Prologue

The afterlife is a very interesting concept that is mostly preached and taught about by religious folks. Heaven, Valhalla, Hell, and Purgatory are all names and titles for vastly different locations believed to be the afterlife with different gods and stories attached to them but they serve the same purpose, they are where humans believe we go after death.

Although there are some who rather think that instead of just heading off to a different realm above or below our own, we actually just transfer our souls or consciousness to another host whether it be human or not with our memories wiped completely. That's what's called reincarnation and just like the afterlife, it has a lot of followers.

And finally, there are those who choose to ignore both options of the afterlife and reincarnation and instead think that nothing comes after death. Gods? Nonsense, Samsara? Bullcocky. They don't believe in such fallacies. It's not scientific enough for them. There are No golden gates for them, no bright lights, no huge hall filled with cheering, no raging fires, and no rebirth. There is only nothingness for the rest of eternity.

I myself am a part of the last group of people.

God? That term never really crossed my mind, Religion never appealed to me, deities never seemed real to me, and sin and virtue were merely social constructs to make sure the world didn't descend into chaos.

And reincarnation was also a little far-fetched for my puny mortal brain to comprehend. Our consciousness was established to be a result of our superiorly developed brains in comparison to the other creatures that roam the earth. Our self-awareness was a result of our evolution and a soul just never seemed to have a place among such a construct. It was needless, inconsequential, unnecessary, and therefore disregarded.

So I chose the last route, and it seems to me that I was half right and half wrong. As I have now found myself within an infinite expanse of just pure darkness. It has no end and no beginning either it just exists and I'm presumably trapped for the rest of my afterlife? No, I wouldn't call this a life. It's just me myself and I for who knows how long, my Soul, if you will, is just going to float around this dark space for the rest of time, if that's even a concept here. Probably isn't.

I let out a soft sigh...Somehow.

"Hehe, I have no body, meaning no lungs so I shouldn't be able to sigh, let alone talk in complete sentences" I chuckle to myself as I just decide to kick back relax in this space as it seems to be my new home for...I don't even know. I guess it's my home forever now.

"What a drag" I comment dryly as would normally put my hands behind my head but I don't have either anymore so I just kinda float around here. It's a little--scratch that, it's very unsettling not having limbs anymore but it's not entirely uncomfortable either. It's a weird sensation, It just feels...Like I'm less constrained if that makes sense. Like my human body was merely a cramped shell and now that it's gone I'm free. Great, now I sound like a hippie, seems I'm already going insane.

"As entertaining as that would be I'm afraid we have more important matters to discuss." says a voice within this void from all around me? Weird, it has no tone nor pitch so I can't tell if it's male or female. That's when I notice that something just talked to me. I'm dead right? So why the hell am I hearing another voice? I don't think I went insane in just 5 minutes. My mind wasn't that weak, was it?

"No, it was rather strong for a mortal like yourself" The voice speaks once again from all around me and it's a little jarring but then I realize that I never said any of that shit out loud. How the fuck did it hear me? Mind reading? Were the words written on my non-existent face? Was I actually speaking out loud?

Then it hit me.

"Motherfucker" I simply have no words that I can say to express my feelings other than this. I hope it's not what I think it is, but I have a sneaking suspicion it is. I died. Woke up in a void. And now there's a disembodied voice talking to me? Oh, shit, I just jinxed myself earlier didn't I? I let out yet another sigh this time more pronounced. Great, now I gotta deal with one of those isekai situations and I'm going to meet a self-proclaimed god and all that annoying shit.

"For your information, I'm not self-proclaimed" The voice huffs. Great, now I have to deal with a Moody self-proclaimed God. I Fucking hate Tsunderes.

I would much rather spend eternity here doing jack shit in the dark than be some fucking tool for a cosmic entity. I ain't no anime character, this ain't no web novel, and I ain't some fucking MC in a shitty fanfiction, I lived in the real world, and I'm not tryna put on a show for some asshole deities with too much power and too much time on their hands just because they 'gave' me a second chance.

