2 Chapter 1: Turn That Frown Upside Down
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Saadia Azar
Life wasn't fair.
Saadia Azar knew that fact very well— intimately even, some would argue. Bottom line was that life was never fair. The minute you thought it was going well, you'd be completely blindsided by some kind of tragedy that, if you were lucky, brought you right back to square one.
But that was if you were lucky.
Most of the time, the "unforeseen variable" took you so far down that it would be better to sit down and accept that you'd never make it than to claw your way back up.
Why bother getting up if you'll end up right back there again, right? She certainly felt that way for a while.
After the deaths of her parents, she didn't know what to think. She didn't know what the exact details of their deaths were— not for sure anyways, but she did have her suspicions.
Suspicions that she'd kept to herself. One night three years ago, they had gone out for a dinner date, leaving Cyrus in her care for the evening.
An understandable choice, she had thought at the time. When almost all the people she knew were more likely to hurl abuse at them, it made sense to leave your youngest child of eight and a half with someone you could trust in certainty… Like your seventeen-year-old daughter, for example.
That was until there was a knock at the door a few hours later. Instead of the expected faces of her parents, she met the indifferent gaze of an even more indifferent officer.
The loss? The heart wrenching grief? That came to her much later.
The reality of the situation didn't really hit her until she gazed upon their faces one last time before they were returned to the earth.
Well, nothing seemed real afterwards. Like one long bad dream that she ached to wake up from.
But that part of her life was over now.
Traversing the aisles of the local off-licence, a frown found its way across her face. She knew they were falling on hard times lately—courtesy of her boss refusing to pay her for this week's overtime—but not being able to afford groceries?
She didn't realise it was that bad.
Not that she could up and leave, though. As an immigrant woman, her chances at being re-employed were slim to none. Still, she couldn't help but mutter a few unkind words directed towards her boss before leaning over to pick up a couple cans of tinned tuna.
It wasn't much, but with the bread at home, she reckoned she could whip up something tasty for her brother.
Despite her current condition, she couldn't help but smile at the thought of the little tyke. His antics at school aside, he always did his best to lessen her load at home. "If you work outside, then I'm working inside!" he declared this morning with just about the same fervour as when he decided he wouldn't do homework anymore.
She didn't think he realised that he didn't have to. Graduating from Primary School meant that he'd never have to submit another piece of homework again… Until Secondary School that was.
She snorted softly at the thought before deciding it was high time she stood up straight— her lower back seemed to be of the same mind. She rose from her crouched position on the floor, her feet protesting at the very thought that she should walk some more. Nonetheless, Sadie trudged over towards the counter with the canned tuna in hand, each step more arduous than the last.
The cashier sat behind the counter, half asleep and teetering off the edge of the stool. She set the cans on the counter rather loudly, jarring the man from his sleep.
Scowling, he huffed and swiped the cans before inspecting them.
"That'll be twenty-four pence," he gave her a once-over as a cruel smirk slowly spread across his face. "If you can even afford it, that is."
He pointed lazily at a stack of canned cat food piled up towards the end of the aisle closest to the counter and snorted. "But there's something closer to home over there."
Sadie swallowed and gritted her teeth, shoving the swirling red-hot rage as far down as it would go. She wanted nothing more than to give the bastard a piece of her mind, perhaps with a smack or two. But she also knew that the minute she laid a finger on him, she'd be in a holding cell faster than he could spout another disgusting remark.
She was all her little brother had left, and she'd be damned before he was sent to an orphanage.
Releasing a shuddering breath, she fished through her purse and slammed the coins onto the counter.
She would not give him the pleasure of seeing her rattled.
"Oi!" she heard him call out as she walked through the doors. "Don't go on breaking the counter. I could get you locked up for that!"
His laugh was the most infuriating thing of all. Even at the other end of the door, she heard it. It was nasally, and struck a chord so deep within her that her first impulse was to kick the lamppost opposite the shop.
Safe to say she regretted it immediately.
"And don't go damagin' public property either!" she heard him holler before breaking out into another bout of snide laughter.
"Prick!" she snarled, limping down the street.
By the time she got home, her rage had mostly subsided. The thought of seeing her brother after a long day's work was enough to banish the stormy expression marring her face.
Carefully, she closed the door and fastened the latch as quietly as she could before inserting the key into the padlock.
An extra precaution after her parents had passed away. To Sadie, there was no such thing as "too safe."
She tiptoed her way down the hall and into the living room, eyes fixed on the worn couch before her and with every step, she felt aches in parts of her body she didn't know existed.
But before she could collapse into the welcoming folds of the couch, a set of soft snores entered her ears and she stopped herself from falling any further than she already had.
"Cyrus…" she murmured. A soft smile adorned her face as she glanced down at the sleeping figure of her little brother.
