21 Pillow talk

In mere seconds, Julian arrived before his home and entered it, Raynare still on his shoulder.

"I'm back!" Julian exclaimed for his parents sake, taking off his shoes while doing so.

As it was weekend and late in the evening, Kassidy and Jacob were chilling and cuddling on the couch watching netflix.

Both of them froze and followed Julian with their gazes as he waltzed uncaringly before them, an unconscious girl on his shoulder.

Directing himself to his room on the second floor, Julian stopped in his track just as he was about to put his right foot on the first step of the stairways when his mother questioned him.

"Hold up right there mister! Why is there an unconscious girl on your shoulder?

... Did you drug her?"

"Nah."

...

"Okay then." With that, Kassidy went back to watch her SquadGame episode and move closer to her husband. As for Jacob, he just shrugged and smirked giving a thumb up to Julian and did the same.

'No mom, I didn' drug her. She passed out after I tortured her both physically and psychologically and forced her to mutilate herself.' Julian thought as he was thinking back on the profound conversation he just had with his mom, and froze but for a split second at how bad this thought sounded, even in his mind. But immediatly after, he shrugged and kept going.

'Self-defence, kinda.'

Reaching his room, Julian first action was to throw a look and shook his head at the sight of the half-finished painting in one of the corner of the room. He had so much scenes he so wanted to paint just waiting to be brought to life in his mind. But even with his extreme talent for the artistic arts, he found himself still immensely far from ready to create them in the form they deserved.

Telling himself to not sweat over it, Julian teared his gaze away from the canvas and laid Raynare on his bed.

Bringing the stool he used when painting before his bed and sitting on it. Julian crossed his leg, put his chin atop his right palm and began to think about what to do with the girl before him.

Frankly, he had no uses for Raynare as she was weak even before losing her wings and becoming as strong as a human. He already had Melissa for his lacking knowledge about this world. And he could not let her go in the off chance she would go rat about some of his secrets he couldn't let the world know of yet.

Additionally, he couldn't just go and kill her as she had proven her willingness to change her ways in giving up on her fallen angel status. Even then, Julian wasn't actually willing to kill her as he was interested in how well she would adapt to her new situation.

Remembering the familiar situation of beating up someone and have them work for him gave him a fun idea.

Grinning at the thought and the possibilities, Julian kept the idea in a corner of his mind and decided that it was time to see what was up with the sleeping beauty.

His wide smile receding to a small one, he sent a pulse of magic through Raynare's body and analyzed what was her current state.

Seeing that she was only in an after shock probably due to pain and heavy exhaustion. Julian choose the simplest way to go about it and decided to let her rest to wake up naturally. After all, there could be unknown repercussions to waking her up forcefully in her current state as she wasn't quite as durable as before.

Another reason would be that he had no applicable spells to deal with the current situation as they were all rather combat oriented.

'Some mind magic would be helpfull right now.' Julian thought and promised himself to try expanding his knowledge about devil magic and its application. He could use some rough form of it and create visual barrier at wish. But he couldn't create an isolated mirror realm like Raynare did when she tried killing Issei as this feat was not as easy as just wishing for it to come into existence like his visual barrier seemed to do.

'Nice, she isn't actually useless.' Julian sighed in relief as he had almost categorized the current Raynare as a beautiful Sakura in his mind.

Looking at the clock showing 6:30 pm, Julian yawned and decided to call a day as today events were mentally tiring.

Taking a shower was technically useless for him as he had the power of destruction, and he could destroy the grimes and dirt on himself, but Julian took one anyway as it felt relaxing.

Returning back before his bed with a towel around his waist, Julian put on some underwear before deliberating but for a second before pushing Raynare to the right end of the bed and laying on the left one.

What? There was no way he would sleep on the couch in his own fucking home because of some girl that wasn't even close to him. She was already lucky that he was kind enough to not just drop her on the floor and end it at that.

As for at least putting some trouser on? Nothing would ever make him sleep with anything other than an underwear... It was a matter of principles.

It was with a weird thought in his mind that Julian closed his eyes and fell asleep almost immediatly.

'Eh, maybe Rias is really my genderbent version. At least I'm not naked.'

---------‐------------

~ The morning, 5:48 am

As the first rays of the sun lit up the room, Julian opened his eyes slowly, immediatly hyperaware of his surrounding, or rather a little more aware of them than in his sleep. Something that he was since long ago accustomed to now.

It was with this extra awareness that Julian sensed the oddly calm gaze wandering periodically across certain parts of his body. Notably, his hairs, his arms, his back, and his butt.

Turning himself so that he was on his back, Julian put his arms beneath his head as makeshift pillows and a spoke calmy. "You're way calmer than I thought you would be, since when were you awake?"

