5th July

I had a dream.

I stood there, and I stared out. In front of me. The sunlight was soft, and staring at the setting sun did not hurt nearly as much as I thought it would. The orange colour was warming, quite literally. I felt the soft warmth on my skin as I faced the sunset, the sun meeting the vast sea at the horizon, the water glistening orange. I looked into the sea, the light being reflected was like the lights that littered a city at night, floating on the water, lighting up the sea.

The waves lapped onto the shore where they reached the tips of my toes. The water felt cold, and the sand below me felt odd. I had never stepped on a beach before, was sand supposed to feel so comforting? With every shift in my weight, the sand shifted too. It felt like the sand was embracing my feet, and it felt quite comfortable to me.

I had done my research on sand before, rather, I heard stories about how sand is uncomfortable and annoying. I disagree, it was quite nice.

Looking left and right, the beach seemed to stretch on endlessly, the sea covering my entire line of sight. There were rocks every here and there, the waters slowly reaching out to the beach before withdrawing. I squatted down and tried to touch the water, feeling the water push against my fingers, the cold making the hair on my arms rise. I looked at my wet fingers and rubbed the sand I had picked up together, feeling the texture of the sand between my fingers.

It was my first time at a beach, how had I gotten here? I looked around me, trying to find my parents, and if they had brought me over. There was no other person in sight, none at all. I scratched my head, was a beach not supposed to have lots of people? From the pictures I had previously seen, the beaches were always full.

I felt something grab my ankle.

I instantly thought back to the articles I had read on attacks on the beach. Shark attacks, crocodile attacks, who knows what else was in the deep sea. I looked down, jumping where I stood. There, laughing, laid a girl. She wore a snorkelling set, goggles and a pipe connected to her mouth so that she could breathe. She stood up, laughing at my reaction. She removed the snorkelling set and threw it aside, she then removed the thing on her nose that stopped her from breathing. She threw that aside too, getting lost in the sand.

I looked as the sunlight shone behind her. She wore a shirt and shorts, quite unusual for a swimming set. Her clothes were soaked through, and her hair was wet. She tried to comb her hair, her hands often getting stuck. She eventually gave up and smiled at me. Her blonde hair was let to flow freely past her shoulders, the sun making her hair look like gold.

She walked up to me, a smug look on her face. She walked beside me, my gaze not following her. I dared not hope that she had an interest in me. And I felt a push on my back. I fell forward, extending my hand to soften my fall. Luckily, just as I fell, the waves reached into the beach, so I ended up with a face full of seawater. I got up, my heart beating fast, my face and the rest of my body wet. The girl was laughing happily, a twinkle in her blue eyes.

I did not get up, in fact, she walked into the water too, barefooted. She splashed into the water before kicking some at me. She seemed happy, and I did not splash back. I did not know what she was trying to do, it sure felt like she was bullying me. The girl at some point, stopped and frowned at me.

What was she mad at? I had not done anything to her.

'Don't you know how to play?'

She asked me, looking quite frustrated. I looked at her, what was she talking about? How would I play in the water? It was the deep sea, what could we even play?

She kicked some water at me before walking deeper into the sea. I stood up too, the wave almost knocking me off my feet before I caught myself. I stood firm and stepped forward, feeling like a stick in the water, each wave threatening to knock me off my feet. The girl stopped at some point, waist-deep in water and staring into the sunset. I stopped some distance behind her, not wanting to ruin the tranquil image in front of me. Her face was so calm and beautiful, why had I followed her? I was not fit for something like that.

She turned back, smiling playfully as she bent down, her hands reaching into the water. I knew what was happening and tried to shield my face. The water splashed past my defences and hit my face, the girl laughing loudly. I had enough of it, I was not going to let her just get away with that. I reached into the water and tried to push up, feeling the resistance created by the water. A splash of water was sent at her, and she tried her best to block it too, failing. She was laughing while I did that, the look on her face so full of just pure joy that I had to pause.

Was such a thing that fun?

She splashed back, and after that, it became something like a competition. Before I knew it, I unconsciously had a smile on my face, was I having fun? Was the feeling in my chest and movements fun? I had no idea.

