A Deaf's Musical Dream OneShot

My name is Nishina Nao, 15 years old, and my dream is to be a guitarist.

However, many music clubs rejected me. Why? Because i'm deaf.

"Are you an idiot?! HAHAHAHA! This is funny! I've never saw a deaf who's wanted to be a guitarist! Get lost!"

"You will destroy our club's reputation if you join here! Oh, and i forgot, you're deaf. HAHAHAHA!"

Even though that words never came in my ears, as my one and only friend write it on a paper, i can't stop my tears from flowing.

Well, i don't really blame them. Like, why is even a deaf trying to get into music?

It's not like the music will heal those ears that can't even hear a single thing.

Sometimes, i blame myself for being an idiot.

So, how, a deaf like me, wants to join in the music industry?

Let's go back from 10 years ago..

That time, i wasn't lost my hearing sense yet. I was browsing through the channels of the television, hoping to find a good show. That's when i stumbled across a certain channel where a Japanese band named "MoonXmooN" was featured.

I was amazed at the skills, and every deep words of their songs. But i even got interest at the guitarist.

He's so cool when he's playing. It's like he's really giving his entire life through music, and i felt that.

Then i started wondering, what is he feeling when he starts playing guitar?

His emotions, his sweat as he touch the strings, and his movement that is syncing with the beat of the drums.

I wondered: "If i also played like him, can i understand those feelings?"

And for that, i got hooked into playing guitar.

Everyday, everynight, i played. Even at school's music club, i played with my full heart, hoping to understand what be felt that day.

But an incident occured. While walking, i'm reading some chords for my very first song, when a car suddenly turnes to me.

That car hit me in the sideroad, and i lost consciousness already.

...

When i woke up, i was in hospital bed. My head has a bandage on it. I saw my mother crying at the desk, holding my hands. She was saying anything, but i can't hear them.

A doctor came in, and talked with my mother. But even if they're really close to me when they're talking, i can't hear anything they are saying.

And so, they looked at me, and they saw that i'm awake. My mother comes up to me and shouting anything, but i can't hear them.

"What.... happened.....?"

I asked, but got surprised. I can't hear my own voice.

And that's when the doctor gets a whiteboard and write something in it.

"You're hearing is gone. From now on, you can't hear anything."

I got shocked, and my energy left from my body. I stared at the white ceiling, thinking....

Can i continue being a guitarist?

That incident instantlt crushed my hope and dreams, weakening my mental state.

I cried at midnight as loud as i can, but i can't hear my voice through my ears, although i can feel them through my bones.

....

After a few months of rehabilitation, i got out of the hospital. It's warm, because the summer has started again. It's been a while to feel the warm breeze of the air.

I looked at the children playing, but i can't hear their excited voice.

I looked down.

Is there any chance i can be a guitarist?

Given the fact that i lost my hearing, is there even a people that will accept me, despite my disability?

I, was fact, almost gave up. But my friend Rin, who's always by my side the time i was hospitalized, and even when i was at middle school, comforted me.

"Don't give up without even trying"

Those words warmed me up. I can feel the support she gave me, even through it's only on paper.

I hugged her tightly, and thanking her.

....

Since that day, i started by entering competitions. But....

"They said that the queue was full." Rin said to me, but i think she's kust considering my feeling.

I already thought their answer even when i'm not asking:

"I'm sorry, we don't take persons with disabilities."

I faked my smile, but in reality, i wanted to cry.

There's just no hope for someone like me. Everytime we tried, we got rejected.

That night, i holed myself up in my room and never get out again.....

....

It's been like a year, and my vision is just monochrome. Not hearing anything affected my eyes, and the colors seems more darker.

I ate my usual breakfast in my room, which i can't even taste anymore, or rather, i was sick of it.

After eating, i sat my head on the wall.

("Everytime i think about it,")

("Everything just seems not fit.")

("As i lose myself in the darkness")

("I can't hear everything....")

("I can't hear anything....")

I imagined myself saying those words, as i felt singing it. I get my guitar up that's abandoned for a year, and played it inagining the tone, the feelings i have back then.

