1 Session 0
I scrutinized the sheet of paper in my grasp once more, pausing before reviewing it again.
"This will be my magnum opus," I chuckled under my breath. I've invested who knows how much time crafting this character. Every attribute is meticulously chosen and accounted for, and each feat and ability score improvement is optimized for the greatest combat efficiencies. Plans on how every campaign would be a masterpiece held in memory in the D&D archives.
Setting the sheet down, I booted up my computer. My fingers danced across the keyboard swiftly, effortlessly transferring my character sheet into a digital format. A brisk moment passed when my eyes landed at the bottom of the character sheet. The expenditures of gold, already formulated from levels 1 to 20, caught my attention. My backstory, a carefully crafted tale, has the potential to move even Shakespeare to tears. Nothing has been left unaccounted for; all in all, this is perfection.
At the very bottom, a spot awaited my signature. My eyebrow furrowed in confusion before I eventually decided to go along with it. One signature wouldn't do any harm, right?
"Thank you for submitting your character sheet. I hope you relish the beginning of your adventure tomorrow."
With those words, I rose from my seat, stretching before sliding into bed.
__________________________________________
"My head hurts," I groaned as I got up, taking a moment to adjust to the low light in my room. My eyes began to wander, trying to discern where the hell I was. Hard, uneven stones surrounded me, drops of water fell onto my hair, and there was no sunlight anywhere to be seen.
It didn't take long for me to realize that I was in a cave. Now the question was: how the hell did I end up in a cave? Was I kidnapped? Was this a comical incident of sleepwalking gone too far? I did not know.
I looked down to see if anything on my body could give me any clues about what happened. That only brought even more questions. Instead of my jeans and white tee that I went to bed with, I now donned black combat boots, brown leather trousers, and a woolen shirt with a long black cloak over it.
My eyes took notice of the two short swords sheathed on both sides of my waist and a steel oni mask hanging off my belt near the left shortsword— what are these? Are the props? Whatever they were, I knew that what came next would only increase the raging migraine I had. Lastly, there was a book connected to my belt by chains; the book was as thick as an encyclopedia and denser than a star
I sighed and composed myself, leaping to my feet. There was only so much that could be done while lying on a cave wall. I began to make my way through the tunnel, my vision being surprisingly clear with how little light there was in the cave.
The cave was like an endless labyrinth, its walls lined with jagged stones that echoed my every footstep. Small droplets of water fell from above, creating a constant rhythm on the rocky terrain.
"Maybe this book has a map in it?" I asked myself out loud, thinking that this might be one of those weird escape rooms, and I was supposed to escape using the clues the book gave me.
At this point, I was just shooting ideas that could explain this crazy situation. Whatever was happening was beyond common sense. I prayed to God that the book could shine some light on my current situation.
"You've got to be kidding me," I screamed out in disbelief at what I was looking at.
Name: Gob
Race: Meta Goblin
Class: Wizard 1
STRENGTH 13
DEXTERITY 16
CONSTITUTION 8
INTELLIGENCE 17
WISDOM 8
CHARISMA 12
Spells:
Cantrips:
Spare the Dying
Create Bonfire
Fire Bolt
Mending
1st level:
Burning Hands
Cause Fear
Ray of Sickness
Sleep
Cure Wounds
Spell slots:
1st level: 2
Feats: [Artificer Initiate]
On the first three pages of the book was my character sheet, just as I inputted last night. But when I flipped a few more pages, arcane runes and symbols quickly took over. Surprisingly, I understood it all. It was my spellbook, and I felt magic pulsing from both me and the grimoire.
As I gazed at the arcane runes in the spellbook, a mix of wonder and disbelief flooded my thoughts. Could I have truly become my D&D character? The absurdity of the situation left me questioning the very fabric of reality.
I needed to get out of this damn cave for answers.
I pressed forward, yearning to discover a glimmer of light or the comfort of another soul ensnared in this maze. My steps bounced off the walls as I hurried down the paths of this sense of dread hanging over me at the thought of being here forever.