Although it was pretty late, she knew that he hadn't had dinner yet so she decided to shake him awake.
"Hey, Cyrus, wake up." she gently shook him by the shoulder until he stirred.
"Sad-Sadie?" he sat up, slowly rubbing his eyes as he battled a yawn. "You shou-shouldn't be home this early."
Sitting down, she wrapped her free arm around him and drew him closer until his head lay against her shoulder.
"Is that so?" she began to comb her hand through his hair, losing herself in the moment. He hummed contentedly and leaned into her touch. "Well, that's what happens when you take a late afternoon nap, mister."
He stopped and turned towards her, seemingly scandalised at the notion.
"I wasn't napping!" he huffed.
She raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she did. "Oh? What were you doing then? Resting your eyes?"
Immediately, the boy jumped out of the chair and extended his hand towards her.
She stared at the hand and sighed. "Cyrus… I just got home!"
Whatever he was about to say swiftly died on his lips. He stared at her and furrowed his brow, something he always did when he felt guilty of something.
After a little while, his eyes brightened and he smiled at her. "Don't worry! This'll make you really happy, I promise."
Sighing once more, she took his hand and allowed herself to be pulled out of the chair and led back down the hall she'd just come through.
"Cyrus?" she asked, more amused than anything else. "Where are you taking me?"
"You'll see." was his reply before he clammed up and refused to answer anything else she asked.
Until they reached the kitchen, that was.
Entering the kitchen, she looked around and took in the spotless tiled floor and shining dishes on the rack.
Even the counter had been thoroughly cleaned.
"You…" she felt a familiar warmth in her stomach and brought the grinning child into a tight hug.
"See?" she could practically hear the smile in his voice even as he was stuffed into her chest. "I told you, you'd be happy!"
"Well then, mister," she pulled back the chair at the centre of the kitchen and sat him down. "It's time for dinner!"
She shrugged off her blazer and draped it over the shoulders of the raven-haired boy, snickering at his startled squawk. Her exhaustion seemed to melt away as she whizzed around the kitchen.
What she wouldn't give to keep him like this. To preserve this innocence before it would ripped away from him.
Alas, that's not how the world worked. She began to frown, something he noticed faster than she thought he would.
"What's wrong, Sadie?" he asked, placing the blazer on the back of the chair.
Sadie jumped, not expecting the question, but she collected herself quickly enough. "Oh, nothing. I'm just going to get changed before dinner."
Then a thought struck her and she smirked. "You think you can manage to stay here without the kitchen burning down?"
He frowned and shot her a mock glare. "Go and get changed then!"
Sadie darted out of the kitchen, dodging the slipper that Cyrus had thrown at her, cackling as it slapped against the wall.
OOOO
Dinner was a quiet affair.
They ate their sandwiches whilst exchanging the details of their respective days— or rather, Sadie listened to her brother list all of the things he'd done.
Not that she didn't enjoy it.
The joy on his face was enough to breathe new life into her.
Finishing the last of her tuna sandwich, she spotted Cyrus' drooping eyelids and stood up.
"I think," she leaned over the table and tapped him on the nose. "That it's time to go to sleep."
He nodded, seemingly too tired to respond. Sadie took him by the arm and guided him towards his room, tucking him into bed before placing a soft kiss on the top of his head.
She began to walk towards the door before she heard something so quiet, she almost missed it.
"Love you, Sadie."
She froze, and stopped herself from squealing. Slowly, she turned towards the bed, a wide grin stretching itself across her face.
"Love you too, squirt."
OOOO
Cyrus Azar
Still rooted to the spot, I barely had time to react before the ancient wooden door was thrown open. In stepped a tawny-skinned young woman, looking to be about twenty— none other than Sadie.
She was outfitted in a blazer and pencil skirt, holding a briefcase that she immediately set on the floor. She was pretty tall, looking to be somewhere around five foot seven— perhaps five foot eight.
Her black hair fell around her shoulders in neat curls, some falling over and around a pair of brown eyes shining worriedly. "Are you alright, Cyrus?"
I stared at her, my heart overcome by the crushing desire to envelop her into a strong hug. To express to her how grateful I was for everything she'd sacrificed over the last few years for me.
But another part of me baulked at the thought. Why should I? I didn't know her, right?
"I-I'm alright, Sadie." I said, my voice hitching in my throat.
My words had the opposite effect on her. She frowned and stepped forwards with purpose and brought the back of her hand against my forehead.
"You haven't got a fever… But then what's…" she muttered, stepping back and raking her concerned gaze over my body.
The genuine look in her eye and the sincerness in her demeanour tore me apart even more. I found myself unable to say a word as she muttered under her breath and fussed over me.
"Cyrus?" I looked up and met her guilt-riddled gaze. "I've got to head off to work but please… Take care of yourself."