("Should i giving up? Chasing my dream, i'm not hoping for achieving")

("Being not myself is nothing new")

("As my dreams are more part of it")

I can't held up my tearing eyes, as i sang. This is what i wrote 1 year ago, before i gave up.

And this is the last time i'm performing it, it seems.

...

Another month has passed, and nothing has changed. I was watcing MoonXmooN perform. Although i can't hear them, just looking at them satisfied me.

I've given up on my dreams. I don't think anything will work out.... or so i thought, when someone knocked on my door.

I opened the door, seeing Rin with a happy face. The face whom i didn't saw in the long time.

She's holding a whiteboard with a word: "I have a good news for you!"

"What is it?" I asked. She erased the words, and replaced them.

"I... i entered you in a competition! They accepted you!"

I was surprised. I mean, how did they accepted me if they know my disability?

My hopes are getting up again, but i don't expecting here.

"I quit. I'm not gonna be a guitarist anymore."

Finally, i crushed down my hope. It's better to crush down the hope early as possible, to minimize the pain.

She wrote a word again, but this time it's a words that i remembered.

"Don't give up without even trying."

I have a second feeling about this. This is just like 1 year ago, when i tried and tried, but never succeed.

Should i hold onto this chance?

I looked at my guitar that's hanging on the wall.

I remembered what i felt back then.

"If i performed in the whole crowd, can i understand what i felt back then?"

She removed and wrote again. "That's why you need to try."

Finally, i was convinced. And from that, entered a competition that i didn't even know.

....

I practiced and practiced. My motivation is lit up, and i'm now writing a song.

("I hold your hand, giving everything i've got")

("That's because i trust you a lot")

("My dreams are drawing near")

("And i'm gonna go back from my slumber")

("The end is just a beginning")

("Of my adventure...")

As i wrote the lyrics and performed it, i felt a warmth in my chest.

Of course this is it.

Reaching my dream is not my delusion anymore.

Peforming at those whole crowds.

I flicked my guitar and smiled.

....

It's the day of the performance.

I'm literally nervous. It's my first performance after all

I'm currently at the backstage, preparing for the upcoming performance. Then, i saw Rie coming up to me with a whiteboard saying "Good Luck!"

I smiled at her. Like really, she's my best friend in the whole world. I'm really glad to have a friend like her.

Those who friended me in middle school avoided me when they knew my disability after all.

....

I met Rie in my first year in middle school. She was a transfer student from another country, but her japanese is fluent.

That day in lunch time, many boys came to her and offered to walk her around at school. She was a seatmate of mine, sitting on my right side.

I remembered how she tried to refuse those boys.

"Stop bothering her. Can't you see that she's feeling uneasy?" I said.

The boys looked at me, and then at her. Seeing her flustered face made the boys go away with a dissapointed one.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

"Y-yeah."

"Say, wanna go to cafeteria?"

She seems reluctant, but then gave up and hold my hands.

From that, we became friends. We always walk home or go out after school.

".."

"Say, what's your dream?"

Rie asked me one time while we're in the school roof.

"I wanna be a guitarist. Like Naoto in MoonXmooN!"

"Oh! You listen to MoonXmooN? I'm a big fan of theirs!"

"Yeah. I liked their second album 'Brown Rope'"

Rie seems enthusiastic with the topic. We talked about the band a bit, then i asked her:

"What's your dream?"

She goes silent for a while, then looked at the orange sky.

"I wanna be a novelist. Conveying your feelings through words is satisfying. It' like you're sharing your feelings in the whole world."

I looked at her gently smile as her hair reflects the light of the orange sun.

"I feel you." She looked at me for a moment, then looked back at the sky.

"Like yours, i wanted to convey my feelings through music. When i was a child, i always asked on myself: "How do they feel while singing? Their sweat as they play the instrument, i wanted to understand the feeling they have at the moment." I continued.

"And that's why i wanna hold on those words."

"I hope we reached our dreams. When that happens, i wanna create a story about us."