If ever there was doubt about whether these goblins were the friendly, benevolent ones you might encounter in an anime, it vanished. These were the goblins that demanded nothing less than the searing judgment of fire and the unforgiving edge of steel. Inhaling deeply to steady my nerves, I acknowledged that any other class choice might have led me to charge recklessly at this moment. Yet, bound by the path of a wizard, I understood that even a gentle breeze could spell my demise if I failed to play my cards right.
Avoiding a Leeroy Jenkins approach was paramount; finesse and strategy were the order of the day. Unleashing the chains that bound my spellbook, I turned the pages until settling on page 12: Sleep. My eyes darted across the arcane wisdom before me, absorbing the knowledge at a rapid pace.
"By moonlight's gentle, silvery gleam,
I cast a spell, a tranquil dream.
Eyelids heavy, minds entwined,
Slumber deep, your thoughts confined"
Whispering the incantation, the final word of power left my lips, and the die was cast. The outcome would determine the course of my remaining time in this darkened cave.
1...
2...
3...
In the blink of an eye, all the goblins lay limp, sprawled unconscious on the unforgiving stone floor. My footsteps echoed through the cavern's narrow passages, leading me to stand over the soon-to-be-departed goblins. Raising my sword, I swung it down with precision. The blade sliced through the air, leaving a trail of wind before finding its destination—a goblin's throat. In a moment, life turned to death.
One goblin down, nine more awaited their fate. Moving with surgical precision, I continued my grim task, leaving no room for error or death throes that might alert the others.
"That's the last of them," I declared, driving my blade into the final goblin's neck. The metallic scent of blood filled the cavern, an intoxicating aroma that stirred a primal craving within me.
Yet, with a morbid yearning for more, my gaze shifted to the girls' seemingly lifeless bodies.
If goblin blood brought such pleasure, wouldn't there be bring me to heaven? The demise of mere goblin playthings would likely go unnoticed. Perhaps I'd savor a taste before their inevitable end. Dark thoughts, foreign to my nature, sought to corrupt me. My breath grew ragged, and I bit my lip in a struggle for self-control.
Shaking off the disturbing impulse, I flung the blood off my sword, sheathed it, and then unsheathed my clean blade to cut my palm. A surge of pain brought clarity to my clouded thoughts.
I dislodged the Oni mask from my waist, donned it, and pulled my hood over my head, concealing my face in even deeper darkness than the surroundings. It's wiser not to let them see that I am a goblin, lest they go into shock. Before making my way towards the girls.
"Stay awake a little longer," I urged the girls, running my fingers over their bodies, checking their wounds, and casting Spare the Dying to ensure they wouldn't succumb to their injuries. I can't heal them right now or I'll be out of spells before the end of this cave. This is the most I can do.
"I'll be back," I assured them before calmly departing. Taking them along posed risks; there were likely more goblins in the cave, the fantasy equivalent of cockroaches—where there's one, expect at least fifty more. Confident in my ability to confront goblins, my challenge lay in protecting three traumatized girls. I'm no hero, nor a knight in shining armor.
–
Alone with my thoughts once again, the cave system sprawled out before me, more extensive than desired and increasingly claustrophobic. There was barely room to stretch my hands; it seemed tailored exclusively for goblin use. The persistent tapping sound added to the looming sense of impending insanity.
Tap, tap, tap. Hurried footsteps approached, prompting me to unsheathe my blade in preparation for an ambush.
A petite girl, no more than 5 feet tall, rushed around the corner, carrying another girl with a large-brimmed hat over her shoulder. Fear was evident in her eyes as she sprinted toward me. Surprised by the unexpected sight of non-goblins, I refrained from sidestepping her charge. A dull thud echoed as the girl collided with me, falling back onto the wall.
"Oh, goddess, please no," she prayed, her voice trembling with fear and anguish as she crawled away. There was a palpable sense of unease in the air.
Did she just pee herself?
"Stay away, please stay away," she cried, pleading and moving away from my footsteps as she swung.
"Am I so scary?" I crouched before her and inquired calmly.