Having been splashed one too many times, the girl ran towards me as best she could in the water. She leapt forward and wrapped her arms around my stomach as she pushed me down.

The next thing I knew, we were on the shore. We were both dripping wet, staring at the setting sun. She was smiling to herself while I looked at the sun, wondering just how nice it would be if I could play like that again.

'Let's play again.'

She was facing me, a soothing smile on her face. Her eyes sparkled, whether it was the sun or my own imagination, her eyes truly sparkled to me. She was happy, and that made me happy too.

I wanted to say yes, agree, or even nod my head. However, I ended up doing nothing, no noise, no actions. She still smiled, as if understanding my intent.

Let's do it next time, we can play again.

When? I thought. When will next time be? For all I knew, the next time could be a year or the next lifetime. I wanted to know when so that I could feel assured.

I stopped myself. What was I thinking, such thoughts belonged to people with friends and girlfriends, I had no right to be clingy with a girl that was not mine. I looked away, not wanting to hear the reply, fearing an answer that would hurt my heart.

'Thirty-First of July.'

My eyes flew open.

The alarm to my right was not going off as normal. I stared at the ceiling, it seemed rather bright. I looked to my right, where my window was, the light streaming from the window permeated my curtains somewhat, lighting up my room dimly. It was useful since my ceiling light was broken. I threw the blanket off me, pushing it aside before slinging my legs over the edge of my bed. I stood up and stretched, yawning.

I dropped my arms by my side and put one foot in front of the other. I walked out of my room and into the living room. I could still see somewhat, so I did not bother turning the lights on. I looked at the dining table, where there was a plate covered by another plate. I reached out and withdrew my hand, I wasn't going to eat breakfast just yet.

I looked around at the living room, more of habit than anything else before I went to the bathroom. I finished my business and walked out, back to the living room.

I looked at the clock, it was 7:20 am.

I lifted the top plate off carefully. The top plate was wet, the steam of the previously hot food having condensed on it. I checked the meal. It was a burger patty, yes, just the patty. Beside the patty were a few vegetables, a variation of boiled broccoli and carrots. I sat down, grabbing the fork and knife in my hands. I cut a piece of the patty up and lifted it to my mouth.

It smelled pretty good and tasted alright. I wasn't a pork guy, and the patty tasted distinctly of pork. The patty was alright, but I would have chosen something else had I the choice. Saying that I still finished the food, feeling stuffed from just that. I brought the plates and utensils to the kitchen sink. I washed them quickly, putting the first plate on a rack above me. I was about to place the second when it slipped out of my fingers. In a panic, I reached out and tried to catch it with my arm, hugging it close to my chest. Thankfully, I did not make a mess, and the plate was safe. I breathed a sigh of relief and put it onto the rack.

Done with the dishes, I walked back to my room, sitting on my bed in the dimly lit room. I stared at the curtains, wondering what I should do. It was a weekend, and there was no school. No school meant that I had nothing to do for the entire day. Not that I minded, I would probably read up a few articles or start drawing.

Instead, I laid down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I rolled over once, my face buried in the blanket. I sighed and got off my bed, reaching out to grab the blanket. I held it in my hands and folded it to the best of my ability. I laid it across my bed and went out of my room, into the living room.

I sat on the sofa, clicking the remote that was not doing anything. I went to the left of the television again and used my foot to flick the switch on. Electricity ran through the television, and it turned on. I clicked on the button of the remote, the screen lighting up.

I stared at it as a channel started playing. From what I could tell, it was a documentary, but it was the end of the documentary. It showed octopuses, octopi? More than one octopus living their daily life. They must feel blissful, to be able to float around every day, to do anything they wanted.

I left the television running and went to the kitchen. I filled a glass with water and brought it over to the sofa. I took a sip and put the remote on the coffee in front of me.

The channel had changed while I was gone. I looked as it showed something I assumed to be a game show. The host had a big smile on his face as he talked to the contestants. There were three of them, and they were all asked questions for points, and the one with the most points won a prize.

"Contestant 2, this is your question." The host said, opening a card, showing an exaggerated shocked expression. "Where does a camel store its water?"

