4 Chapter 4 - Phil Duels A Padlock Into Submission

After almost half an hour of trying to figure out what he could actually do for fun on the island, Phil gave up and returned to his room.

Damn. No fishing gear, no surfboards, or jet skis, and a deserted beach. Guess I should have expected that from getting let out early from class. Suppose it's the same as it was back in college, where if you took afternoon classes only there would be no one to hang out in the mornings – because everyone else decided to take morning classes. What a fucking drag.

Still, it could be worse, Phil supposed, as he kicked the door to his dorm room open. As expected, not much happening in the room, either.

Except…

"What the fuck are you doing in my room, lady? I can't imagine this place does coed rooms, it ain't cool enough for that." Phil snarked out towards the tanned woman in a white dress that was only just now recovering from the shock of Phil kicking the door open.

The woman stared back at him, smoothed her dress out, and then resolutely stood up to face him.

"Phillip Jenson, I apologize for being unable to provide advanced notice, but I have come here in regard to a verbal contract that you will need to finish hearing out between you and the spirit world. As it was already mostly explained by our courtesy phone call, I'll cover the other par-"

Phil was mildly impressed by how quickly the woman was able to exchange her surprise with a veneer of professionalism, but with how quickly her spiel seemed to be going into telemarketer territory he interrupted her anyways.

"Hey, hey lady, I kinda don't give a fuck. Now, I also don't care what you're doing in my room, but I'm currently hella bored. So, unless you have something fun to do on this alcohol-less island, I'd suggest you get the hell out of dodge before I call security on you for breaking into my room."

The tanned woman pinched her brow, taking a singular deep breath before composing herself once more.

"I apologize, sir, but I cannot leave until you either accept or decline the terms of service. Company policy, unfortunately. Also, as I am a duel spirit, the… 'security'… as you put it, will simply not be able to see or interact with me. Not unless they have duel spirits as well, but to my knowledge that privilege is reserved to a select few students on this island."

"Huh." Phil raised his eyebrows. A duel spirit this early in the game. Who'da thunk. Still, the lady's reactions were far too amusing to give the game up this early.

"Duel spirits, then?" Phil snapped his fingers, pretending to have a revelation. "Ooohhh, no wonder! You must be… yeah you're familiar, I've seen your card before…" He made a big show of thinking, and then brightened up as he reached an answer. "Right! You're my homie Frog the Jam! Or is it Slime Frog these days? I don't know, do the errata's in my old world change anything over here? Ah, doesn't matter, I'm a frog guy anyways, my slimy brothers are always welcome. Say, everyone else is still in class, how about we break into one of the professor's rooms to try and steal some beer? I can't find a single liquor store on this damn island and boy, do I have a strong urge to wipe out the taste of soap in my mouth!"

"You… you… you infuria-" The woman took several more deep breaths, and somehow managed to calm herself down once more, a feat that impressed even Phil himself.

"No, I'm not a frog. My name is Lumina, of the Lightsworn family. It is my job to assist reincarnators and transmigrators in adjusting to their new lives, along with providing them clear mission objectives to allow them a second chance at their old life. Please, I beg you, hear me out! Plea- where are you going?" Lumina stopped ranting as Phil performed an about face and walked out of the dorm room.

"Please see reason! Stop and listen to me, but for a single minute!" She begged, grabbing onto Phil's arm until a burst of killing intent flooded through the secondary deck box clipped to his waist. She nervously jumped back, her focus claimed by a single, amphibious eye that now poked out of the box, watching her with murderous intent.

"Okay, okay, big guy. No hands on the human. I get it, no need to get that angry." Lumina whispered in as soothing of a voice that she could muster. Thankfully, to her relief, the eye blinked once and then disappeared.

Phil, however, ignored all of that. His mission, that he absolutely chose to accept since all the professors were busy holding lectures, was to get some fucking grog and get proper shitfaced. Sure, it was cool that a card he was quite familiar with through his time playing EDISON format was talking with him, but he had certain… priorities to take care of first.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Some time later, Phil crouched outside a room that, according to the nameplate, was Professor Banner's office. He knew a little about the guy, but not much. The head teacher or something for Slifer Red, an alchemist, and… Phil scratched his head in thought. Wasn't he also revealed to be a bad guy? Well, lets hope he's also soon to be revealed to have a nice liquor stash.

Beside him, Lumina stood nervously, also in a crouched position despite the fact that she claimed no one but other duel spirits and their partners could see her.

"Sir… Phil… please just step away from the door… we can talk about this, right? Or, if you just say yes or no to the terms, I can be on my way and you can break into however many rooms as you want! What do you say… buddy?" Lumina begged him from where she crouched, the word 'buddy' feeling rather uncomfortable slipping out of her mouth.

Phil looked back at her, scoffing at her fears. She was too fun to tease, and besides, if he got in a duel it would be helpful to have a duel spirit to provide protection from that ancient dark magic crap that shadow games tended to have.

"Naw. I ain't no pussy. You know what I always say? Go big, or go home. And since its literally impossible for me to go home right now as I am dead on Earth, I'm going fucking big." And without saying another word, Phil stealthily forced the door open with his shoulder.