"Sounds good."

We exchange laughs, and those moment last for a while.

....

One time, when i was in the hospital after that incident, Rie visited me looking sad.

"How do you feel?" She wrote in the whiteboard.

"I'm fine. I just lost my hearing."

"Then what about your dreams? Will you still pursuit your dreams of being a guitarist?" She asked again with a worried face.

"Maybe i'm not anymore. I mean, where can you find a musician that can't hear?" I just laughed it off, but inside, i'm tormented. And that's when Rie aaid those words that even if it didn't reached my ears, it reached my heart.

"Don't give up without even trying. Maybe that's difficult, being a deaf musician. But did you know that there's an artist that doesn't have any hands but can still draw?" She stopped and erased the white board after i finished reading it, then replaced a new one.

"It doesn't matter if you lost anything. As long as the feelings are in there, nothing is impossible."

I was taken aback by what she said. My tears started to flow down from my eyes.

"Thanks." I hugged her tightly. She embrace me as she pats my head.

"You helped me once, now it's my turn to help you"

She said something, but i didn't heard it.

....

""Next! No. 7, Nishina Nao!""

After a few moments, the announcer finally called my name.

"Good luck."

Those are the only words that Rie said. I smiled brightly, and while bringing my guitar, walked to the stage.

The audience are silent. I think because j don't hear anything.

"My name is Nishina Nao, and i'll be singing my original song: 'Reach The Heavens'"

I started to sing passionately. Every words are deep, as i slowly convey my feelings through the crowd.

I closed my eyes, feeling even more my words.

("I hold your hand, giving everything i've got")

("That's because i trust you a lot")

("My dreams are drawing near")

("And i'm gonna go back from my slumber")

("The end is just a beginning")

("Of my adventure...")

("Dreaming of reaching the heavens")

..

As the end of the song are getting near, i saw a light, and it's figure is same as a human.

"Let's go."

I nodded, i then closed my eyes. This feeling, i achieved it.

So this is what they felt back then, huh?

I can finally rest in piece.

______________________

RIE'S POINT OF VIEW

In the hospital, i promised to myself.

I'm gonna make Nao's dream come true.

That's our promise after all. However, i felt that her passion to music is gone.

She can't hear anything, let alone listen to music.

And when i asked her, she said:

"Maybe i'm not anymore. I mean, where can you find a musician that can't hear?" When i heard it, i got frustrated. But i remained calm.

"Don't give up without even trying. Maybe that's difficult, being a deaf musician. But did you know that there's an artist that doesn't have any hands but can still draw?"

While erasing the words, i really want to cry. Maybe because i don't want her to quit to her passion.

"It doesn't matter if you lost anything. As long as the feelings are in there, nothing is impossible."

She looked at me with sad and teary eyes. But unlike before, i felt her eyes are shining.

"Thanks." She hugged me tightly, and i gently pat her head.

"You helped me once, so it's my turn to help you"

I murmured to her. I really swear to help her, and be always by her side.

However, i regretted my next action.

.....

We tried to join to a competition. But we're always rejected. That's because Nao's deaf.

However, i put a poker face and always said: "They said the queue was full."

She just nodded sadly. I don't want to hurt her by not telling the truth, but that's the reason she's more hurt.

She know. She know that she can't join due to her disability.

I never gave up. I tried joining her to many, but it's out of luck.

And then one day, Nao stopped communicating on me.

....

She doesn't answer my calls, and when i go to her house, her mother said that she wont come out of her room and wanted to be alone. I can't blame her after all of this.

But i didn't gave up. After months and months of trying, i finally joined her to a competition.

Holding my whiteboard, i ran to Nao's house and knocked. Her mother opened with a troubled face.

"Excuse me, is Nao here?"

"She's upstairs. Why?"

"I wanted to meet her. Can i please go to her room?"

Nao's mom hesitated for a second, then agreed.

I walked to Nao's room, then knocked. The room is locked, and i know no one's inside. But i felt knocking.

And that's when the door opened, and saw Nao.

