Escapades of the drunken spider! Part 3
"Steve stop distracting me! We have no time to waste! The greatest adventures *hicc* waits for no one!!!" I say while shaking angry dude in my excitement. Causing him to go slack and begin foaming from the mouth. I guess he is still unreasonably angry, now he is even frothing from the mouth?! Seriously who does that??? This guy needs some serious anger management counseling!
"But *hicc* where do adventures be?" My Steve in crime ask, causing me to freeze.
He is right! Where can a spider find an exciting adventure? Then it strikes me like a bolt from the blue, the perfect idea for an adventure!
"I know where adventure be! *hicc* we must take the tower of the great evil fish and plant our flag Steve!" I tell my new companion.
"Fish??? Like in Fisk tower? The king pin?!" Steve asks in an unsure tone.
"Yep *hicc* it's gonna be glorious! We are gonna be having us a proper adventure Steve! Not just some boring old tale *hicc* of how we ran from the police! We are gonna be legends Steve!!!" I say, while grabbing Steve and running to the exit
"Wahhh?"! Steve exclaims in surprise, while angry dude is just kinda hanging? well it's good he finally relaxed!
As we make it out the door I think I heard a stoic voice saying something about not leaving blood on the floor? Meh couldn't be for us.
As I keep on dragging Steve and angry guy towards new adventures! Steve suddenly begins complaining.
"Wait, wait, wait isn't he the guy who has an entire army of gangsters under his thumb?" Steve says with an inquisitive look on his face.
"Yep *hicc* the very same" I answer Steve while dragging him in the chosen direction!
"Yoooo *hicc* you sure we can take em? There is two of us, and 1, 2, 3… many of them!" Steve asks sounding unsure? Is Stevie boy doubting my power?! We can't have that now! Also who wait a moment! We aren't too we also have angry dude!
"Not with that attitude we won't! Also we are three *hicc *not two!" I say while proudly lifting angry dude, and waving him in front of Steve's face.
Steve just gives angry dude a deadpan stare…
"You sure we can *hicc* trust him? He doesn't look that reliable *hicc* I wouldn't trust him further than I can throw him!" Steve says while evaluating angry dude.
"Also do you even *hicc* know where you are going?" Inquisitive Steve asks.
"Hu? To Adventure obviously? Where did you *hicc* think we were going? Also I can throw him pretty far, so it will be fine!" I answer Steve.
Steve narrows his eyes while looking at me, then he says "prove it" in a challenging tone. "Oh it's on!" I say while getting ready to send angry dude to the moon!
…
Also Is my Steve being sassy? I can't believe my Steve is giving me sass!
Regardless I let go of Steve and get into a pitching stand. Then I bury my fingers into angry dudes back to get a better grip. I tens my muscles, causing my muscles to bulge and veins to pop out all over my body. "Booom" with a massive bang of displaced air I launch angry dude above the rooftops… Or at least part of him? He kinda flew apart when I launched him… Ops… I'm not cleaning that up! Even if it smells nice!
In any case I look over to Steve to gauge his reaction. He's just kinda staring into space, with his eye twitching… So is that a good sign, or not?
"Steve?" I say in an effort to get his attention… without any real success, he just keeps staring into space! Is Steve rebooting? Did Steve .exe stop working? Or maybe he's watching something super interesting???
I follow his line of sight, and begin looking into space. It doesn't really seem like anything is happening in this direction… But Steve must've seen something right?
"You know… Ma always told me… There is more to this world then what we first see, miracles are often hidden in plain sight… I *hicc* always thought she was crazy, but I think I get what she meant now…" Steve says in a strange melancholic tone.
"That's a surprisingly accurate *hicc* way to describe this universe" I say while still trying to figure out what Steve is seeing. Ah ha I got it! Steve is having a flashback! So this is what it looks like. The one who is having a flashback will just kind of stare into space? Well, I can do that too!
I start squinting at the air to look more intensely into the air… It doesn't really seem to be working. I mean, I definitely didn't start a flashback. Wait what was I doing again? Oh yeah I was planning to attack kingpin!
"Steveeeee! We have no time for flashbacks! We have an evil fish to beat!" I say while flailing my arms, causing a half decent gust of wind to form.
"Oh are we still doing that? *hicc*" Steve says while looking a bit confused.
"Yes of course we are *hicc*! Why wouldn't we?" I almost shout. Like seriously that's been the plan the whole time! I mean what else would we do, flip over random cars?… Actually that sounds pretty entertaining, I suppose we could do both?
"Yooooo, but how are we gonna take the tower, with two people?" Steve asks.
"What do you mean two people *hicc*, we also have angry… Oh right…" I say as I look over at the massive red stain.
"Yeh *hicc* you kinda threw him apart…" Steve says looking a bit nervous?
