39 Sometime lending an ear is all it take

A/N: I will stop answering to every comments from now on, it's obviously useless to bother answering to critical or insulting comments when they don't even answer to mine. I also will stop caring about their opinion as they don't care about mine. It's possible I will just delete them if I deem them useless. You know it's probably because of that authors stop caring or even become scared of going through comments. As as much as I never really care for haters hating on my fic. It still came to me becoming a bit fearful and stressed of finding such a comment. That's all for the rant. Enjoy the chapter, again a dramatic music is recommended.

Julian's moist eyes quickly dried up. As now that he had acknowledged it all. He also knew that there was little chance for something to change if it only got worse with time. "I don't think it wi-"

Mikan cut him of as she pressed herself closer to him, soothingly murmuring. "Shhh... Stop thinking... You only need to talk."

With, the scenery changed yet once again to a sort of cave. Filled with machinery of all sort with various tables and tools laying around everywhere. But the center piece of this scene was certainly the table with what seemed like a pretty expansive computer with three different screens.

Julian's seem to be lost for a second before his expression settled back to a blank one.

"This is the place you are the fondest of in your memories. What is it?" Mikan detached herself from Julian as she began to explore around.

"This is the cave I used as my lab since my talent for research was discovered when I was 5. And until I left for the better government facility when I was 12." Julian answered simply, a reminescent and bitter look in his eyes.

As Mikan toyed with the first ever prototype of the plasma gun. She sent a meaningfull gaze to Julian. "So, this is from the part of your mind I didn't have access to earlier... As your home back in Japan never had a basement to begin with. And you never worked in any way for the government. Well, not in your current life I take it?" She smiled softly before she came back to his position and took his hands into her own, summoning a big cushion for the both of them to seat on.

She led him onto it and simply prompted him. "Go ahead, it's time."

It took Julian a minute before, like a broken dam. He began to recount the tale of his first life, a version very similar to the vision he saw in his judgment 2 years ago. But, because of that, he was immediatly interrupted shortly after the start of his retelling.

"I don't want to know about your achievements, they are not representative of the person that you were and are. I want to know about you, not the you everyone know about."

And so, thinking for a bit, Julian resumed his telling but focused on himself this time.

He was born from a loving and well off Italian couple in 1996. He never had many friends aside from his younger years. As he stopped going to a public school when he was 8 to work solely on his research. His parents hiring private tutors for him to still learn the basics and deepen his understanding on whatever subjects was concerning his research.

Growing up after his eight year, the people he frequented were all adults. His tutors, his parents, there were no children his age in either of his family's side. After his 12 year, his frequentations only changed to his tutors to scientists and even government officials.

In such an serious as well as shrewd driven environment, he had to adapt fast. Fortunately, you couldn't be a genius at research without some serious smarts. And he had already tasted first hand humans stupidity and hypocrisy when he tried to present his projects to better the world and was mercilessly shut down. Everyone not deigning to give a second glance to what they perceived to be a mere child 'foolishness' or for other just as worst reasons.

But in the end, it didn't deter him. He had always been told by everyone around him and especially his parents that people should always strive to make the world better. So that's what he did, and he didn't give up. At the time, he also remember the certain thrill he experienced at being opposed to.

And despite the odds, he managed to thrive through it all. emboldened and confident of his parents supporting him in his endeavor, despite perfectly knowing that his talent was wasted on making weapons.

To his 12 year until his conquering of the world. Beside research, planning and protecting his family and himself from schemes and greedy intent. Nothing else happened.

And the rest of his life was nothing more than pathetic.

He found failure in searching for love.

Failure in his social life.

Failure in his personal life.

And failure in his research.

That was his life, how he lived and how he died. As Julian Arden, bringer of the human kind golden age.

—————

Mikan, meanwhile. Was attentively listening with rapt attention to Julian's story. With every word he said, she would get access to a part of his memory which she hadn't before.

