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"Can you promise me something?

If you happen to not love me anymore,

Let me be the first to know.

If you become swayed, unbalanced in emotions,

I want to hear it first; let me know.

Of course, my heart will break once you tell me,

But what is even more painful …

Is if I'm kept in the dark; if you made a change of plans and carried on without me, taking three steps ahead and leaving me in the dark.

Like my mom did, before she died,

Like my best friend, before she found another.

Like him, who made those many vows, made me find security in his words; only to fulfil them with someone else.

Promise me, you won't be like them.

Don't promise me forever

Just that when it's over, I would know …"

He took it for granted, my pain.

He thought just an apology would do, as though he slightly stepped on my toe,

A short 'I'm sorry' should do it;

And then we'd move forward like 'we' never happened.

To wish he would be watching from afar,

To think he still cared.

To wonder if I'm still on his mind,

To know if he ever even loved.

Past wounds can be traumatic,

You think you're all better now,

But when you look back, they're still infected.

These scars when numbed, produces even the worst pains;

The deeper your memories of these scars are,

The more craven you become, putting a bridge up at the slightest occurrence.

Trapped in self-pity and pain,

Having those many fears step in;

You spin around in circles,

In the same place and isolate yourself …

Just as a loud noise is created when a cloud meets another cloud, I wished I could be bold enough to shout unconsciously in what was once a relationship with you.

Just as a bright light appears when a cloud suddenly meets another cloud,

I wished being with you could shed light on the path I had wandered away from.

But we are where we are now,

And it has to be okay, even though right now, it isn't.

I could be mad, throw a fit, talk about how unfair life is;

Swallow up in my hurt and regrets,

But I deserve better.

When these trauma's want to weigh me down,

I'd keep leaning on the One whose love is ever true,

Whose embrace is ever light, whose heart I know beats for me.

He'll keep making me whole;

So these memories won't be the strongholds, holding me back from something even more splendorous and beautiful.

They're hard, these traumas;

But there is truly nothing hard for Him to do,

Let Him take the weight off you, and give you His burden instead.

His burdens that are light and bring peace.

The past might still exist,

But Abba says the present is better, and the future even more excellent;

Because they are not uncertainties, they are all in Him.

So let Him Lead.

"For what we lack, He is full of,

Where we're broken, He is whole,

And what we're doubting, He is sure of,

Trust the Lover, the Loved of your soul" …