Comments of chapter undefined of NONENTITY ZERO

wow, can't believe you got me totally immersed in this chapter. of course I scrolling to the next one

See this! I just gifted the story: Pizza

This is so intense

Dialogue is amateurish ("for the BOYS!!!" Really?), prose is clumsy and poor. Much of the events are unclear and I have little sense of who this character is save for the fact that he feels guilt about something that happened in the past. You can't write sounds as sound effects in brackets, this isn't a screenplay.

interesting take on the MC [img=strong][img=golden ticket][img=coins][img=exp].... thumbs up bro