There was a wacky loud ticking sound of a clock as the contestant's face twisted with concentration. The host simply stood there, hands folded in front of him.

"Well, let's just say I would be surprised if you didn't get this." The host joked.

There was a laugh track being played as the host laughed too. The other two contestants seemed worried, for they were all basically tied, and the contestant could pull a lead if she got it correct. A buzzer went off, and she was forced to answer then and there.

"Its mouth!" She shouted, confident.

A red light flashed, and a type of sound, similar to 'Eh' was played. She threw her hands in the air.

"Well, I'll say that I am st-humped by your response." The host laughed. "Contestant 3, would you like to guess the answer?"

The third contestant nodded and said out loud, "A camel obviously stores its water in their stomachs."

The same response was given, this time, the host was covering his face in laughter. He waved him away and calmed himself before saying, "Oi, do you guys even go to school?"

I tilted my head. Was this kind of thing popular? Or was it even funny? I scratched my head and stopped thinking about it. I continued to stare blankly at the screen, as if not even watching it to begin with. My eyes saw the bright colours, and were entranced by them.

The spell was broken when I felt something on my lap. I looked down, there was a cat. The cat laid across my lap, curling up and going to sleep. The top of the cat was black and the bottom white. She was well-groomed and well mannered for a cat, and she had a red collar around her neck. The family cat, Meilyn.

I rubbed her back gently as she slept. I could feel the fragility of the cat, feeling the rise and fall as she breathed in and out. I gently stroked her and watched the television. I did not move my legs, letting Meilyn sleep peacefully. The television was weird, what was so good about it? After some time, the programme changed.

The new programme seemed to be another documentary. It showed a beach, smooth white sand and blue waters. It looked quite nice, I would go there if I had the chance. They were documenting what I assumed to be peaceful scenery, ranging from mountains, icebergs, rainforests. They all looked amazing, as if out of a storybook. I wished I could visit at least one of those places, but I knew that with my physical condition, there was no chance.

When Meilyn woke up, she stretched and opened her maw wide. She looked up at me, blinking a few times before getting on all fours, hopping off and landing gently on the ground. She gave me one last look. Her eyes were black and almost too black. Her eyes seemed like an infinitely deep chasm, like a void that never ends. She looked away and disappeared under the couch. I wondered, did we ever clean under the couch?

I checked the time, having not noticed how much time had passed. I then looked outside the house, the sun seemed bright, and it was a clear weather. I went into my room, changing into a white shirt and pants.

My parents would most likely be against what I was about to do, but I felt like it. I got my keys and unlocked the door, putting my shoes on. I took a step out and locked the door behind me, walking down the hallway of the apartment I was in. I walked down the steps and walked off.

I wanted to go for a walk, it just felt nice, and I thought exercise would be good for my body. I was thin, some might say painfully thin. I wanted to go for a walk to make sure I could at least be somewhat healthy. I was thinking as I walked, the strangers I walked past seemed to not exist. Their faces, much like my classmates, seemed blur to me.

I thought about a few things as I walked.

Actually, I wasn't thinking much, I was just walking mindlessly through the crowd, hands by my side.

Eventually, I ended up in a park. In front of me was the pathway, grass lining either side. It was a vast field, people were playing on it. I walked along the pathway, not really thinking of much, but I saw a bench not too far away. I sat down and stared at the sky.

The sky was blue and clear, huh, why was the sky blue? I ignored that thought, not wanting to think too much about it. There were not too many clouds in the sky, the sun shining brightly in the sky. It was pretty nice, the sun wasn't too strong, which was weird since it was summer. I felt the sunlight against my skin, it was relaxing.

I was just enjoying my time there, not thinking of much.

"Hey there." I heard someone say.

I looked in front of me, tearing my sight away from the sky. There was someone in front of me. Have I met them before? I was not too sure myself.

It was a girl. I was about ninety percent sure I had never met or talked to her before. She wore a pink hoodie that was pretty loose, stars and moons decorating it. She stood there, wearing a loose pair of pink track pants as well, her shoes also pink. She was very pink, especially after I looked at her face. Her hair was long, reaching her waist, and it was pink, I think. Her eyes also seemed to have a pink hue, I think. Her skin was pale, but the colour pink stood out so much she might as well be completely pink. She looked at me, and I looked back. She was so pink, I think I'll call her Pink.

