Perceive

The one I have been looking for, I said.

The only art I want to admire, I said.

The only one I would look for in a crowd,

And the one who I thought would always catch my eye.

But then one moment, you were gone.

Out of my sight yet still on my mind.

Far from my grasp yet, somehow, holding you close to me.

Miles away from me yet still in my heart.

And so, I walked. I ran far away from what used to be us.

What used to be our spot.

What used to be our song.

What used to be our dynamic.

As I ran, I felt something else other than the ghost of you.

I felt alive. Like the air just cleared around me.

I felt free. Like I was stuck in one room for so long.

I felt like myself. Like I rejected who I was before.

I realised that those spots I took you to, was mine first.

Those songs I sent you, I heard first.

The piece of art I love admiring are the ones I created,

and the dynamic I used to love with you, was the dynamic I first have with myself.

Blindly, I loved you.

I was perceived by what I thought was unconditional love.

I was tricked by what I thought was good for me.

I was hurt by what I thought would stay.

Now I reject what is unclear.

I turn a blind eye to what is uncertain,

and I cover my ears to block out unkept promises.

I will no longer be perceived again.