Fuck that noise.

"Calm yourself, mortal soul"

Scew you.

A bright light suddenly appears in front of me and blinds me slightly, I would cover my eyes with my arms but...yeah. Once the light dims down there is nothing but just a ball of dim light. "Well that's disappointing," I tell the ball right to its face? Is that its face? I can't tell. Ima just asume its a face.

"If I showed you my true form your soul would explode" it explains to me in its defense, as if that helps at all. Presentation is important you know? Style, Jazz, Some pizazz. I wouldn't even care if you glamoured yourself up, just put some work in lazy asshole, first impressions are everything almost everything you cosmic dickhead.

"Look, I'm not lazy I'm just in a hurry" it says once more trying to defend its own actions, but I heard nothing more than 'I'm an ugly bum who doesn't know that I look like a troll!' It's like showing up to an interview in a tank top and dirty shorts, it just leaves a bad image of yourself and your upbringing.

"Okay listen here mortal, I didn't come here to be lectured by you, who never even bothered to go outside his own room, on fashion and presentation. We are here to discuss your next life, not my work ethic and fashion choices Okay?" The voice says exacerbated and tired of my nagging apparently. Shit, I would be tired too if I had to deal with the looks of scorn and ridicule from all my other fabulous coworkers.

Does he have coworkers? Probably, I bet he is the Adrian of his office. Ugly, Poor, a total idiot, doesn't know what a shower even looks likes, imprints onto little boys. I bet he beats it to--

"You done?"

Yeah, Yeah I'm done.

"Great! Then come hither and heed mine divine tongue"

...That was gay

"Oh, shut up, and let's just get on with this."

And what exactly is this? I ask wondering why I'm here and even more so why it's here, never told me its name and I don't plan on asking cuz I have a feeling we won't be seeing each other ever again.

"All in good time, But first introductions!"

Oh so now it cares about presentation.

"My name is-

Don't care didn't ask.

"--Its Horu, and I am what's called-

Did you not hear me? I said I don't care.

"...An administrator and my job is to-

Look around and see how many fucks I give.

"Motherfuc--CAN YOU SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME FINISH?!" The voice screams out loudly shaking the void as well, if that's even possible, which it seems to be. Hell, I didn't think it would be this easy to rile up. Couple of interruptions here and it already exploded.

"AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Now I'm no empath, but I think it's angry with me.

"YOUR ANNOYING AS HELL. DAMN RIGHT I'M ANGRY YOU STUPID MORTAL!"

Tch, racist

"FUCK YOU I'M A GOD! I CAN'T BE RACIST!"

Not how it works but whatever

"SCREW YOU I'M GOD! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!"

Can you quiet down? You going to wake the neighbors.

"WHAT FUCKING NEIGHBORS? IT'S ONLY US HERE!"

I'm telling you to shut up if you didn't catch my drift.

"I CAN BE AS LOUD AS I WANT SEE? LALALALALALALALALALALAL!"

Now you're just being childish.

"PISS OFF SHIT FLINGER!"

Well, that was uncalled for.

"DON'T CARE! I'M GOD!"

This is annoying me greatly so I let out another audible sigh to express my disappointment in this so-called God that seems to be nothing more than a brat with cosmic powers or some bullshit like that.

"WHOSE THE BRAT HERE!? CUZ IT'S NOT ME!"

So are you gonna continue screaming? Or are we gonna be civil about this.

"CIVIL!? YOU WANNA TALK CIVIL!? I'LL SHOW YOU CIVIL!"

I have a bad feeling about this.

My bad feelings was proven to be right as the ball of light shown brightly seemingly covering the entire void and then somehow I felt an intense burning sensation wash over my entire being. I had felt nothing the moment I got here and now suddenly I'm burning up like bacon on a summer grill? Probably not a good thing.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH FUCK YOU MORTAL ENOJY MY GIFT ASSHOLE!!!" the petty deity says before I blackout and lose consciousness.