Part 9

"Ashley, I mean….. you are my….well I mean..", I was stuttering.

"No, I am not your mother, technically I am nothing to you, other than your father's former wife.", she said calmly.

"Well isn't that enough ?", I said, grasping at anything I could hold on to.

"Maybe, maybe not.", she replied.

I just looked at her, I didn't know what to do, nor what to say. If I admitted that I had these strange feelings for her and she didn't feel that way towards me, what would she think. Would she freak out, thinking her step son had sexual feelings for her. Throw in the fact that she was ten years older than me, it got very weird.

"Ashley, what do you want to say ?", I asked, almost begging for relief.

"I want you to tell the truth Brian, that's all.", she answered.

No matter what I did, she was not going to let me off of the hook. I guess this conversation had been a long time coming, it was time to lay it all out of the line, discuss it thoroughly, then she could explain to me why my feelings although maybe natural, needed to be stored away forever.

"Ok, ok Ashley. I will admit it, I have thought of you many times in that way. And yes, I guess I was sort of jealous tonight watching you with Bill, even though I really have no right to be. I mean ... you are so damn beautiful….. I can't help but ..you know…sometimes look at you in that way….especially when you wear the wrong clothes…." I replied.

"Wrong clothes ?", she asked.

"Not wrong clothes, stuff that just shows more of you than I really need to see.", I admitted.

"Oh, I see. Night clothes, stuff like that ?", she inquired.

"Uh huh.", I said, nodding my head.

"So what exactly do you think about, when you think of me I mean.", she said, coyly.

"You know what I think about Ashley, geez, help me out here.", I responded.

"Well we have a problem then. A big problem as far as I can tell.", she said in a low tone.

"I'm sorry Ashley, I really am. I mean you asked me to be honest. And it's not like it's all I do is think of you. It's not all of the time, only once in a while.", I answered quickly.

"Yes I did ask you to be honest, after all.", she answered.

We just sat there for a few moments, it seemed like a lot longer, the silence overwhelming, before she finally spoke again.

"Maybe I need to be honest with you Brian. After all, I am supposedly the adult here, by age at least.", she started.

"Remember the night, I came into your room …..You were…. How do I say this ? Um ...….. Oh hell, you were masterbating, later you told me, you were thinking of me. Remember that ? " she asked.

"Yes, I am sorry Ashley.", I said, ashamed.

"Don't be. I was extremely flattered. In fact to be honest with you, I have done the exact same thing thinking of you. Many times since then in fact.", she said, looking dead into my eyes.

I could feel the blood rushing to my face, my throat was dry, I was having difficulty breathing. This gorgeous woman, someone who could have any man she wanted, was actually telling me she actually had fantasies about me.

"You looked shocked Brian.", she continued, "Don't be, you're an incredibly attractive young man, you also have a body any woman would die for. Of course you know that, you spend enough time in the gym.", she continued.

"I dunno, I guess…. Um…", I stuttered.

"You don't think women have the same thoughts as men do ? Trust me, I have seen a lot of women look at you and I know what they are thinking. They are wondering what it would be like to get you into bed.", she said, "When you look at me Brian, what do you think of."

"Oh geez, I mean…I … well, you have an unbelievable body, you're so pretty and….", I stammered.

"Well, we think the same thing Brian. There's nothing wrong with that.", she told me.

Again we had that awkward pause in the conversation that we had a few minutes ago. Maybe that���s all, maybe we are done I thought. Just as I thought we were Ashley continued.

"So now what we need to do Brian, is figure out how to handle these feelings.", she said.

"What do you mean ?", I asked.

"Well do we end this conversation tonight, forget everything that was said and try to act normal. Or do we maybe figure out an arrangement that works for both of us, but an arrangement that makes sure, neither of us can get hurt.", she replied.

"I don't know what you mean…. by an arrangement,", I inquired, softly.

"What I mean is, there are things we can do together to…., um we can help each other relieve these feelings, maybe make each other feel better, so to speak.", she offered, "What do you think ?"

"I think I feel very weird right now Ashley.", I told her.