"Please save us, my party is still back there, please save them." The girl cried, tugging at the sleeve of my hand.
I weighed my options and thought carefully before answering.
"It's possible, but it comes at a price," Maybe helping her would lead me out of this cavern.
"I'll do anything, please just save them." She begged, on the brink of breaking down. Sadistic glee ran through my body as the sight of her crying and begging brought me more than I would like to admit
"I'll hold you to that." A sinister chuckle escaped my lips, my thoughts already veering into the darkest corners.
I looked down at her friend with a dagger in her gut, it was deep in there. I sighed and grabbed the mage from the cleric-looking girl's shoulder.
"What are you going to do to her?" She cautiously pointed her staff towards me.
Oh how cute she looks trying to act all defiantly like that, I wanted more.
"Healing her" Carefully extracting the crude dagger from the wound, blood flowed in quick succession. After removing the obstacle.
"She's poisoned, my miracle couldn't heal her even with the blessing of the Earth Mother" So she is a cleric. I thought she was a cosplayer at first.
Leaving her words linger in the air I applied pressure to the wound and began to chant. Arcane energy flowed from my hands, casting Cure Wounds on her.
"Wounds of strife, I now tend,
With healing touch, my power to lend.
By magic's grace, the pain shall cease,
Renew the flesh, restore the peace."
The girl's flesh began to stitch itself back together, closing up. With the cast of Spare the Dying, I stabilized her condition. She wouldn't die soon, but finding an antidote was imperative; otherwise, she'd be a goner.
A swift toss over the shoulder secured the cargo for extraction—the only task remaining.
This better not be one of those typical escort missions, or I'm tossing these two off the nearest cliff when I escape this cave.
"Lead the way."
"O Earth Mother, abounding in mercy," the girl prayed, holding her staff. Unfamiliar with Earth Mother in Dnd lore, I presumed she was a native god in this campaign. "Grant your sacred light to we who are lost in darkness." She continued her prayer, leaving me to ponder the unfamiliar aspects of this new world. As the last word escaped her delicate lips. The world exploded into a blinding white as the deafening crack of the flashbang engulfed my senses. My vision vanished, replaced by an intense brilliance that seared through my eyelids. Fuck that hurts so much.
"Warn me before you do that," I requested, irritation creeping into my voice. Still adjusting to the newfound brightness, I hastened my pace alongside the small cleric.
The darkness of the cave pressed in around us as we sprinted through the uneven terrain. My footsteps echoed against the cold, stone walls, urgency propelling us forward. The woman of the cloth, a beacon of faith, led the way, her steps unsure but determined.
On my back, the weight of the wizard strained against me, her body jostling with each hurried stride. Her breaths were labored, a testament to the urgency of our situation.
"We're almost there!" the cleric shouted over the echoing footsteps, her voice echoing through the cavern. Her staff emitted a calming light, revealing the treacherous path ahead.
The cavern seemed to stretch endlessly, shadows playing tricks on the eye. The air was thick with the scent of damp earth, and the distant echoes of unknown creatures added to the tension. We navigated the maze-like tunnels with urgency, the cleric's unwavering faith lighting our path.
As we approached a fork in the cave, the cleric hesitated for a moment, consulting an inner guidance. "This way!" she declared, veering to the left. Trusting her instincts, I adjusted our course, the wizard on my back shifting with the movement.
_____________
The cavern's oppressive darkness yielded to the soft glow of the cleric's staff, revealing signs of her party's recent turmoil. The stony path ahead bore witness to the aftermath of her fight. Lifeless bodies of goblins littered the ground, As we pressed forward, the cleric's eyes widened at the gruesome scene. Her whispered prayers reached my ears
The cleric approached cautiously, her staff casting flickering shadows on the goblin's contorted face.
I adjusted the weight of the wizard on my back as we moved through the macabre tableau. The cleric examined the longsword with a mixture of concern and curiosity. The wizard, though still bound, seemed to stir with a renewed sense of awareness.