I gave no reply and moved to raise my hand towards her before letting it fall to my side. I had absolutely no idea how to react. The memories of her were one thing, but seeing her in front of me was something I evidently wasn't ready for.
"Cyrus." she said, a little more insistent now.
"I-I'll take care of myself." my voice found its way back to my throat as I stuttered out the empty promise.
She nodded, seemingly satisfied and dashed out of the room, leaving me alone to stew over the whirlwind of emotions raging through my mind.
My stomach growled something fierce and I wandered out of the door towards the kitchen. Food first. Everything else could wait.
OOOO
The merge.
I'd like to say I took on my new circumstances with all the grace and poise afforded to me by my mental age and combined life experiences but the truth was, I shut down.
Many a day were spent in bed, dealing with the fallout of that thing's actions. Trying to gather some sense of self from two people's memories was an ordeal, to say the least. Especially when considering the moral implications of my circumstance.
Sure it was out of my control, but the fact remained that a child had ceased to exist in order for myself to survive. The only thing stopping me from wallowing in the guilt was the fact that for all intents and purposes, I was both myself and the child… somewhat, at least.
It would be another thing entirely if I were shoved into this body—my body—without the memories and emotions. In some way, having them helped to dull the blow. To convince me that not all was lost. I loved my family, both past and present, but it didn't change the fact that I would never see them again.
My mother, father, and… Little brother.
But then we had this life. I had parents, but they unfortunately shuffled off the mortal coil.
All my sister and I saw of it all were police officers at our door late at night to deliver the bad news.
The funeral and everything else was on us to deal with. Or rather, my sister to deal with.
This country, my country, always had a problem with immigrants. Back in the future, it was "They're stealing our jobs".
Here it was much worse. This was England in the 1970s after all. As if their mere presence—our presence—was enough to incense nearly everyone around.
The few strolls I took outside were enough to convince me of that. There were the overt signs and posters on business windows reading "No Dogs. No Blacks. No Irish.", and then there were the subtle things: mothers drawing their children closer to themselves and the poorly hidden stares.
The funny thing was, they didn't care where you came from. We were all the same to them. If you looked even slightly different to your average caucasian person, then it was safe to you'd have to prepare yourself for social exclusion at best.
That alone was enough to shock me out of my funk. I'd heard stories growing up, but actually witnessing and experiencing it all was another thing entirely.
All that lasted until I got home.
Everything about the building was enough to remind me of all I'd lost. My life was just getting started back home, and it all looked positive to me. The world was pretty much my oyster… And then I was sent here.
And to my regret, I took it out on my sister. Not that I did anything towards her, but I was closed off.
Colder even.
The worst part of it all were the worried and slightly hurt looks she'd send my way at breakfast, but that didn't last long. Her long hours as a Stenographer meant that she was locked up in the office for the remainder of the day, and by the time she got back home, I was asleep.
I rolled over onto my front, my face burrowed deep into the slightly coarse pillow. The aged wooden bed creaked beneath me with every movement of my body.
I stayed that way for a while, simply content with soaking in my existence… until the rickety bed creaked once more and I muttered my annoyances to the empty room surrounding me.
Then there was a knock at the door. A moment later, it was opened.
"U-Um, Cyrus?" my sister hedged. I noted the tremor in her voice, my chest constricting. "I've left some breakfast for you on the table, alright? I'm going to work now."
Staring at the door, I felt the moment stretch on until the grateful words tumbled out of my mouth.
"Thank you."
"Cyrus?" she asked, her voice was soft this time. It was only then that I noticed how miserable she looked. Not even make-up could mask the toll that the last few weeks had taken on her.
"Yes?"
"Take care of yourself, okay?" she said in the same defeated tone of voice I'd grown used to hearing.
There was the squeezing again, as if something had gripped my heart in its hands and refused to let go.
It took a good while for me to identify it as guilt. Guilt for putting her through this for weeks. But still, like always, I answered her pleas the same way I knew how.
And everything she did to help me only made it all the more worse.
"O-Okay. I'm heading out now."
Moments later, her tentative footfalls grew distant.
I stayed still until I heard the door leading out of the house click shut.
Only then did I get out of my bed.
OOOO
As I sat on the couch, my eyes were focused on a particular spider that had decided to scale the wall ahead of me. Over the last half an hour, it had fallen more times than I could count, but despite its numerous failures, the spider still seemed intent on reaching the ceiling.
Persistence was a beautiful yet pitiful thing.
There was something oddly inspiring about watching the spider throw itself at its challenge in the face of failure.
Then I heard the click of the door latch and was summarily pulled out of my musing.