Why would he be nervous? Oh of course!!! We no longer have three people! You need three people to take down evil dudes with connections in the government! Like the three musketeers, and that fourth guy! Wait wouldn't that mean we actually need four people?! No no no it's called the three musketeers, so we obviously need three people!
"Um if we really need three people… I know a guy *hicc*… He's kind of a wimp, but he owes me money. So maybe you can persuade him?" Steve asked not sounding entirely sure about his proposal for some reason? Maybe Steve is just shy about his ideas? Yeh that's probably it!
"And where might we procure said wimpy boy, o great sir Steve?" I asked in my best attempt of a British accent, while simultaneously stroking my nonexistent beard.
Steve blinked a few times before finally saying "he should live about three streets from here".
"Great! to the rooftops *hicc*!" I shouted and began speed climbing up the nearest wall. As I reached the top however, there was something missing? Something important! I looked around trying to pinpoint what was missing, till it hit me. Where is Steve?
"Steve!" I shouted.
"Yoooo, I'm down here!" Came the answer. Which is just silly, because he should clearly be on the roof? I am certain I shouted to the rooftops! So why is there no Steve here?
Nevertheless I looked down, just to see a confused Steve! Standing at the bottom of the building, looking lost!??
"What you doing *hicc* down there? get up here Steve!" I shouted down to the bewildered Steve.
"Yooooo *hicc* I can't stick to walls like you!" He shouts back. Which is just confusing??? I'm fairly sure I can't stick to walls… Or can I? Nahhh, I feel like I tried that already!
"What do you mean??? I can't stick to walls either I just climb!" I shout back.
"Really!? But can't you like grow spider legs or some shit! *Hicc*" Comes an almost immediate reply from Steve.
Hu I don't think I ever actually tried that? Maybe I could do a whole Arachne thing, and turn my lower half into a spider?! That would be cool!!! Well, nothing ventured nothing gained! Arachne transformation gooooo!!!
…
It actually worked. My lower body is currently a giant white spider! Cool! But um, where are my pants??? Didn't I have them on before? Where did they go? Maybe Steve knows!
"Steveeeeee! Where are my pants? *hicc*" I shout down to the street level Steve!
"Ummmm, don't you have them on?" He shouts back.
I look down, but the only thing I see is my newly acquired spider body!
"No they disappeared?!!" I reply to Steve!
"So you don't have anything on down there…" He asks dumbly. I mean that's what I just said, they are gone!
"No nothing they are completely gone!" I never the less still answer him.
"Can I see?" he asks sounding kind of hopeful?
"Sure??? You can *hicc*, but there is nothing to see, that's kinda the problem here!" I answer.
I start utilizing my new spider body to climb over the railing, at the edge of the roof. Simultaneously concluding that I can indeed stick to walls! Suck it walls! I am no longer confined to using brut strength to scale you!!! I'm a proper spider now! Not just some insignificant pretender! Hmmmm? Is it just me, or does Steve look kinda pale?
"Ay yooooo wtf, how da hell did you become fused to a giant spider!!!" Steve screams, almost making me jump in shock! Luckily my new spider feet sticks perfectly to the wall. "that could've been bad" I say under my breath. "Ahhhhhhh" Steve continues… isn't he being kind of loud?
"Shut up Steve, you are going to summon the police!" I hiss at him making him stop immediately with an added "yes ma'am". That's better I say matter of factly.
I walk nonchalantly down the wall to stand beside Steve. "Okay now we go up *hicc*" I say while pointing at Steve.
Steve blinks, stares at the wall and says the most confused "how???" I have ever heard.
"What do you mean how? You just stick to the wall? I just did it!? Didn't you see???" I say while poking my fingers through the wall? Wait was I always this strong??? Meh, probably.
"Um, I don't think humans can do that *hicc*" Steve says while trying to stick his hand to the wall…
"Oh… right that's a spider thing!" I say while slapping a hand to my forehead, creating a miniature shockwave "Ouch!" that had more power then intended… why??? I didn't use that much strength? Did I grow stronger? Meh, roof first.
Now… how am I gonna get Steve up there? "Ah ha" I exclaimed! It is obvious, I just need to carry him!
"Steve *hicc* I have a solution!" I say full of excitement!
"Whaaaat *hicc*" he says with a slightly confused look?
"I can carry you *hicc*!" I say while emanating smugness from my entire body!
"Oh!" He says. Which immediately changes into a "Wha?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" As I scoop him into a princess carry, and start sprinting up the wall spider style!!!
…
"Steve *hicc* you can let go now… we have arrived!" I say to an oddly clingy Steve? Then he kind of just slumped to the floor?!
"W-warn me *hicc* next time" he stammers?