching tv last night or being anxious and overthinking about today."

She got me right on the spot. "Bingo, last night my brain imagined ever bad scenario that could ever occur to me today. Of course I got no sleep."

She laughed. "Okay then, tell me the worst one."

I paused brushing my teeth and thought about it. Not long, the worst of the worst came to mind.

"You will even cringe at how bad it is. I imagined I walked into the office and, to my horror, my new boss is Hugo."

It was like her jaw dropped to the ground. "No way, that would be insane. I mean, there's no chance of it happening cause he is in England right now. But you're right, that would be really bad and not to add awkward."

Even thinking about the situation made me stressed. I decided to switch the topic.

"Right now, I just hope nobody meets me today and instantly dislikes me."

"As if anyone would do that, that's just absolutely prejudiced! If they judge you the first time they meet you, and worse if it's purely off appearance, they don't deserve your respect."

At that last part, I turned back to the mirror. Even though my face was in a neutral expression, my mono lidded eyes still gave off a menacing stare. My lips were pressed together in a tight line. I sighed. I've been told too many a time that others were intimidated by me upon meeting me. I got tired of trying to explain that I wasn't mad and that my face just looks like that after a while. Jennie helped me embrace it and not let what others thought bother me.

I then left the bathroom and went towards my room. The rest of the morning was spent pulling myself together. If there was any day that I had to be the most put together, clean cut employee, it was today. The new boss that I would be meeting today was well known for being strict. He is rumoured to be extremely efficient and clean, which I prioritize too, so I felt like we already had a common interest. I was just hoping that I could get through my first day without a scolding.

It was a bumpy ride to the office, with the cab shaking around as its wheels meet pot holes. Finally coming to an end, the cab stopped and I stepped out onto the road. The building was enormous and my eyes could barely see the top. Soon, I got tired of raising my head to admire the building. Once I relaxed, I began to walk towards the front entrance. I looked down at my phone and realized I had to rush a bit if I was going to get there on time. Fast walking to the elevators with my heels click clacking every time I stepped, my heart began palpitating. My thoughts wandered to what the boss was going to look like. Tall? Blond? Chocolate coloured skin? Handsome? I quickly extinguished those thoughts that were leading to a spiral. As I was nearing the elevator, I saw a backside of a person that looked vaguely familiar. I squinted my eyes, trying to get a closer look but to no avail. Maybe I know them? I shrugged off the thought and continued to the elevator. After all, the risk of being late was looming over my head. I stepped onto the crowded small metal box and got a large whiff of a mix of colon and coffee breath. I made a mental note to breathe using my mouth on the elevators next time.

"Excuse me." I politely said to the person in front of me. That time in that small confined space crowded with people and a bad smell felt like it was going to last for eternity.

"Confidence, Elise. You have to waltz in their looking your best." I encouragingly thought to myself.

My hand approached the door handle, when the door suddenly swayed open. I was met with soft brown eyes that framed a hard face. The eyes seem to sparkle, and for a second there, I was definitely staring.

"Hello?" The man in front of me said. "You're Elise Cheung, right? The new addition to the marketing department?"

"Yes I am Elise." I put my hand out in front of him. "Nice to meet you, uh."

"Joshua Rawat, head of the team that you will be joining." He took my hand into a handshake. I noticed it was huge, maybe two times larger than mine.

It started to get silent. "I am excited to be working with everyone!" I quickly spurted out. Joshua turned to me and smiled a tight smile as he began to make his way to the office.

I was still maintaining that fast walk from before because Joshua's steps were too large for me. However, he didn't seem to notice this at all. We continued this rhythm of walking, him leisurely and me staring at his feet. As we were nearing the office space where my desk was, I realized his feet had abruptly stopped and he turned to face me.

"Actually, on the team there is someone that graduated from your class. You might know him."

The sighting of the familiar backside from the lobby appeared in my mind. It turned out that I did know him, but I couldn't remember his name.

"What's his name? Maybe I will recognize it, but I doubt it as I didn't know many people in my year."

"I'll let him introduce himself, he sits right beside you."

Curious, I turned around to see who it was. Instead, my eyes widened in surprise. In a crisp tan shirt and fitted pants sitting at the desk was a person that instigated a flood of memories from my school days.

"Hugo Li, I am exci-" The man stopped mid sentence when he raised his head from the laptop screen and saw my face.

I hadn't seen Hugo since we graduated five years ago. I wasn't very keen on seeing him again either. My last memories of him weren't good ones at all, and I think that's a mutual feeling. Jennie told me he was still in England and wouldn't be returning for a few years.

Joshua looked at us both and sensed the awkwardness. He stepped in and cleared his throat. "Hugo, this is Elise Cheung. She will be joining our team. She was also in your year during college."