I did not say a thing, only looking at her. She seemed to be processing something when she looked at me, her face twisted with concentration. She snapped and smiled widely, pointing at me, "Yeah! You're the new guy in class, right?"

She was in the same class as me? I do not remember someone like that, maybe it was just me. Had we talked? I do not think I talked to any of the girls in class, unless the brief interaction with the girl beside me counted. Pink looked at me closely, she was starting to creep me out.

She tapped her chin and looked me in the eyes, leaning close. I leaned back, away from her. She asked me, "You are, right?"

"Probably not?" I replied.

Maybe she was mistaking me for someone else, because I do not remember someone with such a striking colour being part of the class. Her gaze did not falter as she looked at me, eventually, she sighed and sat down beside me. I shifted myself to the right to give her space.

"I'll just assume you are, okay?" She told me.

Her pink eyes seemed odd to me. They were pink, with sparkles of a lighter shade of pink. It was like a pink cake sprinkled with pink sprinkles. They shone uniquely, and I was not sure why she was talking to me at all, most people would have walked past me.

"Anyways, aren't you sitting beside the class princess?" She asked me, looking at me. "You live near here?"

"Yes?" I replied, not sure which one to reply to.

"What a coincidence, I live near here too!" She said excitedly. "Not many of our schoolmates live around here, so it's nice to know someone around this area for once."

She looked out at the field. I tried not to look at her too much, but she really stood out, and no one else seemed to find it weird. At some point, she raised her right hand and waved. I looked in the direction she was looking, there were three vague silhouettes waving back at the girl.

"Classmate!" She shouted at them, laughing.

She pointed at me.

She turned around, looking at me. She smiled and said, "That's my family, my mother, father and little brother!"

"I see." I said awkwardly.

"Yeah, we come out here every Saturday, so if you want, you can come with your family and play with us! It'll be fun!" She suggested.

"Um… my parents work on Saturdays." I told her.

She nodded, her smile not wavered. "Then you can come alone, we'll still play."

What was her intention for playing? From what I could tell, she had no reason to be so friendly with me, and she had no reason for inviting me. It was the first time we met, and I definitely felt awkward, just that she didn't.

"I have to go now…" I said, trying to escape.

"I see." She said, her smile faltering. "Well… um… see you in school?"

I walked off, walking back where I came from back home before my parents could return.

At dinner, my mother was still kind of out of it when my father spoke.

"Tomorrow, we'll be going out for some grocery shopping, what'll you want for lunch?" He asked me.

He was implying I did not follow them.

I shook my head.

"Then I'll be buying a lightbulb too and changing your light in the afternoon." He continued.

I stared at the rice in front of me. It was rice with a side of chicken and vegetables. I was thinking, thinking about Pink having walked up to me and talking to me. She was with her parents today and was playing around with her family. It was odd, she seemed to have so much fun outside with her parents. She had fun, she actually played with her family, she had fun. My family was different, my parents were too busy with work to go on an outing with their sick son. Besides, they only had one day of rest a week, it was better I let them rest.

But having fun with your family, it seemed like something I would like to experience.

"Could I… follow you tomorrow?" I asked timidly, not expecting much.

There was a pause from my father.

"We'll have to see your health tomorrow." He told me.

My heart leapt, was I feeling excited, or was I happy? A feeling in my chest, like my chest was expanding. Huh, this feeling was pretty nice. Being sick for most of my life, most recently, just recovering from a year of being sick, I really missed out a lot. Time with my parents, I really missed out on it.

I laid on my bed, the lamp not too far away still turned on. I raised a hand, casting a long shadow against the wall on my left. I stared at it, if I thought about it, was it my first time going out with my parents since… five years old? I was unsure, maybe it was the first time ever.

I thought to myself, maybe it would be fun to be outside, I just hoped my health would be able to keep up. I reached out and turned the lamp off.

I closed my eyes, my blanket over me. I let my mind drift.

Beep… Beep… Beep…

There it was again, my lullaby.

Beep… Beep… Beep…