In the first place

Jason's thoughts were disturbed by a knock on the door. Shortly after Jason had returned home, Jenny went back up to the room as well. Wanting to ask Jason about what his kisses meant. If she had been awake, it would have been clear. As she had told him about how he could let her know that he was willing to work on their relationship but since he had done it when he thought she was asleep, things weren't as certain anymore. But when she entered the room and saw the distant look on his face, she knew that him intending to let her know he wanted to work on it wasn't the message he was trying to convey. So, the hope she had built up, thinking they might have gotten closer after she had taken care of him all night and him having kissed the marks he had left on her as well as her lips, was thrown out of the window. It was clear that Jason seemed to think differently.

But even if that wasn't the meaning, she needed to know what was. Under his cold stare she walked in and started a conversation. "Hi. How was your day? Are you feeling better now?" No reaction. "Have you eaten yet? Want to have dinner together?" Again silence. "Maybe we can take a walk after dinner and have a talk. There is a lot we need to discuss." After she was ignored a third time, Jenny got serious.

"Come on Jace...Please stop this. You can yell at me. Cuss at me. Be mad all you want, but can you stop behaving this way? How are we supposed to resolve things if you won't talk to me? Do you really need to hit me in order to forgive me?"

But again Jason's words came out before he could think them over. "I don't have anything that needs resolving. I just need you to give up, to stop talking and go away."

With the last shred of hope, Jenny asked with a voice that seemed at the verge of breaking, "How can I go away when you are so mad at me? I am willing to apologize however many times necessary. Just talk with me okay?"

Jason started to become impatient. "Just stop okay! I am not mad at you. I was never mad at you in the first place." Jason said, surprising Jenny fully.

A bit lost Jenny asked, "Why are you avoiding me then? Why do you keep pushing me away? Wasn't it because you are angry with me?"

This was when Jason appeared to have snapped. He turned around with reddened eyes that seemed to scream all the words he had kept inside as he said, "Because I am scared okay! You want to talk, fine let's talk! You keep saying things like 'angry' and 'mad', but I was never mad at you in the first place. The person I am mad at is me. I am mad at my own weakness for being hopeless without you. I am mad that I had forgiven you the moment I saw you sitting there at that table. I am mad that I can't seem to be mad at you no matter how much you hurt me. I am mad that I was willing to accept you with open arms and forget all that has happened in a heartbeat, the moment I heard you call out my name." After a brief silence he continued with a calmer tone of voice.

"But... I am also terrified that if I do accept you into my life again and allow things to go back to the way they were, that you will leave me again at some point. You leaving me the first time completely shattered me, till the point that I was at one point closer to death than being alive. The remaining days I threw myself at work to make sure that I wouldn't go insane. If I take you back and you decide to leave me again, I don't think I would be able to overcome that. So, please leave me be." After saying those words, he walked away through the dividing door and headed into the bedroom. When he passed the dividing door he saw that this room had been cleaned up as well. He dropped his jacket on the bed before sitting down on the made up bed while he tried to calm himself down. He felt a sense of relief now that he had said those words out loud. It was true. He might have been a bit angry at the very beginning, but that was quickly pushed aside by wanting to take her back and shortly after that fear washed over him. Making him push her away.

Jenny was at a complete loss for words after hearing Jason's reason for holding her at an arms length. Feeling all the pain that was coming from Jason's words, stabbing her over and over. Holding back her own tears she walked to the dividing door. Her hands were against the door and she was about to push it open, but she held herself back and went back to her own room instead. Even if she had pushed that door open, she wouldn't know what to say. So, instead of possibly making matters worse, she chose to retreat. She needed to calm down and give Jason the chance to do the same. She couldn't expect him to not be affected by her leaving so suddenly and she couldn't ask him to just forget it ever happened. It had happened and this just meant that she had to work even harder to regain his trust. At least he didn't hate her and that was comforting in a sense. Though anger was easier to fix than trust, she needed to hold onto that piece of positive news to keep herself going.