1 Chapter 1 A Sad Lonely World

Hi everyone my name is Scarlett and I'm 13 years old. I live with my dad mom and two sisters. I have a good friend group and go to a good school. But things aren't always great. My mom is verbally and physically abusive and my dad is very sick with a terminal illness. He's due to die in 5 months, it makes me cry just thinking about it so I won't really talk about it much.

Today is Monday meaning going back to hell. I have a stupid science project due today and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fail it. I head to the bus and see one of my friends. "Oh hey Scar!" I hate that nickname.

" Hey Stacy"

"You ok? you seem a little gloomy, then again your always gloomy"

"Do I really look that bad?"

"No, I'm just playing around. So what your project on?"

"Splitting water"

"Sounds....Interesting"

Luckily the bus came before things got to awkward. The bus ride as usual was loud long and depressing. Ya know a lot of things seem kind of depressing lately, must be my mind playing tricks.

When we get to school I meet up with my friends and we talk until the bell rings. My first class is Math which I have with my friends Daniel and Matt. There not my bff's but we talk sometimes. By the way Matt has a huge and obvious crush on me but denies it. We start a conversation but it doesn't really go anywhere. I'm not much of a small talker, I'd rather go about my business and you go about your's.

The bell rings and I'm at my locker grabbing my stuff for science when this stupid guy named James who's always picking with me walks up to my locker.

"Hey baby girl"

"Back off James"

"But I just wanna have a little fun, that's all"

"All you want is what's inside my pants"

"You know me to well baby girl, what do ya say we go somewhere a little more private"

He has this dumb grin on his face like I'd actually do him. I close my locker and head to science. The teacher gives us five minutes to prepare for our presentations. I take that five minutes to go over my notes and fix any imperfections I find on it. Then I feel a sudden shortness of breath and think to myself "Damn it, my anxiety." Then I remember I forgot to take my pills this morning. This can't be good. I raise my hand but instead of getting to go to the bathroom I accidentally volunteered myself to present first. I can feel everyone's stares and secret hatred for me. I start and my hand start to shake, this won't be good. My heart starts pumping faster and faster until I'm standing there silent.

"Um Scarlett you can start now"

"Oh yeah ok thanks Ms. M"

I start speaking but I feel like my heads about to explode. I can't finish and my teacher knows about my major anxiety and panic attacks but she won't let up and hammers me with her questions. I'm basically going into panic mode. She finally stops and I run to the bathroom, luckily there's no one in here.

***Trigger warning***

I take out my razor and glide the blade across my skin. As I see the blood it makes me feel human, like I'm actually supposed to be here. I feel my heart ease back to a regular pace and my mind start to chill out. I rinse of the cut and put the blade back away safely into my pocket. By the time I get back to class the bells ringing and it's lunch time.

Lunch is sometimes the worst period for me because you have to interact with so many people all the time.

"Hey Scar how did the project go?"

"Fine I guess" Oh and I forgot to mention to you I hate eating, it makes me feel fat and worthless.

"Well that's good, mine went terribly"

I pretend to be interested "Really what happened?"

"Well Ms.M said my ASMR project was not appropriate because I used the term ear orgasm"

"Really Stacy"

"Yeah it was priceless, but I have dentition for 2 days now. Still worth it though"

I've finished all my food now and still have 20 minutes to spare. So I go to the bathroom and puke up some of what I ate. I leave a little so I don't pass out later. Just then my friend Stacy walks in and hears me barfing. This won't be good.

Hope this first chapter was good guys!

I hope Scarlett doesn't do anything too crazy and I wonder what Stacy will think or if she'll even catch on.

I'm excited to write more so cya then!!!

👍😁