I hated how I felt whenever Sadie and I were in the same room. The knowledge of her presence alone made me hyper-aware of everything around me. Like the slightly wonky clock on the wall, or the thin coating of dust on the table, even my reflection in the old—or rather, new—T.V.
For minutes, I waited for the expected terse greeting as she wandered into the living room but it never came.
More nervous than ever before, I wondered whether I should go and look for her, but eventually, I gave into my usual indecision.
Moments turned into seconds, and those too soon changed to minutes— my worry growing beyond anything awkwardness could excuse.
Flying out of the couch, I sped off towards the door— any slower and I'd give myself room to talk myself out of it.
The longer I walked, the deeper the pit in my stomach seemed to grow.
As much as Sadie's presence threw me for a loop, I cared for her, and I'd rather spend the rest of my life in an awkward relationship with her than never see her again.
Following the carpet, I turned left, walking out onto the hallways that led towards the front door, and what I saw brought my heart all the way up to my throat.
My sister was on the floor. Fully clothed and all. Not a single thing had been removed. Not her shoes— nothing.
Hell, even the door was still open.
I flew into action before I could even think.
Taking great care to not step on her, I moved to shut the door and fasten the latch. With that out of the way, I immediately fell to my knees.
"H-Hey, Sadie?" I held her head in my hands and gently shook her by her shoulders. "Sadie, are you okay?"
She murmured something incomprehensible under my breath but I could swear it sounded like she'd said "Cyrus."
I swallowed the lump in my throat, and furiously rubbed at my eyes. As far as I was concerned, this was my fault.
I was the one who made it difficult for her, knowing full well that her job was already hard enough. I shut her out, and even rejected her to some extent.
This was all my fault.
But all that ended now. My coming here may not have been intentional, but now that I was here, the least I could do was make her life better.
Easing her feet out of her shoes, I placed them at the door. Next I removed her handbag, stripped off her blazer, and then leaned her against the wall.
The next few minutes were all a blur to me, but I felt nauseous throughout it all. I darted towards the kitchen to pour her a glass of water—intent on flicking some on her face to try and rouse her—but by the time I'd returned, she'd already woken up.
"Sadie, are you okay?" I all but threw myself into her embrace before stopping myself.
"Y-Yeah, I'm fine." she blinked, propping herself against the stained wall, seemingly more surprised with my behaviour than her current state.
I wasn't going to have any of it.
"The hell do you mean you're alright?!" I hissed, watching her flinch at my voice. Another lance through my chest, but I ignored it. "You didn't come to the living room when you got in and when I went to check on you, I found you passed out on the floor!"
I couldn't stay strong anymore, hot tears falling down my face despite my best efforts to keep them at bay.
She raised a tentative finger but I beat her to it.
"A-And the worst part is, it's all my fault! If I were less of an arsehole to you, then it wouldn't have happened!"
Pouring out my heart like that had left me gasping for air. I wasn't sure whether it was the realisation that had caused it, or the fact that I'd said so much in a single breath.
Eventually, I forced my gaze up from my feet towards Sadie. She looked like she wanted to both hug and smack me at the same time.
Her eyes darted around the narrow hallway, spotting the glass of water on the floor beside her. She downed it before turning her attention back towards me.
"Listen here mister," she croaked, and for the first time since my transmigration, her eyes were steely. "It is not your fault, alright?"
There was little more I could do than clench my teeth at that. Whatever my physical appearance was, I was pretty much an adult in mind. I could tell she was lying, but it was a lie told for my own benefit.
"I've been working overtime for the past week and I guess it all caught up to me today. Good thing it's Friday..." she trailed off before blinking rapidly. "Now, come here, you."
Before I could say a word, she pulled me down into a soft but firm hug and I desperately tried my best to hold back a fresh bout of tears.
Needless to say I failed, and I soon devolved into a blubbering mess profusely apologising to her. And Sadie humoured me for a while before whacking me over the head.
"None of that." she wagged her finger threateningly before moving to get up.
"Hold on!" I panicked, grabbing her arm. "You just collapsed. There's no way we're going to gloss over that."
She stared at me and smiled. "Nothing some rest won't fix. You can heat up last night's dinner, right?"
"I can, but let me help you to your room first." I said, wordlessly bending over to pick her up.
I did my best to prop her up, but when you were at best four foot nine, trying to help someone almost an entire foot taller than you was a difficult endeavour, to say the least. Eventually, we managed to reach her room and I made sure to tuck her in.
"I'll go and heat you up a bowl, alright?"
She hummed and drew the duvet around herself, nestling into the mattress with a relieved sigh. "Thanks. Love you Cyrus."
Completely taken aback, I stopped just before the door. After the way I'd treated her, those were the last words I'd expected to hear.
The sadness weighing me down seemed to evaporate in an instant, and I turned back to her with a beaming, albeit relieved, grin.
"Love you too Sadie."
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