Fear of being Rejected

Now that Anthony had Rebecca's attention, he began by asking her if she was okay. When she nodded that she was, he said in a calm and collected tone, "Have you finally calmed down now?" Rebecca looked at him as if she didn't understand where his question was coming from, but Anthony was quite willing to elaborate. He said in a bit of strict, but somehow still gentle tone, "Didn't we just make a promise where you would give me the free time that your brother is unable or unwilling to spend with you? We have already established that he is out with friends today, so he is certainly unable. Since you were willing to stay here and help me, it is also clear that you have no other plans either. This makes the hours to come considered your free time. So, why exactly should you be leaving now that my time has freed up as well?"

Rebecca tried to stammeringly come up with an answer but only managed to fumble some words. Anthony used that as an opportunity to continue saying what he wanted to say. "Why do you get inside your own head and make assumptions, which you then use to draw conclusions all on your own? I happen to like your company, as I told you plenty of times before, and today is no different. So, instead of you running home at the first given opportunity, how about we go and do something fun. I am sure we can find something more entertaining than work, despite how much we enjoy doing what we do. Perhaps we can watch a movie or go for a walk. After that we can come back and enjoy the dinner you prepared. How does that sound?"

Rebecca knew that Anthony was right, but she didn't know why she reacted the way she did. Not really at least. But she did have an idea of where it might come from. His reaction and his questions had frozen her to her spot and forced her to think about the answers. The answer she had come up with was, that for the most part, it stemmed from a fear of being rejected and of making a wrong decision. So, the moment the reason for her visit fell through, it is like her body started moving on its own. Or at least the reason she had used, which wasn't necessarily the actual reason that had motivated her to come. Because deep inside she knew that she had been simply searching for a reason to come.

Now that they wouldn't be able to see each other at work for the next couple of days, she felt that she needed to find an excuse to come see him. Somehow, she couldn't convince herself that another person would want to spend time with her when they didn't have to. Much less a wonderful person like Anthony. So, if there was no purpose for her being somewhere, a way for her to be useful, she assumed that she was a burden. So, she would never come without finding a good enough reason and she would try to leave without having to be asked.

But although the reason for her actions was something she had no certain answer for, there was something she was a hundred percent sure of, which is that it wasn't fair of her to push these insecurities on Anthony. He had made it clear, time and time again, that he did not consider her to be anything close to a burden. She had also already established that Anthony, in no way, shape or form, could be considered a wrong decision. Regardless of what the decision was.

However, despite knowing Anthony was right in what he had said, and despite actually needing to hear these words from him, she was quite baffled by him actually speaking to her the way he had done. In the two years that she had known him, he had not once gotten even the slightest bit upset at her. But today, he told her off like that, over something she didn't think he would find a big deal. Even though he had done it in the nicest possible way, this had been the first time he had called her out on something she had done. The first time he had expressed that she had done something he did not like, and surprisingly enough, she liked it. This was because he had shown a different side of himself to her and that made her feel special, however strange it might sound to someone from the outside. It was simply the fact of this happening, of him responding in a way that she had not expected, that she needed to wrap her head around.