As we navigated through the aftermath of the battle, The cleric's staff flickered, momentarily casting eerie shadows on the cavern walls as we navigated the aftermath of the goblin encounter. The air grew heavy with the scent of blood, and a soft whimper escaped the cleric's lips.
There, among the fallen goblins, lay a figure she recognized. His body, once full of life, was now a twisted, mangled form at the mercy of the goblins' brutality. The cleric's eyes widened in horror, her steps faltering as the reality of the scene unfolded before her.
A gasp caught in her throat, and the staff trembled in her grasp. Paralyzed by fear, she couldn't look away from the sight that haunted her. The cleric's prayers, once a comforting melody, faltered into silence as grief and shock gripped her heart.
I steadied her with a gentle touch, but her gaze remained fixated on the mutilated body. Tears welled in her eyes, mirroring the cavern's dampness. The cleric, a beacon of light moments ago, now seemed engulfed in the shadows of her despair. And the light on her staff began to flicker.
I placed a hand gently on the cleric's shoulder, my voice was soft but urgent. "We can't linger here. Your friends will end up like that if you don't hurry." The weight of the wizard on my back served as a stark reminder of the vulnerability we faced in this cavern.
Her vacant stare began to shift, but the horror still lingered in her eyes. I tightened my grip on the wizard and gently guided the cleric away from the grisly scene. The echoes of distant shrieks and laughter served as an unsettling backdrop, urging us to move forward.
As we ventured deeper into the cavern, the sounds of loud shrieks and desperate pleas pierced the air. Each cry echoed off the rocky walls, creating an eerie symphony of torment. The cleric's eyes widened in terror, and the weight of the wizard on my back seemed to grow heavier.
From the shadows ahead, sadistic laughter followed the agonized wails. The disturbing chorus painted a bleak picture of what's happening down the cave.
Further down into the cavern, dark splotches stained the stony path beneath our feet, unmistakable traces of blood. The unsettling marks formed a sinister trail, leading us deeper into the heart of darkness.
It was clear that someone had been dragged mercilessly through the cave, their desperate struggle leaving a gruesome testimony on the rocky floor.
The symphony of screams grew more vibrant with each step, guiding us toward the heart of the horror.
I laid the wizard softly onto the wall knowing fighting would be near. Before following the distressed cleric once more
Down a rocky slope, the shadows revealed a horde of ten goblins, charging with murder in their eyes. The narrow tunnel threatened a melee that could spell doom for both me and the frightened cleric trailing behind.
Amid my contemplation, an arrow streaked toward my head, yet my reflexes had transformed into those of a nimble cat. With a deft snatch, I intercepted the projectile, effortlessly breaking its slender form before nonchalantly tossing it aside.
Dexterity rules, I suppose.
A sinister grin etched itself across my face, anticipation for the impending bloodbath seeping through. "My turn," I declared, as the cramped conditions called for the destructive power of Burning Hands.
"By flickering flame and ember's embrace,
In my grasp, the fire's advance.
With hands ablaze, the inferno wakes,
A burning touch, the world it shakes.
Let flames erupt,
A pyre's embrace, swift and abrupt.
In fiery waves, my power expands,
Burning flames."
Calmly, I chanted, channeling mana into my hands. Flames flickered to life as the heat caressed my skin. Mid-chant, I adjusted my aim, ensuring the fiery torrent hit true into the goblin swarm.
"Unleash from my hands."
A torrent of flames erupted violently, incinerating some goblins instantly, while others dropped to the ground, slowly cooking to death, their screams echoing in agony.
Ah, the screams of death truly fill me with delight
With no spell slots left, I hoped the deity overseeing this grim spectacle wouldn't throw something absurd my way. I strolled past the still-burning corpses of the goblins, moving towards where the little cleric's party member was held captive. The once-lively sounds of screams and wails had now been silenced, perhaps signifying the end of this infernal encounter.
I turned to the cleric, noticing the shock written across her face as she witnessed the aftermath of my brutal onslaught on the goblins. With a raised eyebrow, I asked, "You're new to this, aren't you"?
