Chapter Eight

"Miss Valdez, you're shaking."

I glare at the doctor. How does she expect me to stay still? I am lying on the bench with my legs open and help by stirrups with Colton right next to me!

I wonder if this would be easier if Colton and I just had sex. The though makes my face grow hot. Why am I even thinking about this? He would never had sex with a girl like me. not that I would want to.

Have.

Sex.

With.

Him.

Why am I even thinking about this?

I only have one of those blue hospital robes on-completely exposed. I could keep Colton out of my other appointments, but I cannot keep him out of this one-I know how special this is for him. And I am screwing it up.

It is his fault; he should have hired someone more capable. This is a sight…I should not do this.

"Emily?" Colton asks, giving me a worried look. He is no longer angry but frustrated with me now. He is tense. Colton reaches into his pocket and pulls out a napkin, cleaning my forehead-I did not even realize I was sweating. "Are you alright?"

Will he sue me if I do not go through with this? Everything is ready to go. The doctor talked me through the procedure, but I do not even remember what she said I just know there is a needle, a camera, and the sperm. It would be fascinating to watch if I were not the one on the bed.

"Emily," he says impatiently.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, my mouth dry. "I'm a little nervous. Can I have some water?"

"Of course." Colton says as he reaches for the water bottle I got in the waiting room.

"I can do it," I say a little embarrassed when he tries to place it to my lips.

"right," he says, looking a little embarrassed himself. He unties his tie and takes off his coat-he is starting to look stressed. I hate that he feels this way, but I cannot help it.

"It's totally normal to be nervous," the doctor says suddenly. She young, early thirties. "Take your time and we'll begin when you're ready."

"I'm sorry." I apologize to Colton.

He is calm, collected. "You don't have to apologize. I know this isn't easy."

' "It's just weird."

He half smiles. "I'm not going to look at you during it-I'll be looking at the screen." He promises.

"just the thought of the needle going inside me…."

He surprises me by reaching for my hand. Colton hesitates, but he gives me a reassuring nod. "You can close your eyes. I'll be right here."

I lay my head back on the bed and take a deep breath as I stare at the ceiling. I can do this-I have to do this. It is not like I have a choice; I already sent my mom the first check and I do not have that kind of money to pay him back.

It will only take a few seconds, and then I can go home and cry.

I do not know how much time passes, but I close my eyes and nod, squeezing his hand. "I'm ready."

My eyes stay closed. There is a slight discomfort down there, but it does not hurt, or anything-it is just there. The doctor murmurs something to Colton, but I force myself not to listen. This is Colton's moment, his baby. It is my job to make sure he enjoys this moment, so I do not say a word. I begin counting and singing in my head-anything to make the time pass faster.

It seems like hours before my legs are released. Relief washes over me when I open my eyes and realize it is over.

"is that it?" I ask, releasing Colton's hand-the one I did not realize I was squeezing. "sorry."

He smiles, showing off his perfect white teeth. "It's alright."

"you should take it easy for the next few days," the doctor says as I sit up, feeling a little dizzy. "We will take the pregnancy evaluates a week weeks from today. Everything went perfect, so it should be fine, but keep in mind that it is normal for the insemination to not work the first time. Don't be alarmed if you don't get pregnant."

"thank you," Colton says, shaking her hand.

"My pleasure." She looks at me. "You should lay down for a few minutes-remember to take it easy. See you both in a few weeks."

"Thank you, Emily. I know this wasn't easy for you.' He says, unable to hide his smile.

Wow. He is actually…happy. I stare at him like an idiot and then shake my head, trying to smile. "it wasn't,' I admit, "but you seem happy, so it was worth it."

He smiles sheepishly, obviously a bit embarrassed. "it was very fascinating to watch. People find out they are pregnant and do not really think about the amazing science behind it, you know.

I nod. "I do-that's why I want to become a labor and delivery nurse."

"Really?"

"I've always be fascinated with the way babies are made." I shrug. "I'll get to feel it now, too. I can tell why it might be hard to believe it, though-I keep acting like a such a baby."

"So, you're not going to freak out on me?" he asks with an amused look.

"Oh, I internally freak out about this every five minutes," I admit.

"I can imagine," Colton jokes.

He looks so…weird smiling and cracking jokes. It makes me wonder if he were like this all the time before he was left at the altar; going through something like that would make anyone become a more serious intimidating person.

"how's your dad?"

"He good," I say, a little surprised by the question. "he was able to get her valve transplant he needed, so he's doing so much better now."

"It must be hard being away from your family."

I try to sit up more, and he rushes to help me, putting the pillows behind my back. "thanks. And I've always been close to my family."

He suppresses a laugh. "how ironic-my family live fifteen minutes away from me and I never see them."

"why not?" I ask, not wanting to push too far.

"To be honest, I don't know. My mom always asks me all the questions I am not interested in answering and my brothers are as busy as me. the only one I stay connected with is my sister."

"Does she know that you're having a baby? Does anyone in your family know?

"No."

"They'll ask too many questions?"

He smiles. "Exactly."

"You can't really hid a baby, Colton."

"I'll have to tell them eventually," he says, frowning like he is barely thought about this. How did he decided to have a baby-to become a single father-all by himself? Part of me understands him, though. We both have varied reasons for doing what we do. He is doing this for himself, I am doing this for my family. Neither means less than the other…and both come with consequences. For better or worse.

I can only hope it will be better for both of us.