Hugo regained composure and stood up. "I remember, we had a class together in our last year." He extended his hand towards me. I maintained my neutral facial expression and moved my hand to meet his.

" It's nice to see you again."

After that an unpleasant silence ensued. Joshua explained how we had a team meeting in a few minutes to delegate this weeks tasks. I sat down at my small desk and settled in. The chair felt stiff and hard, with my body aching already at the thought of sitting here for hours on end. Around me, glass walls closed me in to what felt like a suffocating silence. I looked down to observe my desk. It was a smooth, white surface decorated with only a computer and a mouse. I preferred to have a very small amount of things, or I call clutter, on my desks. It's almost a physical version of when your brain is overwhelmed with stress. I had tricked myself into thinking that I could avoid and never see Hugo again, but here I was, facing one of my most dreaded situations. This was worse than any of the scenarios my brain thought of last night. While I was thinking about my current predicament, I didn't notice that Hugo was also staring at me as I was staring at the computer screen. Without thinking it through and not even knowing what to say, I turned to face him and caught him staring. For seconds there, both of us just sat there in silence because neither of us knew what to say, or didn't want to say anything. The workers around us were glued to their screens, tapping away on their keyboards. Everyone seemed very focused or maybe they also sensed the uncomfortable quiet around them. That was when I decided to break the silence and speak. It was as if my voice spoke on its own that I begin to talk to him.

"Hue," I accidentally said out of habit. "I mean Hugo, uh it's been a long time."

His face had contorted to a look of surprise at me calling him Hue. That was what I called him before our friendship fell out, or what I thought was a friendship. Once, he told me that nobody called him that and it used to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Now, it just makes me feel gloomy at the thought that we were once that close but now strangers.

His reply was equally dry. " Yeah it has. Has it been five years?"

As I opened my mouth to reply, everyone was called into the meeting room. As I began walking, I wondered if we had continued our conversation would the events of the past have been brought up?

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Five years ago

The smell of coffee breath and unwashed clothes that were worn yesterday filled the lecture hall and traveled to all the noses of the students sitting there. Myself, in particular, got a huge whiff of this particular smell. I look down at my own cold coffee and wondered if others could smell it from my breathe. This particular lecture was one of the few that I enjoyed. It explored the connection between human behaviour and consumerism. Slowly I began to get lost in the words that the professor was speaking. For the whole duration of the class, my mind was running and thinking. It felt like no time had passed when really a whole two hours had. Everyone began to pack their laptops in their bags and put on their jackets. Then, the professor suddenly called everyone to a halt. This professor was specifically known for being strict and having a powerful ability to silence talkative students. And in that moment, this rumour was proved to be true. The students all began to quietly sit back down in their seats and wait for the professor to continue talking.

"Today I am introducing your semester long project. I prefer to have students work on a project that encompasses all the content I teach rather than write on paper for two hours to show that."

His low and textured voice echoed into the hall. I turned my head and looked around at the other students around me. Their faces were not distinctively happy nor sad. Once again, the loud voice continued speaking.

"To prevent unequal distribution of work, or an unfair team that has an individual that has a significantly more advanced understanding of the content, I have grouped you by class grades."

One person instantly came up in my mind. Hugo Li.

I took pride in learning and naturally with that I began to achieve higher grades. But, there was always one person that was just a hair behind me. I first met him at a business competition during our first year at university. From that, we discovered the competition between the two of us. Although Hugo was quite different from me; warm and friendly, always attracting the attention of others, while I was isolated and spent time by myself, we both liked to be challenged to our limits. But this, collaborating on a project together? This was something I simply could not imagine.

Loud words interrupted my thoughts. "And now that's the end of todays lecture. You must decide a topic by tomorrow with your partner, and so I expect everyone to meet with them today."

Today? I didn't know why we had to meet so soon, I mean it was a semester long project. Packing up my books, I didn't realize the person approaching me.

Turning around, I saw Hugo. It had been a while since I had seen him up close like this. His brown hair was tussled and messy, and he had large round glasses to frame his soft features.

Wow, he looks even more like the male lead of a Kdrama, I thought to myself. Looking at his eyes, I felt like I could tell him anything, which was extremely scary.

"So, the professor said to meet up today with our partners." He said, his eyes looking around me, unable to meet mine.

I zipped up my bag. "Yeah, when do you want to meet?" I asked nonchalantly.

"I was actually off to lunch right now, if you want to join we can talk about the project."

I thought about it. Usually we would meet at the library for this type of thing, having lunch almost felt close or intimate. It was unusual for him to ask that, but I didn't give it much thought.

"Okay, where were you going?"

"Wherever you want to go is fine."

And so we headed to a popular restaurant nearby where many of the students on campus gathered. With the leaves falling down and the harsh wind blowing at us, I wrapped my scarf around myself tightly. I looked over at Hugo, who was dressed thickly similar to myself. Perched on his nose were fogged up glasses and his cheeks were turning pink. He resembled an adorably puppy. I smiled at the thought.

