Collage

It's my first day of college and things are already fucked up. Although I can't say I'm surprised. Things like this has been happening my whole life. Thanks to one little itty bitty picture has me as a baby inside my mother's stomach. The physician was sure I was a boy. My parents bought a ton of boy stuff they painted over home and picked out a name even had the name printed on things. When I came out to little girl they were more than surprised. They decided to keep all the boys stuff with the name James on it and just call me James on paper. Mom and Dad refer to me as their little jay bird not that that's much better. Thanks to my legal name I am constantly confused for a boy and now a man.

My hands are full and I'm trying to explain to this person that I'm in the wrong dorm. However mister I don't give a damn over here won't even look at me. " no switching dorms" he says "all room placemats are final" "get out of my face" "stop bugging me" "I've got more important things to do than deal with you" Such a jerk. Whatever. Most people mistake me for a guy even wants looking at me I might as well make the most of it.

627

That's my dorm. I wonder what kind of horny collage boy I'll be staying with.

I walk in and put my stuff down on the open bed.

"hey I'm James," I say to the man in the room.

"yoh, I'm Anthony but you can call me Tony. What's your major?"

"Phycology, you?"

"undecided, I'm here on a sports scholarship. so I've got time to figure it out."

"cool, so I'm going put my stuff up now."

"right.?." he is laying on the bed throwing a baseball up and catching it. He noticed my pink shoes that I'm still wearing while standing on the bed to hang up my posters.

I've got several band posters. There all groups with a male lead. Then there is my cat calendar.

"dude are you gay? like no big deal don't care just like give me a heads up. " Tony awkwardly says.

sigh "I am attracted to men, but you don't have to worry about it, I'm single, and not looking." I respond.

" Ahh bad break up? well when you get over it no checking me out ok?" Tony response.

I laugh a little to my self. He is totally my type but it's clearly never going to work.

"sorry no promises" I laugh.

"for real man" Tony

"YOLO man YOLO..." I'm dieing after a minute I get serious "No man for real I'm good."

"good you had me worried for a second."

"so I'm all set want to order food? My treat?"

"What we eating?"

"Pizza!"

"Yes!"

After pizza and a couple episodes with that dragon Lady. Tony starts talking all funny.

"I've got the best roommate ever!"

"How so?"

"You got me food, you won't steal my girlfriend if I ever get one, haven't ever had a serious relationship... Shit that came out."

"I'm surprised good looking guy like you?"

"hey I said no checking me out. "

"I'm not I'm not it's obvious that you're good looking."

"anyways, you are cool man."

"thanks your cool to."

I'm not sure what that was all about. maybe he slap happy or something it's not like we're drinking or smoking anything. it's not even that late either. maybe he just really wanted to get it off his chest that he's never been in a real relationship?

"I'll go to bed now" I tell him tomorrow is the first day of classes after all

"k, I'm finishing the pizza."

"cool."

I ordered way too much pizza for two people.

It's to bad Tony doesn't find me attractive. He is tall and muscular.. He has dark brown hair, tan skin and green eyes. He really is very attractive. Of course he doesn't find me attractive. I live in this old sweatshirt. I keep short hair. I mean for a guy it would be kind of long but for a girl it short. My baggie pants don't help. I just like to be comfortable.

I never did admit to being a guy though. I also never said I was gay. Just that I am attracted to men which is true. If Tony didn't seem like such a good guy I could have a lot of fun messing with them. After all if I didn't like messing with people's minds I wouldn't be a psychology major.

The oversized hoodie belong to my big brother she died last year I haven't really taken the hoodie off sense other than to wash it. That's what I cut my hair short because the long hair just looked messy in the hoodie. It wasn't anybody's fault a deer jumped out in front of his car and that was the end. He wasn't making any special trips wasn't drinking it wasn't raining there's nothing to blame. A lot of times I wish there was. I want something to hate I want something to blame for taking my brother. I haven't dated since. He was in the vehicle with his longtime girlfriend. They lived together they're planning on getting married talking about starting a family. They met their senior year, and had been dating for 5 years.

They kept saying they wanted to make sure they were ready. They wanted to get their life ready before focusing on their happiness. They wanted to get a house and they did wanted to get a car and they did wanted to finish getting their college degrees and they did. all that was left was for them to focus on being happy with each other. Now they're both gone. One second thought here and the next seconds are gone. I guess I could blame the stupid deer but the deer died too. I miss my brother a lot. He always looked out for me. I fall asleep.