Wow. Not even a single lock. Arrogant fella.

Or he probably just doesn't expect to have his beer stolen by a bunch of kids.

Phil shrugged his shoulders. He really didn't care which one it was. And then, ignoring Lumina's almost pitiful pleas for him to do boring things like 'see reason' and 'listen to her', he tip-toed into Professor Banner's office to check out the goods.

Hm. Nothing under the desk, no obvious beer coolers. Now… back in college, where did I hide the beer from the RAs? Ah, that's right. A padlocked bottom drawer I could pretend I had forgotten the key for.

"Oh. That might be it." Phil softly muttered to himself upon seeing a locked cabinet. "Oi Jam, you got a pick or a hammer? Or a universal key for… let's see… Musterlock?"

"What?" Lumina sputtered, looking at Phil like he was a madman. "I… My name is Lumina! And no! I don't carry around thieves tools!"

Phil shook his head in mock pity, ignoring her mutterings of 'what did your mom teach you' and 'should be ashamed of yourself'.

It was going to be the interesting way, then. But also the fun way, Phil reminded himself as he snagged a paperclip from Banner's desk, fashioning it into a simple line with a mock-handle at the end.

"Hm… gotta channel my best lawyer…" Phil muttered as he began to work the lock, leaning down so it was right next to his ear. "Nothing on one… that one's loose… not too hard…" Lumina furrowed her brow, watching him like he was a lunatic, until finally Phil looked up at her with a grin.

"Looks like the lawyer with the lockpick is in your house." He smugly said to her as the lock clicked open and the contents of the cabinet were revealed. "Now… lets see… strange vials, I'll take one for later. Might be explosive or a fun drug. Freaky skull, could be a funny prank but I'll pass. Aha!" Phil gave himself a soft cheer. "Fun juice located. That's one beer for me, one bottle of vodka, and a handle of whiskey. Thank you, prof, for your donations to the party fund."

Phil turned to Lumina, forcing the bottle of beer and the whiskey into her arms, before turning back to the cabinet to push a small stack of bills onto one of the shelves.

"That should make the loss not as bad for him, so let's fuck off before the coppers catch wind of us."

Lumina looked blankly at Phil as he dashed out of the office cackling like a madman, before sighing in defeat and following him before the door closed.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Later that night, Lumina sat with her hands around her knees as she prodded Phil, who by her count had drunk so much alcohol that she debated whether or not he would be alive in the morning.

"Sir… Phil… Please, just say yes or no. I just want to go back to the office and clock out…" Lumina poked Phil sadly, knowing by now that she was unlikely to get a response.

"Whaaaaaa…" Phil drunkenly slurred towards her, and then switched his attention to the view from the window. "Che, check it out Lumie-Lumie… hehheh… good one. Nice one Phillie. Check it out! My mannnnnnnn, my hoooommmiiieee, Jaden, ish going out with dat roid kid to pick up chicsh!"

Lumina sighed in defeat. "Yes, Phil. The boy with the Winged Kuriboh duel spirit appears to be going somewhere late at night with his friend. That's very nice, Phil."

"FUCK YEAH!" Phil shouted as he teetered to a stand, one hand on Lumina's head to keep himself steady. "Fuckin' man right~? Fuckin' knows what he wantssss~. I'll, I'll be back Lumie, gotta support my homieeee."

One foot advancing at a time, Phil unsteadily walked into the hall as Lumina looked on in exasperation, an internal conflict raging within her on whether or not to follow him.

Maybe I can convince him to agree while he's still drunk… not like it's worked so far, though. She wondered to herself as Phil gradually moved out of sight. What to do…

And then Phil's room phone rang, startling Lumina to the point that she backpedaled a few feet before she realized the source of the noise.

"H-hello" She picked up the receiver and questioned with confusion in her voice.

"Lumina? This is Raiden. The boss wants a report." A familiar male voice answered her with a professional, clipped tone.

"Evening, Raiden. Sorry. He still refuses to give me an answer…" Lumina responded, defeat lacing her every word. Even though Raiden couldn't see her, Lumina's head still moved forwards in a bow of apology.

A few tense moments of silence followed, as Raiden's faint voice conversed with a third party she was unable to hear, until finally he spoke to her again.

"I see. Sorry about this, Lumina, but order's come in from the top."

Lumina gulped. "You mean, Michael's got involved?"

"What? No. He's still out golfing with those fellas from the Dark World Company. We aren't expecting him back until Tuesday, not until he's closed up that merger. No, this is from… you know what, he's just going to tell you himself."

The phone crackled a few times and Lumina brushed aside a bead of sweat before another voice came out from the phone.

"Bark bark! Yip bark woof! Woof woof WOOF!" Lumina flinched upon hearing each damning word, her complexion worsening until the other party became so angered that the phone was slammed onto some sort of hard surface, cutting the call entirely. Lumina shivered, gently setting down the phone and bowing apologetically towards it once more.

"Yes sir, I'll take care of the case myself, Lord Ryko. I'll keep him on track until Yubel and the Light of Destruction have been resolved."

And then, after carefully hanging the phone onto its receiver, Lumina grabbed the nearest pillow, mushed it onto her face, and screamed into it.