I immediately wrote on my white board something:

"I have a good news to you!"

She replied: "What is it?"

"I... i entered you in a competition!"

She was surprised, and her eyes are shining. But that eyes turned into a dead one as she replied:

"I quit. I'm not gonna be a guitarist anymore."

I was shocked. What is happening with her? Is she giving up because she lost the sense of hearing?

I wrote in my whiteboard again:

"Don't give up without even trying."

She got silent for a while, then asked.

"If i performed in the whole crowd, can i understand what i felt back then?"

I gave her a smile, then said: "That's why you need to try."

...

When i got awoke, it's the day of competition. I ran towards the place where the competition will be held.

"Wait Rin!" My mother tried to stopped me, but i didn't looked back and immediately ran.

When i was in there, i saw Nao sitting in the chair. I walked up to her while holding a white board that said: "Good luck!"

She smiled at me and i smiled back. At last, her dreams are going to come true.

Her name was called in by, and she turned from me.

I just saw her with a smile.

...

Her performance started. I was crying in the backstage, hearing her voice.

At last, she finally reached her dreams. I'm really proud of her as her friend.

I smiled, while hearing her original song.

...

""Umm... is Nishina Nao here yet?""

I held my head up when i heard that. What is they saying?

""Umm... Nishina Nao?""

What are they talking about? Nao just stepped in the stage!

My mother came to me, catching her breath.

"What are you doing? Don't ran suddenly!"

My mother hugged me worriedly. I embraced her back as she almost cried.

""Is Nishina Nao here?""

My mother held her head. Then she looked around confusedly.

"Why is Nao-chan here?" My mother asked me. I was getting confused.

"Of course, i entered her in the competition."

My mother got dumbfounded at my words. Then she immediately checked my head.

"What's happening to you?? Are you hurt??"

"No, what are you talking about??"

Then, she looked me in the face with a rather scared face.

"What do you mean?! Nishina Nao died 3 months ago!"

....

....

....

Huh? I was dumbfounded.

What is she talking about?

"What are you talking about?! I just met Nao yesterday in her house! When i was running yesterday, i go to her house!"

My mother got more scared and more confused.

"No, you got an accident yesterday. You fell to the river."

....

....

....

According to my mother. When i was running back from the competition venue, i tripped and fell down the river. Luckily, my mother's friend saw me and rescued me.

Since i don't have any external wounds, she didn't sent me to the hospital and rather, she sent me home. I was asleep the whole day at that time.

As for Nishina Nao, she committed suicide last month after singing a song. It seems that the song she sang last month is the song she performed here, in my illusion.

And that meeting with Nao in her house yesterday was no more than a dream.

In that day, i got sent to a hospital to see if i had an internal wound, but the doctors found nothing.

But it seems like i got depressed my what happened, and so got admitted to a mental hospital.

_______________________

After the incident, my normal life started. I graduated highschool and applied to college. I met friends and lived a happy life.

And now, i signed a contract to a certain novel publisher.

"RINGGGGG!!!!!"

I got a call from my editor, saying to meet him up.

We met up at a certain family restaurant. My editor's name is Koma Shinichi.

"So, you said that you're gonna publish a new book. Can i see the draft?"

"Sure." I pulled the draft from my bag and handed it to him.

He read it from the start to the end. After that, he putted the papers in the table.

"This is interesting! Hey, what's the title of this?"

"A Deaf's Musical Dream"

...

Today is Nao's death anniversary. I wrote down a letter yesterday, then goes to the cemetery where she lies with my parents and Nao's parents."

Then i put my letter on the top of her tomb.

Dear Nao,

How are you? Are you happy in heaven? I hope so. I finally published our book. I promised, right? That if our dream came true, i'm gonna make a story out of us. I hope you're happy in there. I hope that you still love music.

I'm sorry that i'm not in there when you died. I should've comforted you, and made you happy. But what happened is happened. You chose that yourself, and i respect your decision. I love you forever and ever. I'm still your best friend, right?

Sincerely,

Rie.

_______________________________________

THE END