A moment of silence followed before Raynare answered carefully. "I woke up an hour ago."

"So I guess you had some time to think. But I'm still curious, tell me, why are you feeling so comfortable in my presence?" Julian asked evenly.

He was just curious as Melissa took a while before she grew to stop being tense in his company, and even to this day, she still wasn't comfortable with him because of the candy episode.

His question should have brought up some fresh memories as Raynare shuddered and swallowed some saliva. Despites that, she still answered with conviction his inquiry. "What you did to me doesn't matter. As in the end, you showed me mercy and spared my life. And as you said, I had time to think much about my situation."

The ex-fallen angel took a deep breath and continued. "It didn't take me long to realize that my fate was not my own anymore. So, what would be the point in fearing my new god?" At that, even if he could not see it. Julian could picture the fanatical glint appearing in the girl's eyes.

'Well, she's still crazy, but I guess it's for the best.' Julian thought but was still surprised by her words. And it wasn't a pleasant one.

Frowning progressively harder, Julian turned his head and met eyes with Raynare. "What do you mean by 'god'? I'm definitely not your god."

Flinching a bit under his glare. Raynare shook her head after a moment and even glared back as she stood her ground and became angry. Her voice gaining a desperate edge and gaining in crescendo the more she spoke. "What do YOU mean!? I have nowhere to go anymore! My fate is entirely in your hands! Is that not what being a god is!? Having other's fate in the palm of your hand!?" Almost screaming the last part. Raynare lowered her head and brought her knees up to her chest and hugged them in a moment of intense crisis.

The light in her eyes fading little by little, she whispered the next part. "If I can't even decide of my own faith, then what was the point to all of this? I'm sorry." And tears actually began to slide down her face and wet the matress

Almost reeling back in shock at being confronted so directly for the first time in his two lives. Julian watched at a lost on what to do as Raynare gradually lost the will to live she had burning so brightly just a moment ago.

Thinking back on what she said made him ask himself. Was she right? Was he playing god with her? Was he... Toying with her life like he pleased?

Yes, yes he was. Was the answer he came to.

Why was he doing that? To punish her for her deeds? Because she tried to kill Issei?

Indeed, it was because of that, it was because she deserved it. He came to the answer.

But as he actually looked as Raynare seeping little by little into the abyss. Another voice whispered in his mind: Didn't you already punish her enough though?

This question brought back his own thought from yesterday after his conversation with his mother.

Had he not inflicted her enough pain for a whole lifetime by crushing her throat and making her rip off her own wings?

Had he not marked her for life with forcing her to give up on all of her past and live as a race she despised all of her life to stay alive?

Had he not punish her enough yet?

She was not even a threat anymore. So Why was he still treating her like shit?

But then, as he was pondering if he should do anything at all to prevent whatever was happening before him.

An actual voice began murmuring in his ear. A beautifull voice he had never forgotten the sound of. "I wonder... what will you do, Julian? Could you have perhaps, despite your almost perfect memory, forgotten how you got here in the first place?"

The voice becoming silent, Julian widened his eyes in surprise at both the voice and in realization.

How... Did he get here? It was because of his good karma, because of all the good he did in his previous life.

And what was he doing here? Actually hesitating if he should help someone in front of him. Because he was stubbornly not letting go of his grudge. Grudge that by all mean should have been sated by now as he had decided to let her live.

Such a petty thing wasn't like him.

Feeling a sentiment of déja vu in this situation, Julian closed his eyes and tried to delve on it. Finding where it came from, he found himself asking aloud in a low voice "How did it go again?"

Trying to remember yesterday's night dream, Julian muttered. "Ah right, it went something like that: '''If you ever don't seem to find it in yourself to care about someone and this person is in pain. If this is the case, then I want you to reenact what you did just now. Visualize yourself as the person that is hurting and replicate what is happening to her in your mind, but with people you truly care about...'"

After a moment, Julian opened his eyes and fixed them on the fragile, curled up form of the of the now human girl in front him.

Softly bringing his free hand behind Raynare's head, making her freeze in the process. Julian afterward carefully and slowly drew her head toward his torso, forcing her to uncurl herself.

As her head leaned against his chest and Raynare was not moving an inch. Julian began to caress her hair and said in a calm and sincere voice. "It's okay, I forgive you. I'll give you a true chance this time. So, you don't need to be anywhere else, as you belong here from now on. And more than all. I'm sorry."

Julian waited patiently as he felt warm streaks falling down his upper body and the body against his tremble periodically.

He was relieved when an arm found its way around his own waist and squeezed him with desperate strentgh.

As such, only silence could be heard in the room as a certain nephilim was left rather liking the feeling of being hugged so desperately. Even as misplaced as it was in this situation.