"What are you smiling at?" Hugo suddenly asked me.

Feeling embarrassed for having smiled at the thought of him, I retracted my smile. "Nothing, just enjoying the changing of seasons."

With that we both walked in comfortable silence through campus. I was lost in thought, when Hugo stopped walking and faced me.

"I just remembered I had to call someone, but my phone is dead due to the cold. Can I borrow yours?"

I nodded and grabbed my phone out of my pocket and motioned for him to take it.

When his hand came into contact with mine, I instantly felt warmer. The skin of his hands was soft despite the unforgiving weather. While grabbing the phone, his hand lingered on mine. My body was tingling at the brush of our fingers. I was momentarily frozen because I didn't know what was happening. And before I knew it, he pulled his hand away and continued to walk like before. Warmth rose to my cheeks and for the rest of that day I could not forget the simple touch of his hands.

—————————————————————-

The next few days were just like the first one, awkward silences and avoiding each other. I thought that with five years passing that we could move on from what happened during our school days, but it looks like the mere presence of me reminds him of that.

Long work days were filled with non-stop tapping on the keyboard. On my second day, I had brought with me some essentials to place on my desk; wipes, hand sanitizer and hand lotion. I despised when there was dust on my keyboard or screen. Having clean and moisturized hands helped relax me so that I could focus. As I was applying my cream to my hands, I looked over to the adjoining desk and realized there was a stain on it. Instinctively, I grabbed my wipes from the box I had kept them in and took them out. I began rubbing the wipes harshly on the surface of the table, and yet the stain was still not getting out. When my fingers got sore, the stain finally got out. Wiping was hard work and for a moment I just sat at my desk. I felt someone's eyes on me and spun around in my chair. Facing me was Hugo standing at the coffee maker in the break room staring out at me. Suddenly, my face felt hot and I knew I was blushing.

This is embarrassing god, I must look like a tomato right now with all the redness. To avoid further embarrassment, which was definitely a good idea, I bolted, as calmly as you could, to the washroom. Splashing some cold water on my face should cool it down.

I stood up from my chair and began, in an orderly fashion, walking at a very fast paced. I turned down an empty corridor when soft footsteps could be heard behind me. Was someone following me? To the bathroom? I began hurrying a bit.

"Elise." I turned around and saw Hugo.

"What are you doing here?"

Hugo stayed silent and walked towards me, backing me towards the wall.

I repeated my first question. "What are you doing Hugo?"

"I don't know." He replied with a red, flushed out face. I had had enough of this and stopped walking backwards. With my feet planted, I looked him straight in the face. His head was titled downwards and eyes starring at the ground. He kept playing around with his fingers.

"Well, if there is nothing here, I am going to head to the washroom." My feet spun around, and just as I was about to take a step, a thump sound alarmed my ears. I blinked in surprise and titled backwards a bit. Raising my eyes, Hugo's hand was planted on the wall right in front of my face, blocking me from moving. He held his head low, and didn't seem to move. The hallway was in utter silence, with the only noise travelling through the space coming from Hugo. I looked down at his chest and could hear the loud thumping of his heart. Getting nervous, I asked what he was doing.

"Elise, you haven't changed a bit since I last saw you." He smiled softly, as if remembering something of the past.

"You haven't either Hugo. Except you're more handsome now."

Regret immediately sinked in. Why would I just say that? He's going to think I'm so weird. All that avoiding him to make him think I didn't notice him went down the drain.

Heat rose to my cheeks and I sheepishly lowered my eyesight. A soft chuckle erupted from Hugo.

"Lise." It sounded bizarre coming from him. We weren't as close as we were before, and I most definitely did not want to go back to being close with him. I lifted my face to meet him.

"Seeing you again has made me realize…"

The rest of his words were tuned out to me as I zoned out. Lise, seeing you again has made me realize…The phrase sounded so familiar, where was it from? Scattered, I tried recalling when I had heard it.

It's so familiar. I've heard it before, those exact words from Hugo. When, when did I hear them?

Suddenly, it occurred to me when I had heard it. When I last saw Hugo. My feet wobble at the thought of it, almost as if the pain from then was reviving itself inside of me.

Hugo noticed my face contorting with confusion and stopped talking.

"Lise?" I didn't reply, I didn't know if I wanted to speak to him after I remembered what happened last time. "Your face doesn't look good, are you ok?"

This was just like last time I saw him. Pretending to be friendly with other motives. My arm began to move on its own and forcefully moved his out of my face. I began to walk towards the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" It was his turn to be confused now. I had made my choice, that I wasn't going to fall for his lies anymore.

"Leave me alone Hugo, I don't want to talk to you."

With that, I left him standing in the hallway.