chapter 14

Panic Attack

I finally sealed the deal with Bret's company.

I finally sealed the deal with Bret's company.

I finally sealed the deal with Bret's company.

Those words kept playing in Xander's head, repeatedly. Xander could feel his heartbeat stop beating.

His hands slipped off the door knob slowly till they laid by his side.

"Oh my goodness!" His father screamed with so much joy and happiness. "I'm so proud of you son, very very proud."

Xander watched with so much anger, so much hatred, so much sadness. He watched the scene of his father and brother hugging.

He was bitter. Anger filled him to the brim.

Xavier sealed the deal? A deal he was working on to make his father proud of him, just this one time? He sealed the deal that gave him sleepless nights? He sealed the deal that he was going to use to gain acceptance from his father?

Fucking Xavier!!!!

Being in that room suffocated him. He struggled to breathe till his lungs stopped working.

That was his cue to leave, when no one was paying attention to him. He turned the knob and made his way out, quietly.

He got to his car, threw his jacket in the back seat, hit the passengers seat in tears and started his engine.

After taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down, he drove away.

Away from the place he used to call home. Home was never the same for him again. Home felt like a thorn in his flesh. Home wasn't home anymore.

Why was Xavier always getting the good stuff? Why was he the only son that his parents were proud of.

He knew his mum was extremely proud of Xavier, even though she was trying so hard for it to go unnoticed.

She tried her best. She tried to make him happy and comfortable, but it never hid the fact that she was super proud of his twin.

His phone buzzed. He picked it up and took a brief glance at it. It was a text from his mum, asking where he was at. He groaned and threw the phone back on the passenger's seat.

It kept buzzing and ringing continuously. In fact, it did not stop until he drove into his house.

The moment he stopped his car, he breathed a sigh of relief. He was glad he was somewhere that reminded him of nothing, but peace.

But, he wasn't at peace at the moment.

"Fuck!!!" Xander screamed in his car.

His breathing was hitched. He struggled, struggled to draw air, but it wasn't enough.

That was when he realized he was having a panic attack. He hasn't had it in years.

He managed to get out of his car, and made his way into the house.

With every step he took, it felt like the walls were closing. His hands were shaking vigorously.

He could hear the continuous sound of his beeping phone. But he couldn't reach it.

His staff were on their off days, and he knew they would have easily helped him if they were around.

Tears filled his eyes. He struggled until he was in his bedroom. He kept crawling, but couldn't reach his drawer, where he was sure his pills were.

"God, please." He whispered in a shaky voice.

He stayed in that position for a really long time, whilst taking deep breaths.

Slowly, his breathing began to stay steady. His shaky hands stopped. He could finally sit upright and not hug his knees tightly, in pain.

This was the worst panic attack he ver had, and surprisingly, it stopped without him taking his pills, as usual.

He managed to stand up, and grabbed his towel. He went into his bathroom, and ran hot water into his bathtub. He soaked himself inside for almost an hour, before he cleaned up.

Back in his room, he put on his clothes, grabbed his pills and swallowed two, before he left his bedroom.

He tried to fix dinner for himself, but decided against it immediately. Cooking was the last thing he would do. It would cost him his life and his house.

He poured some cereal in a bowl and milk, and began to dig in.

The ringing of his phone jolted him. He grabbed his phone that he had tossed on the couch. His mum was calling again.

He sighed heavily, before he picked up. "Hi, mum."

"Xander, what's the problem baby? Why did you leave like that, without a goodbye." Sadness laced in her voice, and it hurt Xander so much.

"I had an emergency." He lied. He knew his mum knew he was lying as well.

"I feel you're not telling me something. You always talk to me, what's the problem baby?"

Xander groaned. "Nothing mum. I'm really not in the mood to talk right now. I just need a good sleep."

Mrs Wellington, realized it was going to be a waste of time convincing Xander, as he was the very stubborn twin. She knew her next stop was going to be Xavier. And she was glad it wasn't going to be a phone call.

"Good night baby. I love you so much." She made kissing sounds.

"I love you too mum, good night." He hung up immediately and began munching on his cereal that was soggy now.

He decided to scroll through instagram as he ate his soggy cereal. He watched reels and that made him smile a bit.

He was about logging off instagram, when he received a notification that someone loved a picture he posted about a year ago.

"What the fuck!" He exclaimed.

He couldn't believe that one person would go through his profile. He wanted to be one hundred percent sure, so he tapped on the persons profile.

There she was, beautiful in every picture he tapped on. Her captivating eyes stared back at him. He was mesmerized.

"So beautiful." He murmured unconsciously.

He decided to make one decision he knew he'd regret the next morning. He tapped on the follow button and turned off his phone immediately.