"I can understand that, I feel the same way to some degree. But lately I have had this overwhelming desire to be close to you. I'm not sure if it's because you remind me so much of your Father. Or maybe I have been so long without a man, add the fact that well you're… you know extremely attractive and I'm pretty worked up sometimes. Do you understand any of what I am saying ?", she asked.

"Yes, somewhat Ashley. Sometimes when we are here watching TV at night, I have a hard time concentrating on anything other than you. That's why I get up and go to bed sometimes.", I answered.

Ashley then reached out and took my hand in hers, squeezing it gently. Her hand felt so warm, so soft, my heart was racing. I looked up into her face, her large brown eye's sparkling, her gaze fixed on mine. I swallowed hard, I was having difficulty breathing, I felt like I was moving, off balance, even though I was seated.

"Brian, would you mind if I kissed you ?", she asked in a bashful tone, her eyes moving away from mine.

My senses were spinning, my heart pounding, I had never in my life felt this way around a girl, I was scared to death. I squeezed Ashley's hand causing her to look back into my eyes.

"Ashley, I am afraid if you kiss me, I won't be able to stop kissing you. I'm afraid of what might happen.", I told her.

"Maybe I won't ask you to stop.", she said, as she swallowed hard.

I sat there for a few seconds just staring at this gorgeous creature, her hand in mine, wondering if I should take the most dangerous step I had ever taken in my life. Perhaps ten seconds later, Ashley put the situation out of mind as she leaned over and ever so gently, touched her lips to mine. I cannot describe adequately the feelings that were coursing through my body. She reached up with one hand and rested it on the back of my neck as she held my mouth against hers for what seemed like minutes instead of a few fleeting seconds. She finally gently pulled way from me, but her face was still only inches from mine, her eyes locked into mine, the fingers on her hand gently stroking the back of my neck. I just sat there staring at her, my mind still lost in the previous kiss.

"You ok ?", she asked me, in a soft whisper.

I couldn't speak, my mouth was as dry as the desert, my thoughts were scrambled. All I could do was shake my head up and down like a rag doll, acknowledging my approval. I saw a smile creep across her face in response to my nod, she took my hand, which was still in hers and lifted it to her cheek. In response I began to gently caress her cheek, in response she closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again, a slight mist forming.

"Brian, every fiber of my being is crying out for you to take me, forget everything and everyone, just live for this moment. Please tell me you feel the same way I do, or I will get up right now, walk away and we will never speak of this again.", she said.

Deep down, I knew what the answer was, at least what it should have been. I needed to let her walk away, forget this night had ever gotten to this point. There was absolutely no way a relationship, even based on just sex, could possibly end in anything postive. But sometimes, even though your mind tells you what to do, the heart takes over, doing the exact opposite. It took maybe fifteen seconds or so, then my life changed in one instant, I crossed a line I could never go back across. I leaned over and pulled Ashley into my arms, my lips finding hers, this time in a long passionate kiss. When I pulled from her, I saw a tear running down her cheek, her eyes were filled with tears.

"Ashley are you ok ? What's wrong ?", I asked sincerely.

"Nothing's wrong Brian, just kiss me.", she whispered.

Once again our lips met, my arms wrapped tight around her upper body. . For the first time I felt the tip of her tongue touch my upper lip, I parted my mouth slightly, inviting her to continue. She gently eased more of her tongue between my lips, my own finding hers quickly. I can't describe the feelings that I was experiencing, it seemed like a dream, I was hoping to never wake from. She finally pulled away from me, resting her head on my chest. I ran my fingers through her hair slowly, enjoying the warmth of her body on mine. She stayed that way for several minutes, until I thought I sensed she was crying. I tilted my head to the side trying to see her face. She lifted her head from my chest her eyes looking into mine, tears streaming down her face. She jumped up quickly from the sofa, an anguished look on her face.

"Oh God Brian, I am so sorry, I just can't…..", she stopped and ran for her bedroom, closing the door behind her loudly.

I just sat there stunned, what had just happened? Everything up to that point she had put into motion, or at least it seemed that she had. I got up and slowly walked down the hallway to her bedroom door. I stopped and listened for a second, I heard nothing.

"Ashley, are you ok ?", I asked.

"Please Brian, I need to be alone, I'm so sorry.", she yelled through the door.