A willing participant

Anthony and Rebecca had gotten lost in their kiss, which had been a sudden and unexpected, yet very welcome development in their relationship. Especially Rebecca was surprised at how comfortable she was with what was happening, or at least as comfortable as you can expect from her in this particular situation. But the feeling of her heart beating out of her chest and her head floating in cloud nine, was about to be interrupted.

Because although Rebecca was quite aware of what was going on, and had made a somewhat conscious decision when she answered Anthony's question with 'more', Anthony had acted on something more primal. So far from rationality, that it remained to be wondered if he knew what was happening or it was impulse and instincts that had taken over his consciousness.

The answer to this question came apparent when Anthony's fingers, the one belonging to his free hand, started inching across the bed. Searching for warmth and closeness, all on its own, and solely on instinct. The moment his fingers reached and touched Rebecca's fingers, and she in turn reacted with a flinch type squeeze, he seemed to snap out of the dream he had been living in for the past odd minute or so. Suddenly his eyes opened and he was aware of what he was doing.

Seeing Rebecca's face so close to his, feeling the softness of her skin, her eyes still in a somewhat daze as she opened them to see what was going on. That is when he came to realize that it wasn't just a lucid dream caused by his need for sleep, he had really acted on his suppressed desire. He had finally given into the need to kiss Rebecca, releasing an urge which had been building from quite some time ago.

He let go of her and began apologizing. Thinking he might have gone to far in a state where controlling himself was less easy for him to do. Of course if Rebecca had said no, or shown that she was not a willing participant in their kiss, he would have been pulled back to reality a lot sooner and he would have stopped right away. But he still felt like he might have pushed Rebecca into doing something she wasn't fully ready for or crossed a line of some kind.

He started by saying, "Oh no. What was I doing just now? I am such a brute. Throwing myself on you like that. I am so sorry. I thought it was a dream." While turning his head away and scratching his head, trying to make sense of it all he added, "I mean, that is the only scenario where I imagined this would be happening so soon. In fact, I think even in my dreams you objected at first. So, when you just accepted my kiss, I think my brain must have though that this was so unbelievable that it had to be a dream as well." Then he turned back to her and said, "I know this sounds like an excuse, but you have to believe me when I say that this is the truth."

Seeing the worry in Anthony's eyes, and hearing him apologize like that after doing something so natural, Rebecca found herself in a role that Anthony usually filled in their relationship. The role of the person who calms the other down. The one who puts things back in perspective, and the one who offers words of comfort. She began by chuckling, as that was her initial reaction to Anthony's unexpected state of frantic worry. Not just that, but it was also the best way to break any tension that might be building from this. Tension from guilt and worry, could turn this moment into not becoming a step of progress in their relationship. A step forward, one of progress and a step in the right direction. But, instead turning it into one towards fear and worry of doing the wrong thing, of not properly feeling the mood in a room. Thus making it harder to take this step a second time.

Then she grabbed the hand that had caused this return to reality. Both actions causing Anthony's undivided attention to be on her, and no longer stuck in a loop of his own worries and thoughts. Once their eyes had met, Rebecca smiled gently at Anthony and said in a warm, soft voice, "I don't know why I rejected you in your dreams, but in real life I am every bit as much in this relationship as you are. I didn't just accept your proposal because you are a good guy, but because I love you as well, and I am IN love with you. So, whatever you might be feeling, I am feeling it too. I am just not as honest about it as you are with me. I said what I said, full well knowing that you were on the verge of doing what you did. I was, and am, a willing participant. Be it in our hand-holding, our hugs, or in what we did just now."