1 Chapter 1 Where da fk am I going

It was a normal day the sun was shining the birds where chipping and a dumbass was run over by truck-kun.

That was me, I was the dumbass.

I will never forgive the Japanese! You made a God who's domains is running over idiots who don't look both ways when crossing the street. Yes it was Divine Authority no two ways about, definitely not my fault.

In all seriousness where the fuck am I? I know for a fact my body because human strawberry jam on the road and yet I find myself in an actual room with what I can only assume are drugs surrounding me.

Common sense says I should investigate around but poor impulse control says I should start chugging.

Then again poor impulse control lead me to playing FGO while crossing the road. Curse the Japanese I will never forgive them!

"Hey you, you are finally awake"

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!??!" No not Skyrim absolutely no Skyrim, I don't want to become lizard dinner.

"STOP SCREAMING!!!!" I shut up "You aren't in the Elder Scrolls verse, I was just making a reference."

O good, wait not good this suspicious fucker is reading my mi-

"I am not, that's rude and I really don't want to know what in that disturbing shithole." He did it again!!!

"For fucks sake -_- Do you want superpowers or not?" That sut my bullshit real quick. It doesn't take a genius to figure out my situation, I have no idea who or what that guy/girl/Eldritch Horror is and frankly it doesn't matter. I am dead and offered superpowers which mean a new life. THAT I can take seriously.

Also I really don't want to know what happens if I don't take the offer. Could be heaven (HA as if) or non existence. Either way this is an opportunity I don't want to miss.

"So then how should I refer to you if you don't mind, I am Nick by the way" I say in my best cheerful yet deferential tone, well practiced over many meetings with people I had to break deals with.

"I guess we can go with Rob since the situation is already pretty cliche" Rob chuckled. Rob who didn't mention a pronoun and as such will be exclusively referred to as Rob from now on. You never know when Twitter is watching after all. "Just go with He, kid"

I didn't say anything, I didn't even think it but the image of Dave Chappelle was very prominent in my head. He just chuckled.

Yeah that settle is he knew who he was dealing with. He didn't lie. An entity like him has no reason to but he definitely knew my thought process, so his choice of reincarnated individual wasn't random.

I just smiled "So then if you don't mind me asking, how are we going to do this?"

"Well" He turned to the two giant wheels behind him, that most certainly weren't there before, one labelled WORLD and the other POWER "You will spin the world wheel once to determine the multiverse I will send you to and then however many times you want to determine the details like general universe, power level etc. " Simple enough. "Then you will spin the power wheel five times and depending on the danger of your world, the powers you can get and the percentage chance of stronger powers will be adjusted accordingly. "

"That... seems pretty fair honestly. Just to be clear stronger worlds equals stronger powers... right?"

"Generally thought it's pretty random so you could end up in FGO with Pickachou's power" That's a pretty unreasonable example my dude.

Stepping forward and sending a prayer to Rob and RNGesus just to be safe, I spin the wheel of doom.

And they both betray me.

"Ooofffff"

"Ooofffff DC multiverse that's tough, bud" Thank you for your kind words traitor. Also is it kid or bud, are you extradimensional wolverine or something?

"Say how about a compromise?" He asks.

"...I am listening " Please be something good.

"Instead of five Power spins I'll give you four" Fuck no "And I'll add a specially crafted defense power from yours truly."

" Now we are talking!!" This guy is undoubtedly ridiculously strong, if it come from him directly and not just copied from somewhere in the omniverse it's bound to be good. Hopefully.

He continues with a sly grin " Basically I'm thinking a full esoteric defense pack. Destiny, Death, Paradox, Cloning, all the shit." If I had my dick and wasn't a blob vaguely shaped like a human I'd be so Hard right now. What can I say the prospect of gaining immense power turns me on. Fate Scathach is my favorite waifu for a reason after all.

"But" And there it is "I will only power the part that protects you against multiversal things, like the Endless or the Imp, everything else will scale to your power."

O that's not bad! Like really good not bad!!

"You got a deal magic man!"

"Excellent now spin the wheel my young padawan." On it master Kenobi!

The World chooser of despair spin and it lands on Young Justice. Whyyy, just why? You give me the most dangerous Verse I know and the weakest universe in it? If you gonna do me dirty at least keep the power levels high so I can become Saitama.

Without another word I spin it again. "O a crossover with the Justice League not much of an increase in danger but definitely in interestingness." Thank you Captain Obvious, seriously the JL show was amazing but other than AMAZO everyone was weaker than YJ, also I don't think the last one is a word.

And so the pulling continued as everything pulled was pretty bullshit, just different shows and continuities from TV shows that ultimately led to the verse being weaker than it was before. Until the holy grail was found.

"Fucking finally, hey Master of hopefully overpowered pulls, when it says stronger verse how strong are we talking about."

"I ain't about to give you all the details" How surprising "But let's say that an average fully powered kryptonian would be equivalent to a fully grown viltrumite."

"Ok, great. Ok I can work with this!" Honestly part of me wants to keep pulling, but while my luck hasn't been great so far I at least haven't gotten something like 'imminent invasion by super Hell powered Darkseid' best not to jinx it.

"Shall we move over to the Power section then, boy" So you change the way you speak mid sentence, from Kingsman to Kratos as well. At least they both start with K.

"Sure hit me"*Smaccc*" Ouwwww" Well I did ask for it.