There was clearly a third party at play. But she already knew that, since Julian birth 17 years ago. At that time, something told her that this baby was special. Connected to her in a way.

But she didn't need anything or anyone to tell her to know it.

Because she could feel it, somehow.

That she wouldn't be there, if it wasn't for him.

What was it? Instinct? Fate? A higher power at play perhaps?

It didn't matter, she was feeling as close to him that she was her sister. She didn't need another reason.

At her level of power, nothing mattered more than feelings. And living her life however she wanted.

Schemes, power struggles and hidden intentions were inconsential. Of no signifiance for an immortal being such as herself.

It was deplorable that she hadn't acted sooner however, didn't presented herself to him earlier. But, she couldn't have known. Not when he appeared totally normal on the outside, and his mind was akin to a fortress to her prodding.

But when Julian thought of her name earlier today, it was like she was suddenly given a key to a door. The key to his pain.

And now that Julian finished his story, she could finally place the final piece to the puzzle.

She knew now where it all came from. And it was so similar to her own story that she couldn't help but let out a faint whimper and close her eyes as a single tear fell from her face.

It was good, at least they would have each other from now on.

But for the moment, she had to calm down. Because all of this wasn't about her.

—————

"You were betrayed? Weren't you? By the ones you thought would always support you? Who you thought would always be there for you and be on your side no matter what. It all began by that. Didn't it?"

Julian didn't answers, as his face became even more unexpressive than before. He wanted to refute her, but seeing her so emotional in this situation made him feel strange.

And he knew it was true, and he hated that. It was so weak a reason, his parents becoming a little distant after it all. Betrayed was such a big word for it.

"Oh? You think working your childhood, teenagerhood, as well as the golden years of your life away for someone. As well as selflessly giving up on yourself for 17 years to achieve such a grandiose thing. Only for the persons you did all of that for - the ones you wanted to make proud. To not only not acknowledge your work, but give you the cold shoulder. Weak?"

Julian head dip a bit as he frowned, she hit the nails on the head. But it wasn't his parents fault, he should have consulted them before enacting the last act of his plan.

But unfortunately for Julian, Mikan wasn't finished. "Did you also forgets what happening afterward? How you tried to get back what you missed on? Friends... Love... Complicity... And how hard your attemps were rejected?"

She opened her mouth to say something else, but in the end. She simply let it at that.

There was too much to be said. And adding more wouldn't make a difference.

It was time to destroy his warped view of the world.

"Nevermind that..."

Mikan gazed deeply into Julian's perturbed eyes. "In the first place, why are you comparing your problems with other non-existant people? Everyone problems and how they deal with them are their own. Who are you feeling guilty for?"

Julian raised his head to meet Mikan's eyes. Who he felt guilty for?

The people he stepped on to unite earth? All the children he made orphan? Perhaps it was a bit of that.

But no.

A shudder passed through his body as he understood.

He was feeling guilty for his wishes, for playing with his own future family life for his convenience. Maybe he indeed felt betrayed by his original parents, and as some sort of sick vengeance. Killed off his biological mother and made his adoptive father sterile.

No, it was not a maybe. But the truth.

A deep sigh was heard from Mikan as she smiled in contrast. There was progress, but she could see that this sort of mentality was impossible to heal at the first shot. So that's exactly what she proposed. "Do you want to live on, Julian?"

The only answer was silence.

Mikan didn't mind as she continued. "You want to give up? Then how about this?"

Her gazed became neutral and her expression unreadable as she released Julian's hand and stated with a tempting voice. "I can rewrite every memories that give you sorrow into a happy one or just straightly delete them. With that, your will to live will come back and you can go enjoy your new, long life without any worries. Paving your way to the very top, unbothered and unshackled by an unimportant past life. Isn't it perfect? Would you want that?"

Julian's heart rate slowed down as his mind blanked.

Indeed, wasn't this perfect? All his unnecessary grief and suffering. Gone! Just like that.

