Self protection
After much questioning and concern, Elizabeth still wasn't willing to tell them anything. In silence she continued to pack and kept insisting that there was nothing wrong and that nothing special had happened. Even if she had anything to tell, she wasn't willing to tell her story with Jenny present. Jenny felt her reluctance and addressed the elephant in the room. "Elizabeth, I know we haven't always gotten along, but I meant what I said to George. I can tell that you are serious about Nick and knowing you have someone else is enough for me to let bygones be bygones. Whether you want to believe me or not is up to you, but right now I am sitting here out of genuine concern for you and nothing more or less. You and I both know that now that you and Nick are involved, we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other and I hope that when we do it will be as friends. If you don't want to trust me right now and you feel more comfortable telling your story without me here, I don't mind leaving. However I do think that we have a lot more in common than we might think and that I will be able to understand you and help you, but the decision is yours."
Elizabeth looked Jenny in the eyes as she spoke and could not spot a trace of mocking or dishonesty and decided to make this vacation one of trust. In the end it had been her that had done something wrong to Jenny in the past and not the other way around. If she was really willing to allow her back in their friend group and was even willing to say so in front of the other girls, she should return the olive branch. The idea of gaining some actual friends made her feel warm inside. If that could be combined with losing an enemy, that would be even greater. So with some hesitation she started speaking. Ignoring Jenny's questions. "I..No, we did something I regret.." Seeing that she was finally willing to speak, they all adjusted their positions so they were directed at Elizabeth and waited anxiously for her to continue. "We..We got carried away in the moment and ended up sleeping together." A gasp filled the room. "Wow really?! That is huge..Why do you regret it?" Sophia asked. Julia agreed and said "Yeah, don't you love each other? It is a bit soon, but if it's with the right person.."
Where Julia and Sophia didn't seem to understand Elizabeth's source of concern, Jenny who had observed Elizabeth during this week, saw things a bit differently. It was clear that Elizabeth had liked Nick from the beginning, but was holding herself back. That self protection was something she was all too familiar with. "Let me ask you, is it the act itself you regret or how soon it happened after you got together? Because if you regret the act itself, then that means that Nick isn't the right person for you, but if it was simply too soon and the trust was not where you wanted it to be yet, then things can still be saved. With Nick's past no one can blame you for being afraid of moving too fast." While Elizabeth was still looking at Jenny in disbelieve, Sophia replied on her behalf. "Why would she not trust Nick. Sure he has been a playboy, but he has said that life goodbye for her. They have known each other for so long. She knows he isn't a bad person, he isn't someone who would hurt her." Jenny kept looking at Elizabeth and simply said "The heart doesn't understand reason. Being in love is giving your heart to another person and hoping they won't break it. Just because the other person doesn't intend to hurt you, doesn't mean they won't. And if your heart has been damaged before, the fear of it being broken beyond repair, enhances the fear of trusting once more. It seems to me that your heart has some scars and you are afraid, am I right?"
Elizabeth was amazed. How could Jenny speak all the words she was unable to speak out. How could she know the feeling in her heart so well. She was completely right and that is exactly what she was trying to convey to Nick. She knew he would never intentionally hurt her. If he had wanted to hurt her, he would have been able to do so plenty of times before. But there was a difference between knowing something and making yourself believe it. It was her fear of him hurting her, of him leaving her, of him falling back to his playboy ways, that made her regret what they had done. They hadn't been together long enough as a couple for her to trust him to stay with her. It had taken her a lot to try and trust a guy again and he was supposed to be the guy to repair her heart and make her trust men again.
She figured that if she didn't sleep with him and if she didn't give her all to him, then even if it didn't work out, she could still pretend that nothing had happened between them. She could still close off her heart once more, with the possibility of it opening up to someone else. If however she slept with him and showed him all her vulnerability, and he rejected her or left her, then her heart would break completely and it would make her unable to ever trust again. Without a sense of security that he saw them together in the long run, there was always the possibility of him changing his mind about them. That was why she was overcome with such fear in the morning, despite being willing that night. She realized he had too much power over her and she had given him too much of herself too soon. She had fallen too deep. Having her happiness in the hands of another was a very scary thing. Finally finding someone who understood her fears, in the person she had least expected, made the tears she had been holding back roll down her face once more...