Pull number one bring meee....

No fucking way " I GET TO BE SAITAMA!!!! LET'S GOOOOOO"

" Not even close. " He deadpuns.

"The fuck you mean?!?! "

"It says 'Average Human Physiology - One Punch Man' not Saitama's powerset. "

O fuck I am one of the background dudes running away from the monsters aren't I.

"Can I still break my limiter and reach Saitama's level?" Please say yes.

"Yes" Let's Goooo "But" FUCK "There is a reason saitama is considered an impossibility in his verse. A limiter Can Not be broken. Period. If you want to try it, all power to you but try not to be too disappointed."

"So your saying I can do it" That's that then. If I Could potentially do the impossible then I Can do it. Effort never stopped me before.

He just stared at me for a second, like just heard something incredibly stupid and then he laughed "Sure you can do it, I believe in ya!" Thank you magic man "Now to the next pull"

"...Hey Rob is this legit? " Don't get your hopes up again Nick, stay calm, be cool.

"Huh I don't know if you are stupidly impossibly lucky or very unlikely"

"Is this a second troll like the OPM pull or..."

"No it's legit, I mean it's gonna make breaking your limiter even harder considering how ridiculous this is, well for a mortal anyways, but it's the genuine article."

Right, Right it's ok no need to lose it. I was gonna reach that level after my training ended anyways. Nope can't hold it.

"I AM BECOME HE, THE LEGENDARY SUPER SAYIAN!!!!"

"I know your excited but could you tone it down a bit?"

"The Voice of the LEGENDARY SUPER SAYIAN is LOUD like his LEGEND!!"

"Sut up or I'll throw you in front of Lucifer butt naked."

"Aye sir! " Ok I may have lost it a bit there but it wasn't my fault. It was Toriyama who made Broly so cool so I'll just follow protocol and blame the Japanese. I think I may have used that joke before but I can't remember where. How incredibly bizarre!

"Look Nicky this chapter has been dragging on for like one thousand four hundred and ninty one words including this one. So how about we move to the third pull, alright?"

....What did he say?!?!

No no no he is a troll, I've figured that out he is just fucking with me, obviously he means he will wright a book about this and it will be that long.

... Or IS he, is this misdirection, reverse psychology or double reverse psychology???!!!!

Does it matter thought? That threw in a loop for a bit. No it doesn't this is as real as everything else, just as it always has been. Whatever technique he is using to fuck with me about this situation is irrelevant. Just as the reality of the situation. One thing truly matters.

"Onto the next pull it is!" My future matters just as it always has.

"Another human psychology from UQ holder this time damn that limit keeps getting further away from you doesn't it" The asshat that distributes existential crisis exclaims.

"Yeah I don't know what a UQ holder is." Also does the average power ceiling actually compare to dragon ball, those guys blow up planets for fun?

"It the sequel to Negima"

Wait that has a sequel? More importantly "Since when does magic school notreallyharem show have average humans that whose potential can actually affect my situation?"

"In raw power the limit increase isn't really worth mentioning" I can taste the but, and not the fun jiggly kind "But the amount of skill those people can acquire is phenomenal to the point that they can literally interact with concepts." Wait I am confused saitama didn't train in martial arts or anything he got no skill, how is that a factor??

No wait it is! Sure he doesn't know any formal fighting techniques but he can control the amount of force he out puts perfectly. He can stop the rain with a punch but not even make Bicycle guy's hair move even when he was right besides him. And now you tell me that it's naturally within my limits to punch concepts. The odds of reaching beyond the ladder of power once more plummeted.

I like these odds. My ascension will all the sweeter.

And now for the final pull.

"Seal mastery like from the arctic?" Unlimited Seal Works?? "Obviously from Naruto, boy, it says it on the damn wheel" Ooo yeah that makes more sense and hello Kratos it's nice for you to join us again. That said should I be concerned that the first thing that came to mind is yeating fluffy animals at people. Still it would have been funny as hell. I could give myself some awesome name like the Sealed King and spent my villainous carrier smacking unsuspecting sailors with Arctic furballs!

Also for a guy with a random wheel of powers he couldn't be more obvious if he tried. A possibility limit breaking ability, incredible potential to make the Unlimited Power at the end an everpresent and everdistant goal and a convenient skill that makes training to that level both feasible and non socially deliberating. And quite honestly.

It fucking worked.

I have one of the best possible combos to realizing the greatest Star Wars meme and Divine Will of Rob or not I am going to get there, no matter how long I have to grind.

Whatever it takes.

*Author's note :

First chapter just dropped and it's 2038 words. How did this come about I am asked? Well I was in the train today and my phones internet was slow as hell. So I decided to write this picture of healthy mentality. I will continue it, maybe, but I have no plans no drafts and a lot of work sooo yeah.

You probably noticed but I have left a lot of shit vague because I honestly don't know it yet. Who is Nick, what's his motivation, what was his past like, who is Rob, what does he want and many more. Questions that honestly don't really matter in a storie's plot but help us understand the characters choices and mentality. Will the answers be satisfactory I don't know, because I don't know them yet. Will theyvbe stupid YES. It's me we are talking about. But most of all they will hopefully be fun to write. And I had a lot of fun with this so maybe I will continue it soon.

I will soon release some auxiliary chapters about general things you should expect from my writing.

Chaooooo