Afterward, he could do like she said. And go on to live his life.

He wouldn't find it so difficult to find happiness then...

Julian mouth opened and closed repeatedly as he wanted to accept but each time the word YES was to leave his lips. He found himself unable to utter it, as if he was suddenly out of breath.

His face contorting itself more and more in frustration, he finally bursted out as a voice, that he didn't knew if it was his or not, whispered in his mind.

'Stop lying to yourself.'

"FUUUUUUCK!"

*BOOOM*

Striking and cracking the ground with his fist, Julian cursed, screaming as he stood up and let out as much destructive magic that he could to vent his frustration.

In result, an enormous raw wave of dark red energy washed over the lab. Pulverising everything in it to dust as Mikan just stayed in the same place and let it pass over her. Unbothered by it.

It took a couple seconds before the wave ended, with Julian falling on his ass and his breath coming out a little ragged as he emptied his demonic energy reserve.

He let out a really tired chuckle as he thought that he indeed was really looking like a child throwing a tantrum right now.

Wearily looking up at Mikan, he answered with a equally worn out tone. "No, in the end. I can't bring myself to forget an integral part of who I am. So I guess I do want to live in the end. Even if it's just to repay all of my debts."

He laughed out bitterly as he admitted. "I just honestly don't know if I can do it now. With the cat out of the bag. How can I go forward when you were right in saying that the past 17 years were nothing but a lie..."

Mikan smiled brightly and sweetly as she took back his hand in her own. "Oh yeah, I lied about that. Well, somewhat."

Julian barely reacted besides a twitching of his free hands, as he had the strange and strong urge to bonk her right then.

"This mask, this facade as I called it. It's not made from scratch as it's only a shallow part of yourself. Of who you are. It's your mischevious and confident side coupled together. With all the good, and nothing of the bad. Everything else, your desires, your wants, and even your true feelings. You locked them in a box."

Julian frowned as he understood now what she was referencing to earlier with comparing his mind to a puzzle. Even his thinking process was simulated during the past 17 years as he had put subconscious mental blocks about certain things. But not everything was simulated, as sometimes his true thoughts or feelings showed through despite it all. Hence, the 'holes' in the box that was his true self.

Now that he knew that, he could more accurately distinguish the real from the false. Be it bad or good.

And the result relieved him but at the same time pained him much more. The only thing that stayed genuine in all of this were his promises. All the rest was mixed.

But Mikan, who was certainly stalking his thought process. Helped him again, only this time. Even she seemed a little annoyed. "Don't forget that you can still care about someone, but not love them. Do I have to say everything to you? Did nobody ever teach you how to properly live? Or even common sense?"

Julian's gaze blanked as he thought seriously about it for about two seconds. Before he came to an answer. "How to live? Common sense? My childhood lasted 5 years, and my parents never prevented me from doing what I wanted to do. Which was majorly researching, we still saw each other. But we mostly talked about me and my progress as well as what I wanted to do. So life lessons didn't really happen. As for this life, not gonna lie, I was let to my own devices really early on and I never really listened in school. As for common sense..."

Julian had PTSD flashbacks of wiping out hundreds of terrorists alone and conquering a planet in less than 20 years. As well as meeting a Goddess after his death and being reincarnated as a literal Impossibility in a world where boobs was a source of power. Oh, and he was also the bearer of a one of a kind disease because of his sheer genius in everything.

"Can you eat it?" Julian only said.

Mikan had no reactions as she switched back to the subject. "Well, you seem way better than earlier at least. But we're far from finished. Our goal is to keep you away from all this pain and slowly squish it."

She paused for a moment before her eyes softened. "And it will not be easy. In fact it will be hard, really hard."

She brought herself closer to him and squeezed his hand a bit. "Your problem is complex and deep ingrained. To solve problems like that, you need a drastic solution. I have one for you."

Julian listened in silence as he felt himself relax for some reason in Mikan's proximity. "Break the box, or at least enlarge the hole. And no more lie, nor facade."