The cleric's voice wavered as she confessed, "I…just started today, sir," admitting after a brief pause. "It was supposed to be an easy mission, that's what the party leader said." She struggled to maintain her composure. "But everything went so wrong, so quickly." Tears hovered at the edge of her blue eyes, threatening to escape.
The stench of decay, disease, and decadence assaulted my now-sensitive nose like a battering ram. It was repulsive, but there was no time for me to lose my lunch. Half-eaten bodies lay in a state of decay at the cave's side, in the center, a goblin stood tall, its muscular arms gripping a large branch as a makeshift club. Behind the Hob, a smaller one stood as it wore a skull trophy on its head, brandishing a staff.
A hob and a goblin mage— I analyzed the situation and realized this wasn't looking No spells left, not even cantrips. Casting a firebolt risks hitting the captives, and the hob is agile enough to dodge. A dire situation unfolds as a pile of young women lies in the background, breathing but visibly marked by the physical abuse they endured.
"Cleric cast another light," I instruct, drawing my blades and sprinting toward the hob. Chants echo from both the front and rear. The hob swings its club, attempting to crush me, but I slide between its legs, taking the chance to chuck a short sword.
The blade finds its mark, sinking into the mage's chest, interrupting the ominous chant.
One down and the cleric's blinding light came online.
That granted me a momentary advantage. I just needed to dodge the brute swing and kill it when it's open just like a soul's boss.
Seemingly sensing my slight at him he brandished his club widely, aiming to cave my chest in.
I couldn't block, I needed to dodge. With my wizard health pool, I knew one strike from a hob could kill me if I was unlucky.
With rogue-like dexterity, I evaded the swing by a hair's breadth took the chance, and aimed at the Hob's left knee. The blade's edge effortlessly reduced flesh and bone to nothing, and a spray of blood stained my clothes as I made the distance. The Hob, disoriented, swung wildly, desperate to make any connection.
I briefly watched the Hob's futile struggle to regain its stance, finding its efforts against gravity both amusing and somewhat comical. And looking for an opening that could be exploited.
Now, let's end its misery, shall we?
I dashed in the second an opening was found. It brought its club down one last time, but a well-timed leap, and I was over its desperate slam. My foot came down forcefully on its club, propelling me higher, and I executed a precise plunge of my blade into its defenseless skull. Twisting my body mid-air I turned the blade into a drill.
The sweet taste of victory turned bitter as a bolt of lightning slammed into my chest, robbing me of breath. I landed with a heavy thud on the ground, the distant screams of the little cleric echoing in the background.
My head felt hazy, my body sluggish. Summoning determination, I lifted my gaze to the goblin mage, now reveling in what it assumed was its triumph.
Overconfidence had its price; I needed to be more cautious. Forcing myself back onto my feet, I approached the lifeless Hob's corpse. This surprised both my adorable little cleric and the goblin mage, who, undeterred, began chanting again, seeking to finish me off. As if I would allow that.
Extracting the blade from the hob's cranium, I unleashed my short sword with precision. It sailed through the air, finding its mark and permanently silencing the goblin mage.
In the dimly lit cavern, the air shimmered with arcane energy as my spell book unhooked itself from the chains on my belt. A soft, ethereal glow emanated from its pages as it floated upward, flipping open with a life of its own.
With a mysterious whisper in the devil's tongue, the grimoire congratulated me, its pages turning with a swift dance. "Congratulations, traveler, for successfully navigating the tutorial. You have leveled up, May your journey be long and plentiful."
The words echoed in the cavern, a strange blend of enchantment and eerie silence. The magical tome continued its mesmerizing display, inviting me to acknowledge the newfound strength that awaited me in the pages of my character's destiny.
I think that's the mission complete.
And with that Thank you for Reading Chapter 1 of my new fanfic. It's been a while since I last wrote something so please do tell me if you think I can improve. All criticism is welcomed.
From your tired and lazy writer. See you all around the updated schedule. Whenever I'm not busy, I'll try to get at least 1-2 chapters out a week. Writing is the easy part, editing it to make it readable is a whole other monster.
Ps. It's not a self-insert :(
