It's Christmas Eve

 Kayla and I had been married for three. It was a mistake to marry young, now both of us can't even stay in the same room, she tried her best to make a good marriage. Days, weeks, months, years had passed but still, I haven't changed, still cold as ice. 

"What are you doing here?" I ask. I just got out of the shower and she was in my room. 

"Did I give you the permission to enter my room?" I glared at her. She throws the divorce paper on my desk "Merry Christmas dear, here's your present" 

I stare at the divorce papers with a stoic look on my face. I was about to tear these papers into pieces, that is what I would've normally done. But I was a bit curious about what she would say afterward. 

"You... divorce me... on Christmas?" 

She looks at me blankly "What's wrong with that? You already hate Christmas, just as you hate your wife" 

"You're... such a pain in the ass.... You... you don't have any idea of a simple relationship do you?" The fact that we had this conversation on Christmas is annoying, I've seen what married couples do on Christmas, they're all lovey-dovey but that's not the case here. 

Kayla scoffs as she looks at me in disbelief "Do you?! I'm tired of trying ,I'm tired. You're always cold, you never speak,you never try to be more understanding! " 

I watch as she throws her wedding right on the floor, I could've told her that she could've just thrown it on my face instead but I remain silent. 

 "Hope you're happy. This is what you wanted since you got stuck with me" 

She was talking a lot and I was a bit tired of it, but it looks like I'll have to be a little more harsh this time. 

"Then go. Leave this house, and leave me as well. I don't need someone so irritating like you here." 

Kayla stops talking as she bites her lip as she looks away "Yeah" 

I turn away from her. "Get out of my room, as of today, we're divorced and I don't feel like having another conversation with you again. Take whatever things you want and leave this house. Do not say a single word to me again." 

As I finish talking, I take a breath and turn back to her. I can feel that she's still here but I don't speak, waiting for her to leave. 

I close the door after she exits. I sit back on the recliner and try to calm myself. My mind was racing with all kinds of thoughts. I felt both relieved and sad. Relieved that I was finally out of that disastrous marriage, but also sad because it took her so long to give up on me. I just wish she'd realized it earlier. 

I look at the ground, now realizing that she threw her wedding ring at my feet before exiting, I pick it up and stare at it for a few seconds. This ring has caused me more grief than I've been willing to admit. I look at it for a few more seconds, then throw it across the room. "Stupid thing." 

I leave my room and search the rest of the home, finding that nothing was missing. She had really just left the house with her identity card and passport. Everything else, including the expensive gifts I had given her over the years, was still here, untouched. 

The fact that she had just walked out of my life completely and not taken anything, not any of the gifts I had given her nor the expensive things in the house, made me feel both relieved and sad. Relieved that she wasn't like most materialistic women that you hear about and that she was serious enough to leave me like she had told me. But also sad that she didn't even take any of the jewelry or money that I had spent on her so freely, this made me feel as though she was serious about a divorce and not interested in any of my possessions."She really gave up on me, didn't she?" I ask myself as I sigh, sitting back in my chair. The thought was almost unbelievable. "After all this time?" I shake my head, remembering how hard she had tried to make this marriage work. 

I had been a cold, distant and inconsiderate husband even though she was the kindest and sweetest person I had ever met. I had pushed her away instead of embracing her. I had chosen solitude instead of companionship because I was afraid of getting hurt. I had chosen to be lonely instead of finding love because I didn't want to lose it. I had allowed my own fears and insecurities to poison this beautiful thing I had with her. There was no one to blame but myself.I got up and slowly walked back to the place where I had thrown her wedding ring. Now that I think about it, I don't even remember why I had thrown it away. It was a rather foolish thing to do. 

I go pick up the ring and turn towards the desk, looking at the divorce papers for a moment. It was time to let this go. She had given up on me. And who was I to deny her the right to walk away from this unhappy marriage if that was what she really wanted? As much as I had pushed her away, she had tried just as hard to hold on. That is not something someone should take for granted; it was something to be respected. 

I look down at the ring in my hand and wonder if I should return it to her or not. I've already told her and shown her in every way possible that I didn't care anymore about her or our marriage. Why should I go back on that now? I could just get rid of the ring myself. But after all this time, it somehow still felt like she meant so much to me than I had led on. I tear the divorce papers into many small pieces, putting the paper in the trash. The divorce no longer mattered. I stare for a moment at my empty hands. 

She had finally made the decision herself to walk out the door. I should just let her go, but deep down, I didn't want to see her go. Maybe, just maybe, I should have one last conversation with her, to see how she feels about everything that's happened. This might be one of the last chances I have before I lose her completely. I slowly reach for my phone and dial her number. 

I stare at the screen as it reads that she had declined the call. I guess she really means business about the divorce. I feel a bit hurt that she wouldn't even listen to my side of the story but after years of ignoring her, I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. I decided to send her a text message instead, hoping that she would reply this time. 

"I won't sign those stupid divorce papers" 

I waited for a few minutes for a reply. Nothing. I wait till midnight thinking that maybe she would call me back after she has cooled down a bit but instead she doesn't answer at all. I can feel myself getting frustrated and I'm almost about to throw my phone across the room when I stop myself. I feel frustrated that she still didn't answer and decided to text her again, this time being a bit harsher. 

"Look. I know that this marriage has become bad but I still don't want to get divorced. So stop ignoring me. I said it. I won't sign those stupid divorce papers. I don't want this to end, please, let's try again " 

I can feel my temper starting to rise and I am now considering getting in my car and finding her. Maybe she was still angry and that's why she couldn't answer my messages but if I go see her directly, I'm sure she'll understand that I really don't want this to end. 