"When you feel something, be vocal about it. Something annoy you? Say it. Something anger you? Say it. And not only talk about it, but you have to behave like how you feel. Don't merely repress your anger and wear a smile, let it out. If you're sad, then cry, or grieve. It's okay, if someone judge you. Just beat them up. Or I'll even do it for you if you want."

"Now about your wants, do not bury them. Try to be passoniate and honest about them. Same thing about your feelings. Let them out."

"Don't do anything out of a sense of obligation toward what someone else said to you or that you don't feel like doing. Try doing it for yourself, and create your own code or rules.

Mikan eyes teared up as she hugged him and whispered. "And most importantly, and as much as you think so. You're not alone. At the very least, I'll always be with you..."

Julian froze as he took it all in, finally asking, overwhelmed. "Why... Are you doing all of this?..."

Mikan withdrew from the hug and smiled a bit, still teary eyes as she wiped a tear away. "Why? Because you are important to me. I need no more reason."

And with a wave of her hand, she bade him farewell. "There's nothing more I can say. I know you'll remember my advices. I also know for a fact that you will one day get through it. We'll see each other again in the future. Oh, and take care of my sister for me. I'm persuaded she'll like you."

Julian only came back to his senses as the freashly repaired scene of his first laboratory satrted to fade away along with Mikan. He wanted to say many things to her, but in the end. He settled only for two words.

"Thank you."

And with that, Mikan alone remained in this since long destroyed relic of another reality.

—————

~Mikan POV

As she found herself alone once again, her tears stained face warped itself in a wrathful expression.

How dare these pathetic beings try to enter her realm and interupt her precious time with her little brother!

Would they never learn?

She deplaced herself to a particular part of the dimensional gag and squinted her eyes at the tiny tear widening progressively in the fabric of space and time.

As she grabbed the border of it and oppened it herself, she decided that this affront was worth at least a hundred of main planets.

Universe spanning civilisation or whatnot, they would fail again. And taste how defeat feel like once again.

—————

~Julian's POV

One moment he was in the lab with her, and the next he was seated on a couch and back to the ORC room. At the exact same time and position he was in when he first thought of her name.

He witnessed as Grayfia only finished her explanation of the Advent of the Void Dragon God. With Sirzechs adding his own piece here and there.

It was sureal, he had the impression nothing of what he experienced was true. Like it was only a dream of his own making.

But he couldn't mistake it.

Warm tears leaked uncontrollably from his eyes as he tried to wipe them away desperately.

This feeling, like the heaviest part of a burden he had always ignored was suddenly lifted from his shoulders. Like he wasn't merely living through a filter anymore. Like he wasn't alone anymore.

His state only became worst with time as he heard grayfia stand up and approach him. Voice full of concern. "Are you okay? What's the matter?"

Julian's only smiled wrily as he chuckled. "It's just been a long time since I felt this light."

He shook his head as he tried harder to stop his crying, in vain. "Aah~ Crying before my beautiful stepmother. I'm embarassed." He joked.

He felt his head be patted as Grayfia rassured him. "It's okay, you don't have to feel embarassed crying before me, I witnessed Sirzechs bawling his eyes out plenty of times before. And his crying face is much uglier than yours."

"Okay, so I'm the bully to feel better option to go to now? Don't forget that I have my pride as a Lucifer. But I'll tolerate it for today." Sirzechs nervously tried to keep a bit of his pride as the man of the house.

Julian calmed himself as he realized it was the fourth time he cried for real. And it was the only time out of relief.

His eyes steeled as he quickly made a decision. It was good that he acknowledged all his problems, but now he had to actually do his part.

His goals stayed the same. But the person who will accomplish them is better. And hopefully will keep getting better.

Maybe the past 17 years was submerged in denial and lies. And it also was false beginning...

But now it wouldn't be.

Because his journey is truly beginning...

Now.

END OF VOLUME 1: Fake start