I didn't hesitate to leave the house to my car

All of this is really hard to swallow. All the homes have their Christmas decorations up, the people are out enjoying the holiday together. Meanwhile, my marriage has just failed and I can't even reach my wife. This really isn't going the way I hope it would. As I drive further into the city, the thought of finding her grows stronger. I see the happy families gathered together enjoying the Christmas holiday and lovers kissing each other with a sense of love in their eyes. I feel a wave of sadness pass through my heart. I denied myself the happiness of marriage and love for a long time. The last time I truly felt happy was when I was with her and now she's gone forever. I drive the car faster . 

I had spotted her. There she was walking slowly and drinking, and it's probably not the first one she had tonight. I couldn't even tell what expression she had on her face. I roll down the window and call her name. 

"Kayla! Kayla!" I yell, hoping that she at least hears me and is willing to talk but she just ignores me and keeps taking her time, drinking that damn bottle. 

As she starts walking faster, I realize that she probably heard me but was now ignoring me because she wanted to avoid me. The thought really frustrated me but I also realized that I wasn't completely innocent to the situation, I mean I did treat her badly. It made sense for her to not really want to talk to me. I can't force her to forgive me or accept me. I just needed to see her one last time, that's all I wanted. I decide to abandon the car and start running towards her even though she's moving at a fast pace. I feel like ripping the drink from her hands but I try to stay civil and just keep my pace in control. 

As I run toward her she keeps walking away from me, but I'm getting closer with each step I take. I can feel my breath getting shorter the faster I go and she's moving far faster now, so it's like she's running away from me. I get closer and closer, and I can tell that she's drunk because she's starting to walk a bit more wobbly and has some trouble keeping her balance. 

"Leave me alone...please" 

It feels like my heart just dropped to my stomach. I thought she would at least hear me out. I thought she would give me one last chance to talk to her. But now she tells me to leave her alone....I can't help but get hurt by those words, but I know that the only reason she said that was probably because of how badly I treated her. The tears start to overflow my eyes and I get really emotional. 

"How can I leave you alone?" I yell at her, breathing heavily as I come just 10 feet away from her, 

"Please I don't want to hear your excuses!" she yells 

"We're not done talking about the divorce yet! I'm not going to let this end without a proper discussion-" 

I wasn't expecting that hit to the head. All of a sudden, I felt a sharp pain in my head and realized that she threw her drink at me and it landed on my forehead. The glass hit me hard, but not hard enough to break .It hits me that she was a bit too drunk to really control what she was doing and that was the only reason she did it so that I could go away. I slowly wipe my brow and then suddenly the blood starts falling out. I look down at my hand, then back at her. I look at her with shock and anger as tears come into my eyes. 

She crawls through the snow to come and check if I'm ok....this really breaks my heart. She had tried to avoid me and walk away from me but when she accidentally hit me and realized how much pain it caused. She still didn't want to talk to me but the fact that she was crawling through the snow only to check on me made me realize how much she must've felt when I was a jerk to her for all this time. This is really getting to me. 

"I..I.." she couldn't muster the words to talk, her face was teary and she couldn't even look me in the eyes. The drink that she had thrown at me was to get me to go away but seeing how it accidentally had hit me, she was now completely at a loss for words. She looks away, not even trying to control herself from crying. And I couldn't help it; looking at her like this breaks my heart. 

I gently wipe the blood that continues flowing from my wound. "Please look at me" I ask her. But she can't, she just cries harder and keeps her face looking away from me and it hurts deep down in my heart. I can feel my chest tightening as the feelings of guilt start to fill my heart. I felt so bad that I treated her like this but she still loved me. She was still trying to hide her love for me like all those years, even though she was deeply hurt by my actions. 

She's still tearing up, the tears falling down her cheeks. I don't even know if she realizes how much she means to me right now. I have hurt this woman so much and yet she still wants to talk to me, she's crawling through the snow just to talk to me. But the more she tries to avoid looking at me, the more my heart breaks into a thousand pieces. 

The guilt and regret start to overwhelm me right now. I feel horrible that I had put her through this kind of pain for so many years and yet she still cares for me. All this time I had thought that she was just using me, but now I realize just how wrong I was and how much I have done wrong. 

"Kayla..." 

I look deep into her eyes, now that she finally has the courage to look at me. I can see the tear streaks running through her face, the blood from my forehead dripping down onto my cheeks and staining her sweater. She looks up at me with eyes wide open, her cheeks flushed and her nose starting to get a bit red from the cold and the running. What am I going to even say to her now? 

I close my eyes as I lean in closer to her. Our lips have been apart for too long. A lot of time has passed since the last time I kissed her and I missed this feeling. I missed the feeling of her soft lips, I missed kissing her, missing holding her. I missed holding her close, missing her smell and missing feeling her body pressed against mine. 

After kissing her, I pull her into a tight embrace, not wanting to let her go again. I hug her tightly and breathe in her scent, letting the smell of her fill me up and make me feel even closer to her. I rest my head on her chest and listen to the sound of her heartbeat. We don't say a single word to each other, we both just look at the sky. 

The two of us embrace each other tightly as our breaths mingle. The cold wind runs through our hair, but in my eyes she looks beautiful beyond words. I look at her soft eyes, her reddened cheeks and her warm smile. This is the woman that I've married, and this is the woman I've been a jerk to for almost 4 years now. Our embrace lasts an eternity and I won't even let go of her until the stars start to fade away.